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Dancing In the Dark
This story talks about mental illness and are the thoughts in my head. This story is my outlet to escape from issues.
Flowers have two sides to every petal
The sweet and innocent side
Or the Malice side
Which Side would you choose?
A clock being my only companion surrounded by nothing, but my thoughts. I'm surrounded and there is no above, around, or under it. With bare walls and only one window to see the outside world, that is a desolate and harsh place.
Where do thoughts come from?
Is it our brain telling us to face reality or is it just our boredom wanting to find a rude or joyous awakening?
My mother's locket laying heavily on my chest. Who is laying heavily in her grave? For we never found the body and I was too young and naive to understand. Now sitting in a room with my actions and consequences running past my head, will I have to take on the burden of what my mother left me, while my father is rusting away in his bed.
Thoughts, something I don't want, but something I'm so good at.
Acting, my actions could affect millions, is my conscious even ready for that?
Consequences, to see what my thoughts and actions have done, good or bad.
Karma, my consequences backfiring my way with either a positive or negative outcome, mostly negative
"Hey, come on snap out of it. You will be okay, trust me," someone says.
Somebody is squatting right in front of my face. How long has someone been there? My reaction skills must be lacking on me if someone is able to startle me.
" I trust you, Autumn, come on take me to my father I have to talk to him," I say.
Standing seems like a really easy and basic thing to do. Unless you are like me, tired, not tired physically just mentally tired. My passion was taken away from me a long time ago, and I don't plan on having it back any time soon.
"Here, come here I'll help you up," says Autumn.
"Thank you," I say.
Ever thought that every time you move the organisms on your body are taking it as a roller coaster, just a random thought I have to keep my mind busy.
"Come on let's go unleash the new icy legacy," says Autumn.
I put my hand on the scanner and the door unlocks its self slowly. The announcement announces my presence.
"Princess Snowflake, Have a nice day," the announcer said.
There are no nice days, only normal and outlandish days, my day was already outlandish when I opened my eyes,
"Thank you," I say.
"Come on, your father will be waiting for you, "Autumn says.
"I'm coming," I say.
"Let's go make your legacy," says Autumn.
Legacy and Destiny are the same things, its the religion that changes the word, let's go make my story.
¨They say ¨Don't dare, don't you even go there¨
We say ¨Explore, be unique
Be the flower, bloom into who you want to be not who ¨they¨ want you to be¨
Choose, Become, Achieve¨
-Flower Manifest,69 B.W
They say to be what you want, express your opinion, but how come every time I do I get scolded? We have water and soil trying to grow us into a beautiful flower, but if we are a bad petal then what's the point?
My ancestors, The Flowers, made a decision Before Wifi, that they are to make a ritual to make it easier to see who the bad and good petals are. My ancestors made a decree that every female and male must wear a white dress or outfit. The water, teachers,they are in charge to nurture the soil, our minds, to give us as much knowledge we can get til we choose our final destination. The teachers wear Green to represent their status in society. Green represents the optimism of renewal, of spring and of youthfulness.
The soil, parents, they are in charge to protect the flower while we are in our process of blooming. Parents wear Lavender to represent their status in society. Lavender means to have youth and elegance, grace and refinement. The soil is the 3rd to the highest ranks in our society. If a flower goes bad we question their soil and water and we look at all the things the flower has done to stop it from happening.
The sunlight, leaders, they are in charge of our sacred ritual and overlooking our progress. They make the decisions nobody else wants to make. The sunlight is most important in a flower's development they provide the nutrients a flower needs, knowledge, home, and happiness. The sunlight wears, Yellow, to represent their status in society when they come out of the pollen. Yellow represents the bonds of friendship, the taste of success and pride. There are leaders for each sector, the Stigma, Ovary, and Pistil. The High Court that looks over all of them they wear the color Orange, represents bold, passionate and full of life. The High Court does exactly what the other courts do, but if there is an emergency the High Court steps in and fixes the problem. There are only 2 High court members, Princess Snowflake and Emperor Seasons, Snowflake's dad.
