I want to be a kid again,

To not have to worry about tomorrow,

To not care about yesterday,

To just be in the moment; not past, not future.  

I want to be carefree again,

To not care about what others think about me,

To not have to hide under a mask or happiness,

Afraid of others’ reaction to my sadness and anger.  

I want to be a toddler again,

Relying on and actually trusting adults,

To come to them with hurt,

Letting them put their arms around you and hold you while you cry,

Knowing they will comfort and help me.  

Wearing a sparkly pink sweatshirt to draw attention to ourselves,

Not a black hoodie to detract attention to ourselves.  

I want to not be in high school anymore,

Hiding under a black hoodie,

Blocking others out with headphones, blaring our ears with loud NF rap music,

Afraid of the littlest thing, or meanest people,

Caring so much about the past, stuck in regret

Too deep to let go of.

I want to be able to by myself again,

Not worrying about my past mistakes,

Not caring about others being mad at me,

Their scornful laughs and evil smiles,  

Being a happy, loving, kind kid.  

Not scared of stupid letters on a piece of paper,

Showing how bad I am at school.  

I want nothing more than to be loved for who I am,

Not criticized or judged because of something I said or did,

Not bullied because I’m oblivious to some things, but

Loved because I’m me.  

I want the old me back,

The girl I used to be before it was taken from me.  

The girl who loved bright colors,

Not the girl I am now who likes dark colors.  

I want to be known as someone who cares,

Cares for others hurting,

Comforts those who need comforting, and

Who laughs with others while having fun.  

Because what I want is a perfect life,
One without hurt, sadness, or brokenness.  

A life that doesn’t exist in anyone, let alone me.  

But it’s fun to wish, isn’t it?