I Exist | Teen Ink

I Exist

January 4, 2014
By dena skydell, new york, New York
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dena skydell, New York, New York
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Maddie Stark trudged through the snow, lifting her legs up high with each step. The snow in the park was up to her knees and her leggings were already soaked. She saw Jordan standing with his back to her a few yards away, his hands stuffed in his pockets. She’d been dating Jordan since freshmen year. Now they were seniors in high school and still going strong.
“Jordan!” Maddie called. Jordan turned around to face her. He jogged over, kicking up flurries of snow as he ran.
“Hey,” Jordan said breathlessly. His blond hair was damp and darkened from the falling snow. The two of them spoke animatedly about their new idea.
“Organizing a bake sale to raise funds for the local hospital would be great!” Maddie enthused. “But are you sure that we’ll raise a lot of money that way?
“Trust me, a bake sale will definitely bring in a lot of money,” Jordan said. His nose was pink from the cold.
“Jordan,” Maddie looked at him, “how are you going to have time for this? Don’t you have a big game coming up?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll make the time.”
“You’re too good, Jordan.”
“You bring out the best in me.” Jordan grinned. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn’t notice that they were being watched. Less than a yard away, Calvin was staring at them. His eyes burned into the image of the good-looking, happy couple laughing together. Calvin stared at them until his eyes crossed. This girl was clearly so in love with Jordan.
“Of course she is,” Calvin thought bitterly, “he’s such a charmer, my brother.” He continued to glare at them, his face hidden by the dark shadows from his eskimo coat’s hood.

It was 5:30 in the afternoon and it was dinnertime in the Montgomery home. The family of five was seated at their round dining-room table and the entire family watched the eldest son admiringly as he spoke.


“So we made the playoffs!” Jordan told his family excitedly.


“Yes!” Mr. Montgomery pumped his fist in the air. “All thanks to you, Jord!” Jordan’s lightly tanned face turned pink with pride and embarrassment.


“Not really, Dad. We all worked really hard for this.” Mr. Montgomery leaned across the table and high-fived Jordan.


“That’s great!” Mrs. Montgomery exclaimed. “What about your physics test? Weren’t you supposed to get it back today?” Jordan looked uncomfortable. “What did you get on it, sweetie?”


“Uh…100.” Mrs. Montgomery practically glowed.


“Jordan,” 13-year-old Kelly giggled, “all the girls in my class have a crush on you. They wanna marry you.”


“They’ll have to get in line,” Mr. Montgomery chuckled.


“They want Jordan to sit in the front row at graduation so they could all watch him!” Kelly smiled adorably, displaying the small gap between her front two teeth. Jordan blushed.


“So, did you make honor roll this semester?” Mrs. Montgomery asked Jordan.


“Yeah,” Jordan answered shyly.


“What a surprise.” Mr. Montgomery joked.


“Uh, does anyone want some more of this chicken? It’s delicious, Mom.” Jordan tried to change the subject.

“Pass it to Kelly,” Mrs. Montgomery said, “and tell us about your day. Anything interesting happen today?”


“Oh!” Jordan remarked excitedly. “I forgot to mention that me and Maddie went to Principal Barnes today with the idea of organizing a blood drive for the local hospital.”
Calvin choked on his piece of chicken and started coughing. Calvin was a year younger than Jordan and the two boys went to the same high school. The rest of the family held their breath as they waited for Jordan to finish his sentence.


“He said yes!” The entire family broke out in roaring cheers and Mrs. Montgomery got out of her chair to give her eldest son a big hug.


“Water,” Calvin hacked, “Can-can I have s-some water?” He pointed to his throat and coughed loudly but his raspy voice was drowned out with his family’s squeals of excitement as they listened to Jordan shyly describe another one of his fabulous accomplishments.



The next morning, Jordan sleepily made his way into the kitchen. His thick, dark hair was still messy from sleep and there was a pillow crease on his tanned cheek. Calvin noted all of this from his half-hidden position on the stairs and he watched his older brother quickly shovel cereal down his throat. He watched while Jordan checked his phone, grinning as he read his texts.


