The More I Get to Know Men, the More I Like Dogs... | Teen Ink

The More I Get to Know Men, the More I Like Dogs...

December 10, 2008
By Anonymous

Men. As the saying goes, “you can’t live with them, you can’t live without them.” Though I am not sure who this ubiquitous ‘you’ is referring to, since I have only heard this phrase muttered under the breath of exasperated women, I’m going to have to say the ‘you’ is referring to a woman. These days, women have to be weary of men and their ulterior motives. I have found that women often have to stop and ask themselves a variety of questions about the man they’re interested in before pursuing a relationship with him. These questions can vary from “does he really like me or is he just using me?” to “he is just too perfect, could he be gay?” While the general questions may differ from man to man, the common uncertainties about the opposite sex remains. While women may find it hard to live with or without men, women should be able to distinguish the different types of the male species. To fully understand how a woman should go about pursuing her man, women must first know what questions to ask themselves and what to expect from each type of man. Men can be categorized into four main types: the goofball, the bad boy, the charmer, and the nice guy. Each type of man has a certain characteristics that are easy to recognize once you know what you are looking for.
The Goofball

The goofball has many good points. He is the loveable, carefree guy who constantly makes you laugh. He can always cheer you up when you’re in a bad mood. After you’ve had a bad day, the goofball is the one you want to sit at home at hang out with while eating tubs of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Between Ben, Jerry, and the goofball, your mood should be uplifted in no time. The downfall to the goofball is that he often seems to be immature and unable to take things seriously. The question to ask yourself when you are around him is whether or not he likes you or if you are just one of “the guys.” Side effects of hanging out with the goofball may consist of sore facial muscles from smiling, aching abdominal muscles from laughing, and a possible headache from constantly rolling your eyes at his lame jokes. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, be cautious around the goofball. Too much seriousness may scare him away and not enough will send you running in search of the next Dr. Phil -- or anyone else who constantly speaks in a serious and analytical manner.
The Bad Boy

The bad boy comes off as mysterious and dangerous, but on the inside he is very clever and captivating. He can be surprisingly sensitive though he would never let any of his friends know this fact. Deep down, women like the bad boys -- we find their mysterious nature to be attractive. Besides the fact that the bad boy always seems like a good choice because you’ve never met anyone like him, you should be wary around the bad boy. The bad boy can unintentionally win your affection with an amused smirk and a funny comment. The downside of him unintentionally winning your affections is just that -- it was unintentional and may not necessarily be reciprocated. Beware of the bad boy, because whether you realize it or not… he is a heartbreaker. Until the bad boy is ready for commitment, he feels the need to “sow his wild oats.” Another downside to the bad boy is that sooner or later, you probably will get tired of being the only one who makes an effort. The question you need to ponder about is whether you think the bad boy can stick around long enough to have an actual relationship. Remember, you can only play the cat and mouse game for so long before someone gives up.
The Charmer

The charmer is the worst out of these four categories of men. Not only does he appear perfect, he appears to be genuine. The charmer makes you fall head-over-heels in love with him. He makes you feel like a princess, he spoils you, and he appears to worship you. The funny thing about the charmer is you aren’t the only one he is worshipping. The charmer is good at what he does, not only has he charmed you, but he has charmed your friends and family members as well. Oh, and did I mention that he is also charming every other girl that he is talking to? You see, the main problem with the charmer is that you will never know how many girls he is charming. Not only does he seem to be a knight in shining armor, but he is also cunning, persuasive, and a fantastic liar. One of the many downfalls of the charmer is that he will “love” you until you get too complicated for him and then he’ll move on. The charmer will break your heart and feel no remorse, simply because that is what he does. The important information you need to know about the charmer is how to spot him out. Is he too nice to your friends or sister? If the answer is yes, my advice is to RUN.
The Nice Guy

Last but not least, there is the nice guy. He is the best friend who will listen to you complain about anything and everything. The guy who is always there for you after the bad boy, the goofball, and the charmer have all broken your heart. The nice guy is sweet, loyal, and compassionate. He will make a perfect husband and a great father. The good side of the nice guy is that you may have a best friend for life. He will listen to you gripe and complain and will tell you everything you need to know about men. The only thing he won’t tell you is the fact that he has been in love with you for quite some time. This leads to the only downfall to the nice guy, which is the fact that you feel no attraction towards him. You have become so used to thinking of him as your best friend that he has become permanently stuck in the “friend zone.” If you do decide to have a relationship with the nice guy, the relationship often becomes routine and dull. The question that comes to mind when dealing with the nice guy is whether you want to risk possibly losing the friendship if things don’t work out. You can’t expect to stay best friends with him if you end on bad terms. You have to decide if you are willing to trade eating Taco Bell in your sweats together with going to real restaurants where you actually have to shave your legs.

