TRIGGER WARNING: eating disorder

Many people may think that I’m wrong but the dinner table is the scariest place for me

No horror movie or scary story can prepare me for the fear I feel when I see a dinner table full of food

My stomach feels like it’s turning upside down and sweat glistens on my face

The cold sweat increases when I realize I’m expected to sit here for a long time and make conversation in front of my worst enemy

I decided to take some food because I’m scared of getting questioned about why I’m not eating

I fake eating some bites and try to swallow the food

I can’t force myself to consume so I end up going to the bathroom and spitting out all the food I “ate” 

Everyone looks at me when I leave for the bathroom for the 5th time in the span of an hour

If only they knew what I was going through