“Probably from Maddie.” Calvin thought bitterly. Jordan suddenly looked up from his phone and noticed Calvin staring.


“Hey,” Jordan smiled, revealing a small dimple in his left cheek, “aren’t you gonna eat breakfast, Cal?” It bothered Calvin that Jordan was so polite in the morning and that despite the pillow crease and bedhead, he still looked great. Calvin looked at his reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall and swallowed hard. He hated how his hair was so greasy and his nose was too long. He hated his small eyes and pointy chin. He didn’t even realize he was glaring at Jordan until Jordan raised his eyebrows in confusion. He hated that his body was so scrawny despite his nighttime efforts to lift weights before bed.
“Cal?” Jordan stared at him. Calvin imagined himself jumping out of his seat and grabbing Jordan’s shoulders roughly. He envisioned himself shaking Jordan violently.
“Don’t call me Cal!” Calvin wanted to scream, His throat felt tight and constricted with anger at the unfairness of his appearance.


“Nah,” Calvin muttered, “I’m not hungry.” Jordan shrugged amiably and continued eating. He didn’t notice that Calvin had quietly left the room.

“So please bring in money tomorrow for the bake sale! And if you’re going to be baking for the event, please sign up. Sign up sheets are in the gym!” Jordan spoke earnestly from the podium as he addressed 600 students in the auditorium. “I can promise you guys that this bake sale is gonna be huge! We’re going to raise at least $5,000 if we all work together! We’re going to help so many people! Who’s excited?” The entire room leaped to their feet to give Jordan a loud, long-lasting standing ovation. His cheeks were flushed a light pink as he walked back to his seat, smiling at each person who stopped him to tell him how good of a motivator he was.


“He’s so cute!” Kimberly Miller sighed to her friend as they watched him laughing with the basketball team. They ogled him and eyed his beautiful girlfriend, Maddie Stark, as she made her way towards him.


“They’re both perfect,” Sienna Corey whispered on the other side of the room as she watched the school’s power couple talk enthusiastically.


“I love how he’s gorgeous and nice,” Aubrey Fowler said to her friend.


“And smart,” her friend reminded her, “he’s also smart.”


“Hi, Aubrey,” Calvin sat down in the seat next to hers, “how’ve you been?”


“What?”


“I said, how have-“


“No, I know what you said. I’m just-sorry, do I know you?” Aubrey looked genuinely confused.


“Well, yeah. You’re my lab partner,” Calvin explained, “we’ve been partners for the entire year.”


“No,” Aubrey said slowly, “I don’t know who you are.”


“Calvin Montgomery,” Calvin’s veiny, white hand was trembling as he held it out for her to shake. She ignored his hand and glanced at her friend.


“Montgomery?”


“Yeah,” Calvin looked excited to have started a conversation. “I know it’s kind of-“


“Montgomery.” Aubrey repeated.


“So, like, you’re related to Jordan?” Her friend’s eyes widened and she elbowed Aubrey in the ribs


“Uh, well, he’s my brother…”


“Yeah, okay,” Aubrey rolled her eyes.


“No, really,” Calvin insisted, “He’s my brother.”


“Trust me, we’d know if Jordan had a brother. You guys are clearly not siblings. You look nothing like Jordan,” her friend laughed. “You guys have nothing in common.”


“That’s not true,” Calvin whispered, clenching his fists.


“Look at him,” Aubrey said. A crowd of adoring people surrounded Jordan and Calvin stared at him, hating his perfectly sculpted bone structure and handsome square jaw, “And now look at yourself.” Tears prickled the back of Calvin’s eyes and he stared down past his ink-stained fingers. His gaze rested on his feet; his pants were too short so his scrawny, veiny legs were poking out of the bottoms.


“Of course Jordan’s pants are long enough.” Calvin thought bitterly. “I look like a clown.” The girls turned away from Calvin and continued gossiping among themselves. Calvin got up slowly and walked away feeling incredibly awkward.


