Have you ever been tired? Like really tired. You know when you don’t feel like doing anything. Well in my case this feeling is constant. I am tired all the time. Is it because of the age and hormones? I don’t know. But what I do know about, are some of the contributing factors due to which I am mentally and physically exhausted all the time.
I am tired of endings. Ending are horrible. Take the example of a book. You start a book, and you feel fine. As the story progresses, you start liking the characters, you identify with them. You are really involved with the story. You are still fine. You laugh at the jokes and cry when somebody dies. And suddenly the story ends. Just like that peace is restored. And the story ends forever. The ending may be happy or unhappy, but it is horrible anyway. Ditto with any show on television or friendships or dates or vacations or anything at all. And it feels like a part of your heart dies with each ending. Endings make me think about mortality and I am way too young to be thinking about mortality. I am really tired of endings.
I am tired of smiling. Because of all the fake smiles I give, my cheeks have started to ache. I am a mess inside my head. I feel like I am broken. But nobody knows because I smile. Day in day out I smile, I smile all the time. I smile if I am happy; I smile if I am sad. My mind feels like a tornado of despair and my face looks like a sunny beach. I smile even when I am tired and I am tired of smiling.
I am tired of not doing anything. I have dreams and hopes, just like anybody else. And I can see them coming true oh so clearly. Yet I do nothing to achieve them, just like everybody else. In this materialistic world, I am letting myself become materialistic. I think and think and think and then forget what I was thinking. I know that if I just get up and do something, I could probably change the world. But I don’t because a voice inside me says it won’t matter. I am so tired of being, well, lazy.
I am tired of waiting for my Hogwarts letter. And I am scared that it may never come and one day I might stop waiting for it. That day I will stop believing in dragons and fairies and ghosts and trolls. I will stop believing in magic and myself. I grew up in the world of stories, fiction and non-fiction, the day I stop believing in stories, I don’t know who I will be. I am tired of my extraordinarily ordinary life.
There are just so many things I am tired of. I am tired of hoping and getting disappointed, treachery, sadness, bad hair days, loosing friends and fear. I am tired of fear. Or am I afraid of fear. I guess I am tired of not knowing, never knowing enough.