While you were here, if anybody asked what happiness was, I would not hesitate to say your name. I would probably even smile, uncontrollably, beaming brighter than a new light bulb that holds promise of illuminating your world for months, without fail.
Now, you call at two a.m., when your veins are filled with alcohol, and you ask “what makes you happiestsstt, babygirl?”. I try reminding you that it’s been a year. I tell you that alcohol is filling your brain, clouding your judgement. But you persist, so here is my answer.
Happiness is so many things. It is the smile of a new mother, greeting her infant for the first time. It is the cheers of a father when his daughter says dada before mama. Happiness is candid photos, yes, even those ones that make us look like we have two chins because we are laughing so violently. It is cradling a newborn, the most innocent form of life in our hands. It is mom putting chocolate in our lunch box, a mid day surprise to make us smile. Happiness is our first sleepover, building forts at three a.m. in our friends basements, careful not to wake their parents. It is turning eleven because we are finally too old to count our age on just fingers. It is our first kiss, on the playground, our lips grazing, but our teeth getting in the way; ironically beautiful. It is passing our road test, without hitting the curb while parallel parking. Happiness is getting accepted into college. Happiness is wandering trails in our favorite parks, alone, becoming one with the world. Happiness is the smile of our mom when we surprise her with her favorite coffee, or our little brother when we buy him a package of baseball cards for no reason. It is finding bits of our favorite literary characters in the people we meet. It is driving on the highway while our favorite song echos out of the radio.
Happiness is not you anymore, my dear. I am not who I was a year ago so please, lie down. Wait for the alcohol to leave your veins. Wait for your heart to beat with feelings, instead of some artificial nonsense that your fraternity brothers said would steal the pain from you. Happiness, above all else, is genuine. I promise, once your heart beats with life again, you too, can find it.