“I’m so stupid.” Calvin thought angrily, “Why did I even try? What exactly was I trying to accomplish? Did I think they would like me? I’m such an idiot, why did I think they would want to be friends with me? No one ever does. I’m so done with all of this. I’m done. I’m so sick of all of this.” He slunk out of the auditorium alone and ran to the bathroom, hot tears dribbling down his cheeks. He stared at his reflection as he cried. His skinny face was a mess of snot, saliva, and tears.


“It’s okay,” Calvin heard a smooth, soothing voice say right outside the bathroom. Calvin froze as he listened to Jordan comforting a crying girl. “Maddie, listen to me. We’ll still be together after high school.”


“I don’t want it to end,” she wailed, “I feel like I can’t go to college without you.”


“You were so excited about New York, though!” Jordan said. Calvin heard Maddie sniffling and something tugged at his heart. “Columbia’s your dream.”


“I don’t want to go without you!” Maddie shouted. There was a long silence that followed Maddie’s outburst.


“Maddie,” Jordan said, breaking the silence, “I got into NYU. We can still be together.” Maddie shrieked.


“Oh my god!” She squealed. “I-I don’t know what to say! I’m so happy, Jordan! Wait, does your family know? I thought your parents wanted you to go to Harvard.”


“They’ll understand.” Jordan said, “My family’s the best. My parents and Kelly are so supportive of all of my decisions.” Calvin staggered backwards and gaped at his reflection. “My parents and Kelly,” Jordan had said. What about Calvin? Was he so insignificant that he couldn’t even be mentioned as a part of his family?


“I’ll grab you a tissue,” Jordan told Maddie laughing, “Stop crying!” Calvin froze and Jordan walked into the bathroom. The two brothers stared at each other. Calvin felt meek and embarrassed of his snotty, tear-filled face under Jordan’s scrutiny.


“Hi,” Jordan smiled his warm, automatic smile. He reached for a tissue for Maddie and walked out. Calvin’s lips quivered as he sobbed alone.

After school, Calvin shuffled out of the building. He kept his eyes downcast and his hands stuffed in his pockets. A boy jostled into him and he looked up.

“Hey!”
A tall-brown-haired boy clamped his hand down on Calvin’s shoulder. Calvin recognized him immediately. Robbie Martinez, captain of Edison High School’s football team. At 6’4, Robbie loomed over Calvin and Calvin took a step back.
“Hold up there, little buddy. You’re Corey Montgomery, right?”
Before Calvin could respond, Robbie shoved him backwards. Pain shot up his back the moment his back hit the brick wall.
“Give it to me, Montgomery! Just give it to me!”

“I-“ Calvin’s eyes were wide with fear and Robbie punched him square in the jaw. Calvin fell to the ground, holding his cheek. Two more boys flanked Robbie.

“Give it to me!” Robbie knelt to the ground and put his face right next to Calvin’s. He was breathing hard. Calvin’s vision was becoming hazy as he realized that a crowd of students had formed around them. Robbie kicked Calvin in the stomach and a loud choking sound escaped Calvin’s throat.
“Six hundred dollars in my wallet, I’ve been saving for months. Just give it back, Corey! I know you have it! I left it in the library for less than ten minutes and you’re the only person who signed into the library since then!”

“I didn’t-“

“Stop lying!” Robbie shouted. He grabbed Calvin’s arms and pinned them over his head. “You don’t need the money, Montgomery! I have six kids in my family, okay? My dad isn’t some super slick lawyer like your dad! We got no money! I’ve been saving this cash to help my family out! My dad has no job! Just give it back!” Calvin was too dizzy to feel violated or humiliated as he felt hands searching his body. His eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth was twisted to the side in pain.

“Hey!” Calvin heard a voice shout. “No fighting on school grounds!” The crowd thinned out quickly and Robbie kicked Calvin one last time before running off. Calvin’s body twitched and he reached up to the side of his face. A gooey, clotted stream of blood was pouring steadily from his nose. His eyes fluttered open and he moaned. He stood up slowly and staggered down the street, his fingers trembling as he cupped his swollen nose.