There is a Sacred Ritual we do to find out who are the good or bad petals. The Sacred Ritual is a very important holiday for us everyone celebrates and enjoys the feeling of the pollen. When a person comes to the age of 17 they come to Pollen to get tested. The courts keep documentation on who just turned 17, so on the Spring Equinox they put them all together and see who are the good or bad petals. They stand in a plot, while Sunlight is rubbing fertilizers on their forehead, Soil is sprinkling the activator on the petals clothes, and the Water is sprinkling the petal with water and oils. The activator is what is put on the clothes to express the color they are to be put into society. There are over 250 flower color statuses that a petal can join and depend on the flower they can stay where they are living or will need to relocate to another Court.
Where the bad petals go is a place called Desolate. The ancestors came up with the place because they knew there were still be petals that want to fall off the bud. Desolate is a place that doesn't have any sunlight, pollen, or joy. The minute you stand in Desolate you allegedly lose all the enjoyment you had in life. The bad petals are found during the Sacred Ritual when their clothes turn black, black represents the absence of color. They don't belong to anyone court and they don't belong to any, but themselves. Which is dangerous and can start riots, so we keep them in the place called the Desolate where they go to work for the government, but they don't get to enjoy the positive qualities other petals get. They would tell us the old nursery tale to scare and warn the petals of being disobedient.
When heavy laden with frustrations
And the world seems cruelly unfair
Not even one cares of your existence
Nor read the poetry of your life's journey
Of feelings, dreams and your reasons
Life for you at times is a tribulation.
When your heart breaks with rejections
And you're beloved leave you abandon
Not a single soul looks back at you
Nor utter a sole word of consolation
Of love and hope, not even a goodbye
Life for you at times become isolation.
Bad times come to us unexpectedly
At any second of the day as we live
In this earth where man is imperfect
Everyone is on his own accountability
As one thrives to be happy or wronged
Life at times is at the brink of desolation.
My older sister, Icy, she is the leader of the Desolate. She used to run over the Ovary Court, but there was a rebel attack and my sister Icy unleashed a plague called the Lunar plague. She accidentally killed half of her own court and our mother. She accidentally exposed our father King Seasons to the plague and now he is very ill and vulnerable. Before the plague hit him through my father declared Icy be the ruler of Desolate and to stay there for the rest of her petal days and not enjoy the enjoyment of the ways of the petal life. I think bamming my sister is hurting him more than the actual plague because Icy was his favorite, I'm not jealous or hurt by it because Icy was my favorite too.
When Icy had her turn at the sacred Ritual she got the color Orange and everyone was surprised because it's rare to get the color Yellow let alone the color Orange. My father was so proud he planned an entire ball for her achievement before she went to decide what court to be in and work over. She could've stayed at home and wait till she was put on as Queen in the High court, but she didn't want that she wanted to rule over the Ovary court its always been her favorite. My mother came from the Ovary court which is probably why Icy liked it so much. The Ovary's national color is purple to symbolize their loyalness and so my mom would walk around the court wearing beautiful purple dresses and she was constantly painting something purple sometimes the walls, the bed, and even us sometimes.
All the courts combined they are called Flower and this is my home.
A heart is like a high school hallway.
It could be filled with so much emotion and chaos and it can be empty and silent just as fast.
That's what I'm thinking about when Autumn is taking me to my father. The High Court is a giant rose with all of the colors from the other courts. The hallways aren't crowded, but the paths are constantly changing because the High Court has a mind of its own and will add another thorn, a room, or another flower petal, an office. The High Court controls the way of the other courts without the High Court, the courts wouldn't be able to sustain and will turn into the Rotten.
