If you look at my smile,
You’ll see no pain.
If you look at my arms,
You’ll see just the scars.
If you look at my legs,
You’ll see just the same.
If you look at my eyes,
You’ll see a girl wanting help.

Look:
My smile is what I use,
To cover up all the hurt.
Cover up all the hatred.
That was forming inside of me.
I use this smile to no longer have pain.
I use this smile,
As a sign that I will never be brought down.
I use this smile,
To be the girl that I want to be.

Look:
My arms …
They were the only friends that I had.
My arms…
They were the only ones I could cause some pain.
My arms…
They are something that I am now,
Ashamed of.
My arms…
I’m sorry for not being grateful to you,
until now.

Look:
My legs…
I was never really into walking.
My legs…
I was never grateful to what you brought me.
My legs…
They too were the ones to cause pain.
My legs…
Were there to remind me that I am human,
Sometimes to remind me that,
The pain that I was feeling,
Was demanding to be felt.
I too am sorry to cause you pain.

Look:
My eyes…
They were never really there,
To help me see,
They were never there to guide me,
To where I really wanted to be.
I never realized the love that,
They could feel…
I was never grateful for anything,
That I was given.

That is all that I can tell you.
All that I can give you.
Seeing the pain inside my heart,
Well that would just be too much.
Seeing the uncontrollable feeling inside,
That never really made sense.

I never wanted this scarring on my body,
To represent the meaning of,
What is now…
Cecilia S.

Look:
Smiling…
  never real anymore
Arms…
  never the same again.
Legs…
  never grateful for anything.
Eyes…
  never seeing what is important

If I could

I would have meaningful scars.
Getting them by the ones I onced loved
The ones that once looked up to me
Like a loyal puppy does to their owner.
The impact that each person
Made on me.
The scars that hide the story
Of my life.
Able to tell a story like;
Once upon a time
I was the savior that everyone wanted.
I was the mentor that people looked up to.
I was the woman that made a difference.
I was the one woman that would go to hell and back
To get to where I was going.
What an adventure that would be.

Looking at a roller coaster they are pretty cool.
They start off by jerking you forward, while the instructor says goodbye.
While you are anticipating the ride not really knowing what is coming next,
It kind of gives you this weird feeling inside your stomach as if you never really were ready for this encounter.
Well anyways, as the ride continues it goes slow up the hill that will bring you to the top the hill and it just is moving ever so slightly until…
BAM! You drop down the hill before you can even get your scream out.

You drop just like that like nothing was keeping you on the top.

Then, towards the end of the ride,
You get that overwhelming feeling,
Of how that ride took a little bit out of you.
The fear that was left over from the previous ride.
The cries that you’re hearing,
From people that never took that ride before.

Hearing the tracks pulling up the cart
Screaming because their scars
Are those few people that died.
Those few people that never understood
Never got to experience that scream.
I want my life to have that meaning.
I want my life to have some type of meaning.
The scars that now lie on my body
Are something that can never be changed.
A figure that will never be molded.
My pointless scars that never,
Never got any healing,
Or love.

If I work towards telling stories,
Stories that made my scars appear.
Stories that will allow me to scream.
Stories that will allow me to save my scars,
Save them for a better story.

Look:
Smiling
  The Cancer Treatment I sat through with her.
Arms
  The first moment I fell apart because of death.
Legs
  The bullies that i had in high school.
Eyes
  The treatment that helped me become a better person.

I will always remember,
The roller coaster that screams,
Screams out for help.
I’m sorry my scars have,
Nobody to blame--
But me...