I'm sitting on that tissue in the doctors office, I'm cold, I can smell the sanitation. The doctor is talking low, she doesn't want to startle me. She speaks so calmly, yet she is telling me I'm not okay, she is saying that there is a large chance that I will die. Without ever actually saying the word death, she says "fatality rate" she says "percentage of fatality" she says "unable to support life". I can feel myself fade away, I'm collapsing in. My foolish past reaches me with heavy regret. I was f***ing.careless with my life. The doctor nods gently and I leave in a trance like state. I am already dead.