Torn! | Teen Ink

Torn!

June 10, 2013
By DevinBry SILVER, Dallas City, Illinois
DevinBry SILVER, Dallas City, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
That moment when all you can think about is one person, and you just want to scream your affection for them, but you know it would only make things worse - Devin Bryant (me)


The razor digs into his flesh with bite,
He is sad yet so full of spite.
He feels as if he'll never do anything right,
He ruined the love that gave him height.
The blade is worn,
He is torn.
Torn over love or life,
Why must she fill him with such strife.
His emotions are worn and his flesh is torn,
What is he wishing?,
That he had never been born,
Or TORN!



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This article has 1 comment.


on May. 5 2014 at 5:32 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;If you&#039;re losing your soul and you know it, then you&#039;ve still got a soul left to lose&rdquo; <br /> ― Charles Bukowski

  I think you have to be careful with rhyme scheme here - keep it consistent. Like how you used the "ite" sound four places while the others were just two lines. Other than that, I liked it. The veryyy last line is a little superfulous though! Maybe if you kept it out it would be a lot more impacting :) I like the contrast between "torn" as an emotion and a physical thing. 5/5