You look at me as if I am crazy when I say I do not want to go to the airport to pick him up

or when you start up a conversation about him and my face is blank

You think I hate him

or do not claim him as a father

or not love him

but that is not true

I keep a blank face because I do not know the man you are speaking of

I do not know what you want me to say when you speak of him

I understand I am his seed

I know that he is the reason why I am in this world

but I do not see him the way other people see him

I do not see him the way my brother or sister see him

I do not see him the way my mother sees him

In my eyes he is a stranger

In my eyes I feel stuck

I feel as if I am in a deep sleep or a coma that I cannot wake up from

I feel as if I am seeing everything pass before my eyes but I cannot do anything but observe

I feel paralyzed