The Rotten is a place where fallen Courts go. The Rotten is most known as the ¨The World of the Forgotten,¨. The Rotten is similar to the Decay, just if you end up not remembered you turn into a seed and get blown to whatever kingdom you go next, but you can't remember anything or you can choose to die and not turn into a seed but into a Lily, which represents death.
The phloem, hallway, is full of artists, workers, and physicians. My mother's remembrance is coming soon and my dad wants a flower built in her honor. My father, King Season, was married to my mother for 67 years, they married at a young age, and they seemed to have found the love of their life. My father is going through a lot with him losing his wife and his daughter on the same day if I was him I would want the plague to kill me sooner.
¨Autumn, where is my father held now? ¨ I said.
Autumn is in front of me talking to an artist about how the color should be a mix of purple and blue since those are my father and mother's favorite colors. Autumn lives and works at the castle, she is my assistant. To other people, she is really my servant, but I don't like using that term she has been with me ever since I came out of the womb. Her mother and mine were best friends which I guess made us great friends. Her mother was very devasted and hurt to hear that she was, it was tragic to see, Autumn's mom is the only mother figure I have in my life besides my mother because she is so like her in many ways.
¨Here I'll take you, duck¨ Autumn says.
We duck around a portrait of my mother that two artists where carrying. We head up into the soil and water part of the Court, the vascular plants, they just come here to give knowledge to others and then they leave to tend to their families.
We go up another level to the Stomata, the soil and water are not allowed here only people with royal status are allowed to come here. We walk up to the arched door with a bunch of beautiful petals surrounding the door. I put my hand on the scanner while Autumn is behind me making sure nobody is around.
The door opened with a click and then Autumn grabbed my hand, we walked slowly to my father's room.
Does walking slowly really do anything? Like I know if you're in a sport then sure walk slowly to catch your breath, but in a serious situation wouldn't it be better to run or walk faster than walking slowly. Or is it our brain telling us I'm trying to show you the harsh truth really slowly so you don't freak out. Even though our brain showing us the harsh truth its really just a negative thought and us branching out on that thought, till the thought consumes our entire mindset.
We reach my father's room. I haven't been in here for a while there are so many wires, tubes, and just a lot of everything. He looks very weak, can he even open eyes? There are so many presents from the other courts in the corner. I don't know why they brought him presents when he won't even be able to open them.
¨Hi Dad,¨ I say
¨ I was wondering when you were gonna say something I could tell you were there. Your old man still looking like a young petal?¨ He says
¨How did you know was there, your eyes aren't open?¨ I ask him.
¨I heard the door open and close and two pairs of shoes which mean either you and Autumn are here or another set of doctors with another set of tubes¨ He says.
¨Hi King Seasons,¨ Autumn says
¨Autumn, honey child, I told you a long time ago you don't need to call me that we're basically family call me Dad or Uncle Seasons¨ He says with a smile.
At least he still has enough strength to let him speak perfectly fine and is able to smile. If he is able to talk and smile perfectly fine, why can't he open his eyes?
"Dad, you should take it easy. You are still sick from the plague." Autumn says
"I'll be fine I may have all these tubes in me, but that's not gonna stop me from raising my little girls and running this kingdom," He says
"Dad, how are you able to talk and smile perfectly fine, but you can't open your eyes?" I say
"The Plague. I can do almost everything perfectly fine except open my eyes, move, sometimes I can't speak because the back of my throat will get super dry and my uvula will get dry and it burns to try to. You just caught me on a good day." He says
"While speaking of the dry throat it's coming to that painful part can you go get me some honey please," He asked.
"Of course we will come back as fast as we can you just lay here and get well" Autumn says
"I love you Dad we'll be back soon," I say
"You two, honey," He says.
I and Autumn walk out of the room quickly and quietly. When we shut the door, we looked at each other and we both had the exact same thought.
He's going to die soon
When my sister released the plague, more people died from short-term effects than the long-term effects. The short-term effects are the people are weak, can't move, and have very shallow breathes. When the people were first introduced to the plague they immediately shriveled and when the medics came to heal them it was already too late. The long-term effects are everything gets better, but they start having small delusions and it continues until the person kills themselves or are put down.
