I held you close, the night you said you loved me, the night you promised me that you would never let me go. I felt your heart beating at a steady beat and mine filling in the spaces of when your heart would take a pause before beating again; kind of like the first day we kissed and we pulled apart for a bit and I smiled and I could feel you smile too, even though my eyes were closed. Then when I had tried to kiss your lips again, you laughed and told me to take it slow because we both knew that I couldn’t handle all of you at once, so you gave me a small peck on the corner of my lips and I looked at you and smiled even bigger. When I saw you smile at me, my heart began to race. Those beautiful blue eyes of yours were my favorite. My favorite thing to do in the summer was sit outside on my porch swing and watch the clouds pass by through the calming blue sky,  but when winter came by, there weren’t many days that the sky was blue, so my new hobby became watching those blue eyes of yours focus on me. Your eyes were my own personal sky. I found peace and love in them. I remember laying in bed with you that rainy Friday night; bodies pressed together so tightly, so tightly that I could feel your breath on my bare skin. Your traced every bone in my back until you got to the small of my back and you paused. I remember laying there, my hand on your chest, studying the way it moved up and down each time you took a breath and when I whispered “I love you” you stopped breathing, your heart stopped beating and suddenly something changed. Silence filled the room. “I’m sorry” you simply said to me. I sat up, tears began to drown me still not understanding anything. You then told me that you tried, that you tried to love me again, tried to feel that feeling you felt at the beginning. You didn’t though. You said that you did not love me any longer, that the taste of my lips pressed upon yours was nothing like it used to be, that it was like kissing air. You only tried to make things work hoping that you would get that feeling back. Tears now were burning my face, they were hot and running fast down my cheek, they were like my heart. My heart was beating fast, but at the same time it wasn’t. I began to get dressed as quickly as I could. I was made a fool again. I left to go home that night. I held my pillow, the night after you said you didn’t love me anymore, the night you broke your promise and let me go. I felt my heart break as I remembered the last time I felt your lips on mine. It was nothing like the first time. I held myself tightly, trying to keep myself together, realizing that no one will love me as I can only try to love myself.