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Her Crime
September 8, 2014
Once upon a time
There was a girl who commited a crime
It was under the stars and alone at night
Where she could high and stay out of sight
She new it was wrong
But it wouldn't be long
She stoode there thinking "I'm so un-cool"
As she pulled out her tools
All the horrible memories that she saw
She closed her eyes and began to draw
In the warmth of the night
It felt so right
She closed her eyes
And laid down in the night
And commited her crime...
© Anonymous
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This article has 1 comment.
Well, the emotion is certainly there, and it's very powerful, but there are a few shortcomings you can definitely improve. You misspelled some of the words, and the word "un-cool" can be replaced by a better substitute. Also, you can clarify a bit more what the crime actually is. Other than that, it's a great attempt! Keep it up!
WHat inspired me to write this piece was my best friend who commited suicide because she was being bullied. I call it a crime because suicide is sin in the eyes of God.