When Calvin got home, he walked past the kitchen. His parents and Kelly were sitting around the table. They didn’t notice Calvin standing in the doorway. After a few minutes of standing silently, Calvin turned around and walked slowly up the stairs. He passed by Jordan on his way to the bathroom.

“Whoa, Cal! What happened?” Jordan sounded concerned.

“I fell.” Calvin said shortly. His voice was muffled behind his palm. He walked stiffly into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

The next day, Jordan walked to school with his friends and he strode confidently into the building. Half of the basketball team was trailing behind him, all vying for his attention. Jordan’s smile was infectious and everyone he spoke to felt important. Kids nodded to him as he walked towards his locker with his friends.


“Hey!” Maddie walked over to him. She was smiling prettily and her long blond hair cascaded down her back in thick waves. She handed him a coffee. “I picked this up for you on the way to school.” Jordan took the coffee and grinned at the crowd of people that surrounded him admiringly. He was about to thank Maddie for going out of her way, when all of a sudden, a deafeningly loud boom sounded. Jordan screamed when he saw Travis Colton topple to the ground, clutching his chest. Blood seeped from his shirt and the hallway was filled with shrieks and shouts as all of the 600 students of Edison High School attempted to get out of the building. Fear pulsed through Jordan’s veins as he watched his fellow students trample over Travis’s bloody body. Jordan dropped to the ground and shook Travis.


“Help!” Jordan shouted. “Somebody please help! He’s not breathing!” His voice was inaudible in the absolute chaos that surrounded him. Glass was shattered all over the floor; books and papers were scattered everywhere.


“Oh my god,” Jordan whispered, “oh my god.” His eyes darted back and forth anxiously as he felt himself go into panic-mode. His breath came out in short pants as he started to hyperventilate and he ran towards the library. His head felt fuzzy and he shook the doorknob rapidly. The door was locked.


“Let me in!” Jordan pounded on the door. “Please! Let me in!” The door opened abruptly and a redheaded girl poked her face out. She was crying; her hair had escaped her tight braid and was hanging wildly around her face.


“Stop banging on the door!” She whispered harshly, her eyes flashing. She moved aside and Jordan ran into the library. The girl locked the door behind them and raced to hide herself. Jordan crouched on the floor behind a bookshelf, his heart thudding. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to prevent a flood of tears from spilling down his cheeks. He exhaled slowly, trying to calm his racing heart. A loud ringing sound escaped from his pocket and he fumbled to quickly reach for his phone.


“Turn it off!” The red-haired girl hissed at him from across the library. Jordan turned the ringer off and silently brought the phone to his ear.


“Jordan?” His stomach clenched when he heard Maddie’s voice. She was sobbing uncontrollably and he could barely understand what she was saying: “Jenny…Principal’s office…Can’t…Scared…Calvin…Parents aren’t picking up…I don’t…”


“What?” Jordan whispered into the phone. “Try to calm down, Maddie. I can’t understand you.” Jordan yanked the phone away from his ear as Maddie started screaming and she hung up abruptly.


“Maddie?” Jordan’s voice rose with hysteria and he shouted into the phone. “Maddie!” He heard a gunshot, followed by two more. It was loud and heart-wrenching, telling of panic and fear and the terrible chaos that enveloped the building.


“Stop it! The redheaded girl whisper-shouted from across the room. He redialed her number and his fingers were shaking so badly that he could barely hold up the phone. She didn’t pick up and Jordan dashed out of the library. He saw many towering, angular shapes behind him, surrounding him on all sides. He was aware of his surroundings, but he couldn’t see clearly. The hallway was an interminable haze of black tiles, blue-gray lockers, haphazardly scattered textbooks, and painfully bright fluorescent lights. Jordan’s chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath. He ran to the principal’s office and tried opening the door but it was locked. He pounded on the door and the door was thrown open. Jordan’s breath caught in his throat when he saw Calvin standing in front of him.


