How to Get Suspended

Materials:
One large Sharpie
Four long lines of twine
Two sheets of white paper
A truck (capable of possibly holding large animals)
Two (or more) large farm animals (preferably pigs)
An entrance to your school
An Expo Marker
Friends who are willing to help (Optional)
Butter (Optional)

Directions:
Begin by organizing your materials around your two large farm animals.
Using the twine, tie a sheet of white paper to each of the animals (making sure that the paper is securely fastened on to the animals).
Then, grab that large Sharpie and write the numbers “1” and “2” onto the paper tied to your animals.
Load those bad boys onto the truck. (Keep in mind, your goal is to get suspended, not to please PETA, so forget about a trailer, just use the flatbed if one is present).
Next, after driving your animals to your school, release them into the school via any entrance that is large enough for your now very started and traumatized animals to run through.
Finally, once the animals are running around the halls, seek out every whiteboard in your school. Using your Expo marker, write “I have released THREE animals into the school. The first person to find (and catch) them all will get a prize!” onto the boards. (Attention: Do not forget to sign your name! It will make your suspension process much quicker as they now know it was you.)
If the optional butter is used to make the animals harder to catch, you can comfortably  sit back from the safe confines of your principal’s office, laughing at every failed attempt to catch them, while mocking those trying to find the hidden “third animal.”
Now you can really enjoy the fruits of your labor, as you are now suspended and out of school! Congratulations!