Dedication: To all girls and boys who have felt small or lonely due to someone else not knowing your worth. You are beautiful and worth it.

A very true story

Kindness

can go a long way.

I honestly try to see the best in people;

Give them a 

chance.

Even those who went down the wrong path can still be handed a map to good

Why

would

she 

be

any

different?

Girls 

are mean.

When boys are mean they are upfront but girls do all the damage from behind

There are basic rules for being a good human being.

The list can go on and on but I narrowed it down to the three that were broken at my expense

 Don’t ever tell someone something that another told you not to tell.
 Don’t make plans with other people in front of people who are uninvited
 Don’t talk about people behind their backs
I mean just basic things that display basic human decency

You would be surprised on how many people come up short

Let’s start at the 

Beginning

It was a boiling hot day at the tail end of August,

At the cusp of summer bliss and the weight of real life.

I was out of shape but

there was no place I would rather be.

Preseason was a stepping stone back into the routine of reality. 

I saw her.

I knew what she caused last year.

Everyone did.

Word spreads faster than a wildfire

I couldn’t help but feel

        bad.

I felt bad for 

the rumors

I felt bad for 

the names

Maybe 

she just needs a friend

Maybe

it wasn’t true

Maybe 

it wasn’t her fault like they all said

So I started talking to her.

Do I regret that choice now?

Maybe.

August 

melted into September

Bringing books and acne

Lunchtime was an escape 

from the fast approaching deadlines and the infinite homework.

Luckily I got to spend this precious time with my bestest friends

Then she walked over.

She explains she had nowhere to sit.

Again I couldn’t help but feel

                                                  bad

I gave her the benefit of the doubt and let her join us.

It was nice, a blind bliss,

                                for a little bit.

After Games

She treated me to food.

Over the unlimited penne alla vodka, we discussed stories about boys and drama and whatever

Just silly little girl talk

I told her who I like and she did the same

What are friends for if you couldn’t gush over guys with them?

She was happy that we were able to trust each other.

So was I

I would soon regret it.

I think that was the last time I really thought we were friends.

The Little Things

she would do, started to bother me

She would invite my friends to our game

and wouldn’t let them talk to me

She would whisk them away as I packed up.

I didn’t even get to say hi.

I felt like I was the one who was being petty.

Maybe my friends didn’t want to say hi to me

Maybe they just like better than me

I have felt I had no right to be upset when she gave us her friendship

But then she started hanging out with all my friends

                                   without

                                                me.

To add salt in the wound,

she invited one of my best friends over to sleepovers

or parties or whatever 

after our games.

And don’t get me wrong,

I realize that I don’t have to be invited to everything

but

she would make the plans in

                                        front

                                         of

                                        me.

I felt like I couldn’t say anything.

For some reason, I was intimidated by her.

It wasn’t a good feeling.

Tension

Started to brew.

A heavy weight brings down my mood.

Fogging up my days

A storm was brewing but I didn’t know when it was going to strike

I started to feel uncomfortable around her.

When she came to lunch or when I saw her at practice,

I felt heavy and almost

Scared.

My chest would go tight and a lump of fear formed in my throat

I was mad at myself for letting someone else discate me like this

Of course I couldn’t say anything for I am one

To not start drama

And then the hurricane hit.

The world had cooled in a crisp October

It was from the boy I told her that I liked.

Time had passed and so did the crush but still,

Confusion flowed through my brain

              Why is he reaching out to me?

              Why now?

The confusion was replaced with nervousness

Little did I know the words that he sent would make a chain reaction that would change a lot of people’s lives

Hey I have a question

Go ahead.

           Do you like me?

Why?

I was told you do.

She told her.

I started to cry.

I couldn’t help it.

I was angry and hurt.

I confronted her.

As I said, what just happened will change everything.

Logic

Didn’t exist within her mind I guess.

Instead of apologizing for the trust she broke

she decided to be 

                             mad

at

                me.

She was mad because I was upset.

Oh and me and that BOY,

We no longer speak.

A close tight-knit friendship was 

unraveled 

because of the words from her mouth.

I miss the way he was kind to me.

He listened to me.

Now that’s gone.

Practice became a living hell.

She started to target me specifically at practice.

She 

shoved me

pushed me

hit me

To the naked eye, it appeared like an accident,

One of the byproducts of a physical contact sport,

But every inch of turf burn that was on my leg reminded me of her power over me.

How she just intimidated me.

I felt small in size around her.

Talking to her was like walking on eggshells.

One wrong word and she would crack.

As I found out later,

She started to talk about me to my good friends.

I don’t know about the words she said about me

But

Knowing that things were said about me

In a negative way leaves a sour taste in my mouth

I hate that I let her get to me.

Even now when I don’t see her

(you’ll see in a second)

Whenever I even think about her

I get goosebumps and

Just feel down about myself

Time

passed and there was a pressure

looming over our lunch table.

She never stopped talking ill about me or

my friends.

Slowly but surely

One by one

She lost friends.

Till the final one was gone.

And then so was she.

She brought her drama and words with

her to another school

In her absence

Her power was still there.

New things came to light.

I was not ok when she was here.

I am a little more ok now.

It still feels like she is peeking over my

Shoulder.

Waiting for me to mess up

and exploit my negative feelings.

Her words and actions will stay with me.

The turf burn went away but it didn’t take

the countless nigh,

the thoughts of insecurities,

the fear of humiliation.

I wish

her well.

She’s still a person.

One day she won’t control me.

One day.