“Oh my god,” Jordan said, relief clear in his voice, “thank god you’re okay. I was so worried… is Maddie here? She called me crying…” Jordan’s voice trailed off when he realized that Calvin wasn’t moving. “Uh, let me in, man. There’s a shooter running the halls, it’s not safe out here.”


“These halls have never been a safe place for me.” Calvin’s voice was dangerously low and he slowly pulled out a gun from behind his back. The entire world seemed to fade and in that moment, time stopped.

“Wha-“ Jordan’s eyes were wide with fear and bewilderment.


“Get inside!” Calvin barked. Jordan’s feet felt heavy and he walked mechanically into the principal’s office. He could not formulate words or make any sense of what was going on. Maddie was crouched on the floor and she was crying. Jordan recognized his friends standing at the end of the room. His friends, Jenny, Chris, and Abe stood next to Maddie. The room was silent except for Maddie’s loud sobs.


“What are you doing?” Jordan shouted at Calvin, finally finding his voice. “Put down the gun, Calvin! This doesn’t make any sense!”


“Sense?” Calvin laughed, “Nothing about what goes on in this building makes any sense.”


“Please,” Jordan begged, his voice cracking. Calvin smiled. The bruises on his cheek from the past day were prominent against his pale skin.


“Well, well. That’s a first. Jordan Montgomery begging me…me! You’re scared; you’re confused. All of you are. Why is this happening, you’re probably asking yourself. That’s what I’ve asked myself everyday for the past two years. Do you know what its like to be scared to walk into a building full of people who ignore you? What it’s like to not be good at anything?” The only sound in the room was the sound of Maddie’s teeth chattering loudly. Jordan’s hand was slick with sweat as he gripped hers tightly.


“Calvin…” Calvin cut Jordan off.


“All of you. Against the wall.” Calvin yelled. Jordan grabbed Maddie and held her tightly. Her blond ringlets were plastered against her sweaty face and her nose was running. “Let’s see who we have here.” Calvin studied the five of them closely and Jordan flinched.


“You. You’re Jenny Schultz. You made the cheerleading team in freshmen year and you’re actually a redhead. You started dying your hair blond in the summer of sophomore year. You’re failing calculus and need a tutor desperately but you can’t afford it because your dad was laid off from his job four months ago.” Jenny’s mouth dropped open.


“But-but…how do-how do you…?” Jenny stammered. Calvin cut her off and started to rattle off personal facts about all of their private lives.


“How do you know all of this?” Chris was shaking. “I’ve never spoken to you. I don’t even know you your name!”


“And that’s exactly the problem, Chris. You don’t know who I am. None of you do.”


“You’re my brother.” Jordan’s voice was hollow.


“And I think today might be the very first day that you’ve acknowledged that,” Calvin glared at all of them. “You’re all too self-absorbed in your own fabulous lives to notice anyone else. You’re all so pathetically shallow; it makes me sick.” Calvin turned to Abe. “Abe, go onto Livestream.” He pointed at the computer on Principal Barnes’ desk.


“What?” Abe looked confused. Calvin repeated himself and held his gun up to Abe’s face. The room silenced immediately and Abe walked over to the computer. He logged on Livestream with quaking fingers.


“Now start a Livestream.” Calvin’s voice was eerily calm. Abe clicked Livestream and moments later, the room was being broadcast to the entire world. “Hello, world!” Calvin waved at the screen with a wide smile. “Welcome to a screening of a roomful of the most self-absorbed people I have ever encountered.” Maddie covered her mouth with her hands to muffle the choking sobs that racked her body. Calvin twirled the gun in his hand. “Now, I’m sure that if you’re watching this Livestream, you’re probably panicking. Maybe you even want to do your good deed of the day and call the police. Well, let me tell you that if a policeman so much as touches the door of this room, I will shoot every person in this room.” Jordan’s head was filled with a dull throbbing and the fluorescent lights suddenly seemed too bright.


“Calvin,” Jordan spoke in a low voice.


