I remember writing it. I remember every word inside it. I never knew how important it would be to me until now. You loved it and that made me happy, but after I gave it to you I never really thought about it that much again.
Until I needed it.
I remember frantically looking for it. I remember panicking, being so frustrated that I couldn’t find it, just wanting to be able to lay you to rest with it. I gave it to you on Father’s Day in 2012. The title was “You’re My Hero, Dad” and I knew you would never throw it away, but four years have gone by and for the life of me I could not find it. The day of your funeral came and it was still nowhere to be found, so once again, I just forgot about it.
I remember finding it. I remember the beats of my heart getting faster and faster. My emotions were now all over the place and I didn’t know whether I should open it, bringing back all of the things I loved about you and happy memories, or if I should just lay it back down in its place, keeping my feelings buried.
I opened it.
Written inside, in my seventh grade handwriting, was every detail explaining why you were my hero, dad. This was a confusing time for me, these memories I could never experience with you again, written down during a time that I thought you’d be there for me always, make me wish I would have cherished them more. I was happy, but I couldn’t control the tears inconsolably streaming down my face. I was relieved that I now had these memories to reread and to bring back happy feelings of being with you that I’ll never get to experience again.