Her Crime | Teen Ink

Her Crime

September 8, 2014
By Anonymous

Once upon a time

There was a girl who commited a crime

It was under the stars and alone at night

Where she could high and stay out of sight

She new it was wrong

But it wouldn't be long

She stoode there thinking "I'm so un-cool"

As she pulled out her tools

All the horrible memories that she saw

She closed her eyes and began to draw

In the warmth of the night 

It felt so right

She closed her eyes

And laid down in the night

And commited her crime...


The author's comments:

WHat inspired me to write this piece was my best friend who commited suicide because she was being bullied. I call it a crime because suicide is sin in the eyes of God.


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This article has 1 comment.


Dynamo DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 12 2014 at 4:20 pm
Dynamo DIAMOND, Lahore, Other
54 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
I used to think falling in love would be personal. But it's all a big public show.

Well, the emotion is certainly there, and it's very powerful, but there are a few shortcomings you can definitely improve. You misspelled some of the words, and the word "un-cool" can be replaced by a better substitute.  Also, you can clarify a bit more what the crime actually is.   Other than that, it's a great attempt! Keep it up!