“Abe,” Calvin’s voice was unnaturally loud. “How ‘bout you tell all our-“ He glanced at the screen. “Whoa. How ‘bout you tell our 30,000 viewers about what a stupid cheater you are. Go on, now.” Abe’s mouth hung open. “Tell them all about how you blackmailed Coach Ryan into making you captain of the football team so that you’d look good to colleges, you little jerk. You didn’t deserve the scholarship you got from all those Ivies. I’ll bet you were smiling when Daddy told you how proud he was of you, weren’t you?” Abe started crying; big, heaving sobs ripped through his body. Jordan lowered his eyes. It felt so wrong to watch this broad-shouldered, thick muscled jock weeping miserably.


“Say it.” Calvin hissed. “Say that you cheated. You didn’t deserve your scholarship.”


“I cheated.” Abe wept, “I didn’t deserve my scholarship.” Abe’s body shook with convulsing sobs and he lowered his head with shame. Jordan wondered what Abe’s dad was thinking right now if he was watching this. Jordan remembered Abe’s dad. Abe’s dad was short with a beer belly that hung over his pants. He came to every basketball game that Abe had played in since he made the team in sophomore year. Abe’s dad worked for a catering company and after every game, he brought cookies for the whole team.
“Those cookies were gross,” Jordan thought to himself. Suddenly, a lump formed in Jordan’s throat and he couldn’t swallow past it. Calvin glanced at the principal’s desk and reached for the platter of powdered donuts that was placed neatly next to a tall pile of papers.
“Mmmm…” Calvin held the donut up to his face and took a huge bite. Custard spilled onto his lips and he lazily licked it off. “Jordan stood at the wall with his arm around Maddie and the two of them were frozen as they watched Calvin. Calvin caught Maddie’s eye.
“Hey, Mads,” Calvin took another bite and chewed with his mouth wide open, “Want one?” He held out the half-eaten donut to Maddie and she shook her head. “Try it, it’s delicious.”
“She said she doesn’t want it, Calvin. Leave her alone.” Jordan said stiffly. Maddie’s eyes filled with tears and Calvin smirked.
“I’m not hungry,” Maddie’s voice was small.
“Eat it!” Calvin thrust the donut in front of her and she started crying.
“What are you doing?” Jordan shouted.
“I’m doing what you should’ve done a long time ago!” Calvin shouted back. “Your girlfriend hasn’t eaten a normal meal for the past two years and you haven’t even noticed!”
“What?” Jordan looked horrified.
“Your girlfriend,” Calvin yelled, “your beautiful, talented girlfriend is anorexic! You never shut up about her, always bragging about how you got the best girl in school, how you’re just so lucky! You never shut up about her, Jordan! How did you not notice? How?” Calvin’s eyes blazed with anger. “Maddie comes for dinner at our house at least twice a week. You’re so self-absorbed; it makes me sick! How is it possible that you haven’t noticed that she doesn’t eat?” Jordan looked art Maddie and watched as her body shook with sobs and it was then that Jordan realized how small she’d gotten. Her arms and legs were so bony that they were almost bird-like, and face was thin and gaunt. Jordan felt sick.
“Take one bite, Maddie.” Calvin coaxed. Maddie looked like she was going to throw up. Calvin held up the gun. “Eat it!” Maddie held the donut up to her lips and took a bite, shuddering as the custard oozed onto her chin. She sobbed as she chewed and her face was twisted with disgust. Calvin smiled and turned away.
“I-I didn’t know…” Jordan pulled Maddie closer to him. She cried harder. “Shh…its okay,” Jordan whispered. “It’s okay. His throat tightened as he watched Calvin reach for another donut. Calvin grinned at his older brother, his lips dripping with powder and custard.
“So, Maddie,” Calvin sneered at her. “it’s pretty awkward that Jordan had to find out this way, huh?”He twirled the gun in his hands and held it up to her face. Maddie’s body shook violently and she sobbed loudly.


