I am so crazy
up in my head
The colors I see
are but deep red.

Spilling from skin
I carve with a knife
I write these misfortunes
that are my life.

I also see black
the rings ‘round my eyes
These chains, studs, and piercings
are but my disguise.

Past the torn black upholstery
past these eyes full of pain
Are a true broken heart
and a mind full of shame.

From that day that you touched me,
from up high to down low
From that day when I screamed
but you wouldn’t let go.

When your hand slipped in mine
and we went past tree after tree
‘till the world was but gone
and so was the party.

From that night that you hurt me
as I tried to break free
From that moment you held
the gun pointed at me.

It was an old lady pistol
pitted with age
that you yielded the barrel
to face me with rage.

That’s when I broke way
took my chances and ran
To get away quickly
was solely my plan.

Through the blanket of darkness
it felt like a dream
As I ran away panting
hearing your scream.

‘Till I burst through the bushes
and where should I emerge
But a small homely gas station
where the town and trees merge.

With cold, shaking hands
I dialed safety's number
And aroused my poor mother
from her deep slumber.

I clutched the pay phone
and begged her to come get me
But then her voice changed
and reality met me.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I assured her
my voice desperately calm
“I got lost from the party
Just come get me, Mom.”

Did she hear the glitch in my voice
as the lies just kept coming?
Could she tell I was panting
from all that running?

Worries swirled in my mind
as I awaited her car
And I started to shudder
when light came from afar.

But when I slipped in my seat
she saw nothing amiss
Those small little glitches
she longed dismiss.

So today here I am;
a girl with two blue eyes full of pain
An emo, a goth girl,
with secrets lodged in her brain.

Though the scars have long healed
nothing’s ever the same
Not since that day
you played the rape game.