I remember that I was once told I’m “perfect”

I ask, “Why, why do you think that I’m perfect,

What do you see that is perfect..”

This comment catches me off guard because I know that no one is perfect

And I wanted them to take it back

I received a reply, saying that everything that I do is perfect

That I’m that one person that knows how to do everything right

Then they began to list things without thinking twice about it

Reading their list, but it almost feels like a strike to the face

“ You do amazing with school and have good grades,

You care for anybody, you can’t say no.

Your family gets along with each other, you know how to talk to people.”

They continued to blab and finally when it was complete

I began to have an overwhelming feeling in my chest

Shortness of breath, trembling fear in me

I realize I’m having an anxiety attack

How can anyone think of myself like that

Perfect, perfect...perfect

I’m not perfect, I’m anything else but perfect

They know nothing about me, no one does

They know of nothing that I go through to be the person they see

But nobody including myself never seem to understand that not one single person in this world is perfect.

In school, everyone sees the ideal student role model

The one that sits in the front of the classroom and understands most things

That is being taught in class but that’s not me

I struggle and grapple with learning, I’m afraid of being called on in class because

What if I don’t know the answer or about how I never ask questions because I’m petrified to ask

A foolish question.

Being born as an Aquarius, I love how we are those individuals who can be independent,

Unpredictable and is willing to help so many others but as stubborn as I can be

I can never help myself

I can’t say “no”’ when it’s beneficial to myself and I’m selfless

I’m that one person who is trapped on an island with five others,

And when we see that one sign of rescue and survival but not everyone can be saved so

I put others before even if it means being left on that island, alone and defeated.

I love my family but we’re not perfect.

Most people would think that I’m “Mommy’s perfect, precious princess”

No.

I feel like I’m the worst daughter to my mom

When I get a lecture, I never take it seriously

And what’s worse is that my brothers do the same thing to my mom because of me

I wish I could find a way to make it up to her and apologize

I wish I could tell my brothers to treat their mother with respect, but I’ll sound like a hypocrite

I love my mom but I can’t show her how much I love her physically

Same goes for my dad

I can’t remember the last time I sat down and had a decent conversation with him

I can’t talk to him because when he comes home from work, he’s tired and beaten

His hands have blisters from hard labor work

All he can do is wait for dinner, eat, shower, and get ready for bed for the next day of work.

Being the oldest and halfway through high school that means I’ll be leaving soon but that doesn't mean my parent's job is done

In the near future I hope to graduate college and hopefully have guardianship of my much younger brothers so my parents can finally do what they always wanted to do, to travel the world.

When people come to me to talk about something

I flattered but I’m not the greatest choice to come too

When people ask for advice for something, usually I listen to their problems,

But they’re coming to someone that can’t fix their own problems.

I tried to come up with reasonable advice but sometimes I fail

People think that I can always talk about what’s on my mind, but I can’t even explain something

Without stopping because I feel like what I’m saying doesn’t make sense.

So being described as “perfect” is something that I really disagree about

Sitting there, letting them called me something that I would have argued about,

I let it slide because I know that these people know nothing about me

That they should know that not anyone is perfect

That it’s hard to define perfect because it’s difficult for me to define.