Falling

You became my sun

My stars

Nothing else to be accomplished

Because I already shot for the sky

And found you

I wish I had more to say about our love

But sadly

It came to an end

Much too soon

Breaking

I realized you weren’t my stars

Only a comet

Shining in your own glory

Until you suddenly vanished from the sky

You fill me up with water when I’m hungry

Let the water seep down my throat

And then leave me

And my body

To be filled with aching pain for food

Told me not to use other medicine

You were my only drug

Until you one day you left

I was forced to quit cold turkey

Tell me God

How do I believe

When I didn’t grow up learning the bible

Instead

I learned how to hurt and deal

You filled me up to 100%

Then you broke

Left me to die

Without any outlet to use

How is it fair

to make me climb the skyscraper

Pretending it's just me and you

Fighting together

When you got on the elevator

And left me to climb the stairs

How am I expected to feel confident

When I showed you my all

And it still wasn’t enough

I wish we were cats

That we had “nine brand new lives”

They never have to heal

Never have to learn

But for us

We only get one life

We get one chance to make it right

Aching

It seems as though my petals are being picked off

One by one

Until I don’t recognize my core

I can’t see how I was ever a flower

My tears water your soul

I become dried out

And nobody ever waters me

I sit down in the bright blue chair of my new counselor’s office

She asks me just like everyone else

“What are you feeling today?”

But I don’t need another person to look at me

I need someone to understand

To feel what I feel

And know why

Tell me how do I fix this

Or don’t tell me at all

I think of you

I drink for you

You only leave me with sorrow

I can’t wait for tomorrow

Out of sight

Out of mind

But you’re not out of my sight

You’re not off my mind

You corner me everyday

Forcing me to feel things towards you

That you don’t deserve

My lungs feel the need for air

You have never been able to give

I avoided you

Sat in the hall instead of the cafeteria

I wonder if you noticed I was missing

I still avoid you

I walk the long way to class

I can’t stand to see you with her

I don’t want to see you doing just fine

Maybe I will always avoid you

I was so proud of you

As though you made me look better

I should never have been proud of you

You just used me until you met her

I walked through the rain to save you

But it turned into a thunderstorm

I couldn’t fight it to claim you

How can you laugh

At the fact that I’m not fine

When you promised you loved me

And I gave it to you one last time

But you were only there to use me

How can you laugh when

You didn’t even notice me cry

Do you talk about me

The same way you talked about the other girls

Like I was only a musical instrument

For you to play

I feel the cold side of the pillow on my face

I feel the metal of my bed frame brush against the back of my hand

“Focus on what you can feel” says the next counselor

I feel your skin on me

The way it used to be

A part of me wants to speak up

Tell you how bad you hurt me

But I hesitate

Now I’m speaking up

But only for myself

I’m done

I’m no longer tired

No longer weak

Now I’m done

Done feeling so numb

I cannot recognize my body

I’m choosing to feel

Keep a smile

Stay positive

Remember

You’re

Strong

Beautiful

Independent

~Imari Jenkins

The cheap amazon necklace you gave me was the hardest part

To erase

Like it became engraved into my chest

Seeped into my veins

Gave me a promise you could never keep

But now its off

I ripped it from my bones

Waited for them to heal

I’m not broken anymore