She [Colorized] | Teen Ink

She [Colorized]

July 29, 2018
By christina000000 BRONZE, Roswell, Georgia
christina000000 BRONZE, Roswell, Georgia
2 articles 3 photos 0 comments

Still, in that moment, suspended

Such that the sunshine filters so,

The virescent leaves sway;

The scent of suspicion, strong,

Scatters and fireflies rise,

susurrating soon sundown.


We surry, rosy, swinging and

Sharing in these deserved blessings.

I swear to her with crossed pinkies

To rest my focus solely on her.  

No swifter than said, hear shouts

And send my sight astray.


Struggling and seared souls,

Shrieking, stuck under spears,

Seep viscous sap, sink into soil graves.

Others, scared, slice stolen drupes,

Sipping from sour palms of risk,

To pass to spent orphans’ hands.


I, now wise to surrounding sin,

Step back from laced fingers and bliss,

And consider sifting through the strife,

stripping away the suffering.

Her soft-spun scene dissolves

As my decision resounds with certainty.


Her eyes steep in honest tears,

Trust torn asunder, paradise stolen.

Swallowing down sudden guilt,

I leave, saving words for someday,

Once petals eclipse bloodshed

In importance.


The author's comments:

The plot unfolds as two people (readers' choice in whether they are in love or not, though they share a close bond in any case) enjoy the beauty of an Eden type world. The main female character convinces the narrator to promise never to look away from her; however, the narrator (readers' choice in gender) breaks that promise almost immediately once they hear shouting. They swing their head around (slight allusion to the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice) to see a hellish type world (I chose, instead of sticking to the usual stereotype of fire, to recreate the world of early humans before fire, in which I display tribal wars and stealing as prominent sins). The narrator now realizes that the main female character has been hiding this secondary world from them and decides to attempt to save it (slight allusion to Prometheus). The main female character cries for their farewells and the narrator decides to return when they believe "Petals eclipse bloodshed in importance."


The repeated usage of 's' symbolizes the sin taking place in the world. Both the Eden and the Hell cover a large deal of the 's' alliteration. Thus, as the main female lead holds responsibility for both, she falls under the category of "sinful." However, the narrator employs more consonance in their actions; the narrator "swears with crossed pinkies to rest [their] focus solely on her." They also commit the crime of breaking their promise, thus the narrator also falls under the category of sinful. Yet, the category divides them in their moral alignments. The main female character commits a public evil by hiding the suffering in the world; the narrator commits a personal evil of breaking their promise. The methods in usage of 's' represent such alignments: alliteration begins each word while consonance hides within.


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