When I started seeing you,

All those years ago,

You were the only option.

You popped up at my door and gave me a single, wilted flower.

You told me that I must be with you

Or else.

My heart just melted.

By year six

You began to tell me

There is no one else but you.

No friends

No family

You are me, I am you.

Last year,

I let  you control every aspect of my being

What I wear

What I see,

What I do.

How I do my hair,

My makeup

My smile.

In the morning

In the evening

At night.

Every

Minute

Of

Every

Day

Devoted

To you.

You compared me to others

Look at her, she’s number one.

What number were you again?

Look at him, he got an A,

What grade did you get again?

Look at them.

I was all consumed by you

You were my every thought

Every moment I spent

Trying

To please

You

Because,

As you said,

There is no future without you.

There is no life without you.

I may as well live on the street

Because without you,

I am nothing.

When I’m with you,

I am nothing but a singular letter

A

B

C

The way you grade livestock.

My entire life

My being

Compressed.

I thought I was complex

I thought wrong.

Blood

Sweat

And Tears

Drain me.

you grab me and squeeze

As I cough out a shaky breath

And you just don’t stop.

I’m holding on, though,

Because I still love you.

God, how pathetic is that?

I hate that I still love you.

I suppose I’m holding on to memories of the past.

I suppose I’m holding on to the joy that you once gave me.

The joy I felt

Every day

When I walked through those doors,

Ecstatic to open a book.

Ecstatic to learn.

Where did that all go?

What happened to us?

Blood

Sweat

And Tears.

That’s what I gave.

Shouldn’t you be giving the same?

When I go see you,

Yesterday, today, tomorrow,

You are my only option.

The doors that seemed so bright once before

The books that looked so enticing

All I see now is grey

I want to see the light again.

Maybe things will be different.

Maybe,

Two years from now,

You’ll change.

That’s what everybody keeps telling me.

Maybe.