My actions and thoughts overcame my mind, but in the time of the accident who will win
Or will it be my self-control
Another Day/Another Time
Another Truth/Another Lie
Another Life being Born/Another Life being Taken
Another Person bound to their Job/Another Person bound to their Passion
There are so many possibilities of something positive happening in other peoples lives, how come something positive won't happen in mine?
We head down to the vascular plant, soil, and water, to go and get my dad his honey.
When we move into the room a bunch of soil and water are waving at us and smiling. A group of petals is playing hide and go seek by a tree. I can overhear the soil explaining the Sacred Ritual to the other petals. I forgot all about the Sacred Ritual, I've been so deep in my thoughts I haven't realized the Bargaining Tree's leaves are painted on.
The Bargaining Tree is where the Sacred Ritual is held. We paint some of the leaves to represent that we are turning over a new leaf and leaving the past.
I bumped into Autumn, she stopped in front of me. A soil seemed to be saying thank you to me, but I wasn't listening.
"We are all so grateful for what you and King Season has done for us and I hope this gift will help you throughout your mothers memorial event tonight." Soil said.
Soil gives me a purple necklace with so many stars in it, it's basically a galaxy. My mother loved the color purple because it was her old home's national color, Ovary. Purple stands for dignity, pride, and success. My mother was also known for playing with the Little Petals and looking at the constellations. Her favorite quote was from the book The Fault in our Stars
¨My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations¨
She always told us stars are petals, they are there for a purpose with a limited amount of time and when their time is up they leave.
¨Thank you, she would love this.¨ I say.
¨Your welcome, I'm sorry for your loss¨ Soil says.
¨Im sorry, but I didn't get your name.¨ I say
¨My name is Luna, Luna Whitethorn. People just call me Soil though,¨Luna says.
¨Nice to meet you, Luna, will you give me the honors of putting this on me,¨ I said.
¨ Oh wow yes I guess if you don't mind I don't want to ruin it or hurt you or anything.¨ Luna says.
¨I trust you, its okay¨ I say.
I hand her back the necklace, I notice her hands her shaking while I hand it over to her.
Why is she shaking I'm a normal petal just like her?
She puts it on me and it clinks with my mother's locket, two things that belong to her that I have to carry.
¨Thank you, the necklace looks lovely,¨ I said.
¨Your welcome, it looks absolutely fabulous on you,¨ Luna says.
¨ I have to go now I'll see you around for the memorial and the Sacred Ritual, right?¨ I say.
¨Yes, of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world,¨ Luna says.
¨Okay, I'll see you then bye,¨ I said.
¨Bye,¨ Luna says.
I and Autumn walk away to the Galley to get the honey for my dad. The cooks and the workers are working like bees, the head chef seems like she doesn't want one thing to be misplaced or ruined.
¨Yall better work like there's no tomorrow because if these come out and they look terrible there will be no tomorrow,¨ Chef says.
¨Hello Chef, May we get some honey for King Seasons? ¨ Autumn ask.
¨Oh Hi there, Autumn and Princess Snowflake, of course, you can, you are welcome in here anytime,¨ Chef says.
¨Thank you,¨ Autumn says.
Autumn rushes over to the cabinet and ducks under a plate a worker is giving to another worker. She rushes out and grabs my hand and we walk really fast to where my dad is.
¨You have a nice day,¨ Chef says.
¨You too,¨ I yell back while being dragged away.
We go back to the door, I place my hand on the scanner to open the door.
¨Well isn't today festive, everyone is so excited for the event,¨Autumn says.
We walk down the hallway to my dad's door.
¨Yeah, it seems like it when this is all down I wanna give them a gift for all their work and make them relaxed,¨I said.
¨Especially Chef, she looks like she was fixing to hit someone with a rolling pin if they even thought about dropping something,¨Autumn says.