Many women after pursuing the goofball, the bad boy, the charmer, and the nice guy come to the same realization -- maybe we can live without men. What is so great about men anyway? Granted, not all men demonstrate such behaviors and every relationship differs depending on the people involved in the relationship. Also, not all men fit into these four categories. Some men are eclectic and some men are just creepy misfits. The main question remains the same -- what is so great about men? I’m starting to realize that the more men I meet, the more I love coming home to my dog. At least my dog can balance being playful and serious, won’t ever get bored of chasing me, won’t pretend to love me, or care if I haven’t shaved my legs in weeks. Maybe dogs are the solution to all of our man-troubles. So next time you want to give that two-timing loser a second chance, be rational and just go to PetCo instead.

The author's comments:
This piece was inspired by the types of men I have encountered in my life. I had to write a classification essay for my English class and decided to write about something that every woman could understand. I hope readers will find this piece entertaining!

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This article has 8 comments.

on Jun. 17 2014 at 3:24 pm
FullPotential GOLD, Downingtown, Pennsylvania
12 articles 25 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Realism is an excuse for mediocrity.

Actually, it's more than subconscious to place people into categories. It's an integral part of our "humanness." If we can just leverage our ability to categorize and create accurate schemas, we'll actually be much more efficient in our ability to find a companion. For example, I use a technique used by a certain consulting firm. By analyzing whether a person is formal or informal and passionate or relaxed, I can immediate classify them. I immediately know a lot about their personality. It's very helpful. We just have to be willing to accept information that may not be a part of our original perception or category. 

lonely girl said...
on Jun. 26 2013 at 2:05 am
you are absolutely right...i feel related with your article n love ur view n attitute towards  they deserve it...

Abbey V said...
on Apr. 15 2013 at 10:49 pm
Oh girl, I'm sure your match is out there! Heck, you might have already found him by now! I do believe everyone has a match, if not more than one! It's all about timing. I agree with you, I would definitely marry my best friend! Being in a relationship with your best friend is an amazing experience! I hope you get to experience one day! Thank you for your sweet words about my writing! I never knew other people might actually read this! Best wishes. Abbey

Abbey V said...
on Apr. 15 2013 at 10:45 pm
Packerbacker, feel free to step on my toes! I don't mind being placed into a category (because let's be honest - we know everyone does it subconsciously anyway) but I understand your point! As for the article, I wrote it for an English class in high school (which was over five years ago!) so believe me my opinions have changed. I'm glad to hear that you're one of the "nice guys" - those are my favorite "type" as long as the person isn't a pushover! That's just my preference though - I simply like challenges. For the record, I am dating my best friend so I certainly agree with that argument you stated! Thank you for the kind words about my writing - I wish I had time to write about more recent situations!

on Feb. 10 2013 at 1:00 am
Mr.packerbear12 SILVER, Minnesota Lake, Minnesota
5 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Judge lest not you be judged"

"Take the plank out of your own eye before the speck out of your brother's"

"live each day as if it's your last"

"God doesn't give you what you can handle, He helps you handle what you are given"

abbey i'm sorry but i'm going to sttep on your toes. i am a man and do NOT appreicate being put in a category. say that YOU were put in a CATEGORY. 1. nice girl. 2. beautiful but heartless gir. 3. annoying girl. 4. ugly but love you to the end. 5. wants to be your best friend. 6. show off body. oh i'm sure that you don't like that. well anyway being that you write this about us guys you have a misunderstanding about nice guy. i would fit your nice guy description. if a man sees something in you that intrigues him for quite some time than the man should be all the worth it as long as he is a good man of course. and one  question i have for you is: wouldn't you want your husband to be your best freind? i hope you think about that. nice writing:) keep it up:)i think you have been blessed with the gift of writing:) and no i'm not trying to be 'charming'lol

on Dec. 6 2012 at 10:14 pm
cgreene24 BRONZE, Zionsville, Indiana
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"We are the ones who give meaning to these objects in space. A stick can be a gun. A ship can be a soul. Or a television show can be important. Even if no one watches it."-Joss Whedon

While I believe that you write a very interesting article and you're certainly capturing some of the humor that is necessary in day to day life I am forced to question some of the content of this. No person, be they male or female, should be objectified or placed into categories. I think that what a lot of young women don't seem to realize is that the many problems that they have with us are the same problems that we have with them. It's never one-sided. This particular piece of writing, while I am sure it is very entertaining, doesn't capture the transcendental individuality that is real life. Every person is entirely different, there are no categories, there are no types, we are not genres of books, nor styles of music, we are people. So go on living without men, because we don't want to be considered answers on a multiple choice question, just as much as women. 

on Jan. 1 2009 at 6:37 am
Reading this, I understand the four catagories, and yet, I assume my perfect fit is out there. I know it's not impossible because my parents found each other. I want my husband to be my best friend though. I mean, wow, that would just make sense to me. I thought this was entertaining, and I enjoyed it. Please write more. You sound like a comedic (sorry for spelling) writer. =D

Lily said...
on Dec. 23 2008 at 12:40 am
I love this article! Boy, can I relate - I think I married the "nice guy" - he is my best friend!