My cold hands wrap around my stomach,
grasping the fat that clings to me.
"As always." I think, as I lean,
against the wall, which supports me.

“I’m happy now.” I tell myself,
But I know that I’m not.
Life doesn’t change, just by a thought.
I’m still looking back, hopelessly.

Tears run down my blotchy, red cheeks.
“As always.” I say,
As I sink to the cold, hard ground,
Wet with the tears that cause me such shame.

Such shame comes creeping up my spine,
And into my mind.
“No!” I tell it silently.
“I’m better than they think I am,”
But I know that’s not true.

I lay on the floor in a ball,
writhing in invisible pain.
“As always.” I choke, helplessly.
“I am alone.” I am alone.