We both laugh while we are opening up my dad's door. We walk to his bed and it looks like he has finally got some rest. I open the honey and get a spoon that's on the bedside table and get a little bit of honey on the spoon, and I put it into his mouth. I put 3 little spoonfuls of honey in his mouth, then I close the lid and me and Autumn walks out of the room quietly.
Autumn goes to help the seamstress make dresses for the petals-in-waiting. I walk to the Sacred Grounds where the lines of the burial ground and the Desolate cross into each other. I bow onto my knees and I start crying.
¨I really miss yall, I feel so lonely without yall and everyone is putting so much pressure on me that everything will turn out okay. My thoughts are tearing me apart, it's hurting me. I'm constantly zoning out, nobody even barely realizes I'm there, just nothing and something at the same time. I don't want it, I don't want it anymore,¨I yell.
¨Make some more noise won't ya I think the dead heard you,¨someone says.
I look up and rub the tears out of my eyes.
¨What? ¨ I say.
¨Hey little sister, How are you? ¨ someone says.
A pair of eyes that is the door to our souls
A heart that is the door to emotions
A brain that is the door to knowledge Why not windows? Do the windows come with the door or does it not matter?
If that's the truth, then is that why we always get sick because our door/windows are constantly open, but if we close the door/window we get called an emotionless prick and get branded with the title sociopath?
I can't uphold the society's standards, but if I don't I would end up in an electrocution chair, pros and cons to every situation.
The Question is do I begin my reign of nonconformity and create my own story or stay conformed and let someone create my story for me?
*Flashback when Icy is 10 and Snowflake is 8*
My sister and I were best friends. We did everything together, we played together, played pranks on the workers, and we even would have girl talk.
"Snowflake hurry up your gonna miss it," Icy says.
Icy is running to the Bargaining Tree wearing a blue dress to symbolize serenity and openness.
"You're going too fast slow down," I say.
I am wearing a white dress to symbolize purity and humility. We are all supposed to wear white clothes, but Icy likes finding loopholes.
She gives the soils a living hell with how good she can find
Everyone is at the Bargaining Tree because today is the day the petals show their true colors. We aren't supposed to see it, we are supposed to be back in the Study Hall working. Icy found a loophole through it.
"They said we had to work, they never said where to work," Icy claims.
Icy finds this hill that is far enough away that nobody sees us, but enough to see all the action.
"Come on Special Snowflake, your gonna miss it," Icy says.
Special snowflake is her nickname for me. We had an instructor that said nobody is a special snowflake and Icy attacked the teacher. Icy gives me the nickname Special Snowflake and if anybody made fun of it or said I wasn't she would attack them.
"I'm here, did I miss anything?" I ask.
"They are just starting it, look they are doing the first phase," Icy says.
The first phase is they have to say the flower manifest and promise to always do what's best for the society.
"Look they're doing it!" Icy squeals.
The soil, water, and our father and mother, King Season and Queen Lunar, are putting the fertilizer on her.
Her dress is turning orange to blue, to purple and to the most dangerous colors of all, black.
"NO, its a mistake I swear I'm a good petal please I promise I'm a good petal" She yells.
Our mother turns away she could never stomach for the agony a person has to bear, she is a gentle soul. My father has to do the dirty work, he tries to hide it, but I think it bothers him.
"I'm sorry your dress has shown your true colors you will be given a few minutes to say goodbye to your loved ones and then you will be sent to the Desolate, to carry out your wishes," he says.
She is crying and sobbing, no wonder mother can't bear it.
"You won't have that fate," Icy says.
"How do you know?" I ask her.
"Because I won't let you, anybody who thinks they can take you away from me is coming for a rude awakening. I'll do anything for you, I love you Snowflake." Icy says.
"I won't let anybody take you away either, I love you too Icy," I say.
Icy always did keep her promises, but who knew she was the one to flip the script.