With every breath he holds me prisoner
His finger clasping around my wrists, chaining me to his name, his home, his hopes
These words spilling from my chest, gaping holes where love once was,
he holds me down like autumn leaves against pavements

I do not breathe,
He has filled my lungs with the sands of our time together, and I am afraid to lose grains by day.

I do not speak,
He has replaced my voice with his own, and I am afraid of his words.

I do not see,
He has taken my eyes and held them, so that I may never reach the light beyond us all

I do not move,
He has stolen my limbs, in the hopes that I am too hurt to crawl away from his hatred.

My voice, my lungs, my eyes, my limbs, they are his.
Though he has gone, the wind carries his scent to my mind and I am afraid
I am afraid to bring him back to life, if only to touch his beating heart made of stone.
If only to talk for a short while, I am afraid to hear his voice, like vinegar and silk, it burns my  skin.
I fear the touch of his ivory skin, a feel I have not found, though it holds me against him.

I walk the line between us
Falling again for his beauty
The kind of beautiful only found gazing upon true monsters,
those who find themselves face to face with death, they see only meaning, only blinding light.
He is Lucifer staring me in the face,
A fallen angel, /my/ fallen angel, he is evil.
He is horrid, and every depiction of sin, but he is /beautiful./
He is beautiful as a sin worse than murder,
A predator against my skin, and I /love him/.

I always was fonder for the pain he offered so freely.
I was always fonder of the broken he made me.

He is a pain I crave,
Like Cigarettes,
like the chemical burn of vodka,
he is heroin and I am craving a hit like an addict,
He is a drug I’ve abused myself to acquire, and he is destroying my mind
Even now, still, when I know he is leaving, when I know he is gone.
I wake up wishing for amnesia.