where do i even begin?

so much to say, but so little life.

an hour spent on the phone

with someone payed to be your friend

because you have nothing left.

sip soda to wash the taste of chemicals from your lips.

time flies when death lies next to you in bed.

and you can play every song you love

but it will never fix the hole you carved in your own heart.

keep telling yourself "go back, go back, go back."

to where?

to boys and girls with ropes around their necks and blades on their wrists?

"suburban boys in black shorts and white nikes

roam clean establishments and well-paved roads,

but they're nothing like you."

because you were created to make me stay

and you exist to make me second-guess my every move

so i'll remain intact for this cruel game.

i fell in love with an idea of you,

congratulated myself for every little victory,

but the rules were twisted and you couldn't tell me everything.

when winning becomes losing

and escape is success,

of course i'll f*****g miss you.

or i would

if the abyss didn't erase it all.