Stifled | Teen Ink

Stifled

February 15, 2013
By Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski


I cry and you become
a pressing cloth,
dipped in poison,
soaked in lies.

My sobs become strangled,
robbed of sound,
while you construct my thorn-felt,
wretched guise.

You want them to see me
not as I am,
you treat me as your
reflection.

But I’m not opposed to
wonton destruction,
as long as I can escape the
dissection.

You think you know me,
you think I care,
but all I really feel
is this fear.

I fear what I cannot change,
and that is you,
a thorn in my side
that’s always here.


The author's comments:
Don't let people use you to brighten their own reputation. Be sad when you want to and scream when you have something to say:)

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This article has 5 comments.


on Apr. 2 2013 at 1:13 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

thanks so much!!!

on Apr. 1 2013 at 8:09 pm
StarlitSunrise DIAMOND, Clemmons, North Carolina
56 articles 0 photos 253 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing." ~Camille Pissarro

  This has to be a favorite of mine. Great rhythm, very well said, blunt and emotional—overall a wonderful poem!

on Mar. 12 2013 at 4:02 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

Thank you for the advice! It was very useful :). I will definitely look at yours.

on Mar. 11 2013 at 11:31 pm
tellastory BRONZE, Concord, California
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I do understand. But I'm damned if I sympathize." -Rhett Butler, Ch. 43 Gone With the Wind

Good title! I was attracted by it. :) Excellent verbs. Instead of using pressing cloth, maybe use something like...kitchen sponge...idk.  Pressing cloth doesn't quite evoke the imagery I know you mean it to bring. It's constrict, not construct. Construct is to build. :) Change the phrase "not as I am".  Bit of awkward wording there, as your English teacher would say. :) I like the final stanza.  Maybe use "forever here" instead of "that's always here", just for poetic wording.   Take these comments with a grain of salt.  I loved the poem. Could you look at mine soon? It's called "Someday".

Mckay ELITE said...
on Mar. 11 2013 at 3:51 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

Great use of the word wonton. I find the poem to be thought-provoking, which is always what a poet aims for.


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