I never used to have these feelings,

My life was just a movie role.

I only played a part,

And that numbness was my goal.

Feeling nothing was a blessing,

One I have been  yet to understand.

Since it’s worse when you feel everything

As you’re sinking fast, down into sand.

They will not grasp you gently.

When they get you in their hold.

Feelings, they're unrelenting,

If they see your hearts no longer cold.

I wish it had been more gradual,

A slower erosion of all my walls.

Instead, they all crashed down at once…

With no one there to hear my calls.

It was then I came to realize

It was mine, not theirs.

This fear that kept them all away,

That helped me to not care.