“Enough!” Jordan shouted. “What are you doing, Calvin? Is this what you want to be known for? Calvin Montgomery, school shooter? Tell that to your stupid Livestream! Put down the gun, Calvin! Just put it down!” Calvin inhaled sharply and walked up to the computer. He leaned so close to it that his breath fogged the screen. The rest of the room was silent.

“Known for?” Calvin laughed bitterly. “I’m not known for anything. When all of this is over, I bet the headlines are gonna say: Jordan Montgomery’s brother, what’s his name again? Oh right, Calvin! Calvin was the school shooter!” Jordan looked horrified. “See, that’s it. I’m your brother! That’s who I am! I’m not Calvin Montgomery; I’m Jordan Montgomery’s brother! And I’m not even that! No one even knows we’re related, Jordan! You never bothered to inform your little fans that you have a younger brother! That’s how insignificant I am to you! Well, guess what,” Calvin glanced at the webcam, “I exist.” He turned around slowly to face Jordan. It was as if the rest of the room had disappeared. He held the gun up and slowly walked up to Jenny. His eyes were stony and he gripped her shoulder tightly. She dissolved into gasping sobs and Chris covered his face with his hands.

“No!” Jordan shouted. “Calvin, I’m serious, put down the gun! Put it down! Let her go, let all of them go! Send them out! None of them have anything to do with this! Send them out, Cal. I’m staying in here, I’m not leaving ‘till this is all talked out. Just please, Calvin, send them out. They don’t deserve this!”

“No,” Calvin smiled calmly. “They deserve to suffer because I had to suffer! Did I deserve it? Did I?”

“Calvin, please!” Jordan shouted, his voice cracking. Something in Calvin’s face changed and he slammed his hand down on the desk.

“You have ten seconds to get out of this room or I’ll shoot you all,” Calvin growled, “now leave before I change my mind.” Jordan’s eyes widened with surprise. He didn’t think Calvin would actually listen to him. There was a quick scramble as the other four kids dashed out of the room. Maddie turned around at the doorway and faced Jordan.
“Jordan-“ She cried tearfully.
“Just go!” Jordan yelled. “I’ll meet you outside, I promise.”

The door slammed shut and then it was just the two brothers. Calvin locked the door and faced Jordan.
“You were never very good at keeping your promises,” Calvin whispered, his eyes flashing.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“This,” Calvin said, “all of this. You could’ve prevented this.”
“What?” Jordan’s voice was shaking.
“You broke your promise, Jordan. You promised that you’d show me around this place, help me make friends. You deserted me. From the second we got on the high school bus on the first day of my freshmen year, you became too good for me. I was never as smart as you; no, I never got good grades. I’m practically failing chemistry, Jordan. You knew that. You peer-tutor half of our school, why didn’t you ever offer to tutor me?”
“I-I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t care.” Calvin’s face was devoid of emotion. “You had instant popularity the moment you walked into this building on your very first day. You aced all your classes and teams and committees, and then I came in a year later and disappointed all the high expectations. It wasn’t fair. How could people compare me to you? No one could compare to you. I never stood a chance, Jordan.” The bruises on Calvin’s face from the past day’s fight were purple and crusty. His nose looked thick and swollen.
“If you tried harder-“
“If I tried? If I tried? Let me tell you something, Jordan. I’ve tried plenty. You know nothing about trying. You never had to try for anything. Everything just comes easily to you; I’ve been trying so hard for the past two years and nothing works out. Do you know how humiliating it was for me to try out for the soccer team and be rejected? I’ve tried out for so many clubs and teams and committees, and I wasn’t accepted into anything! I don’t fit in anywhere, Jordan. And it makes it so much worse that you fit in everywhere. Everyone knows your name and no one knows or even cares about my existence. After a certain point, you kind of give up the whole ‘trying to fit in’ thing. What’s the point anymore? It sucks to be Jordan Montgomery’s younger brother, I’ll tell you that. It hurts…so, so bad every time I tell people that I’m your brother and I have to watch their shocked reaction over and over again. They can’t believe that I’m your brother. Until today, I bet no one even knew you had a brother! You just didn’t find the time to share that little, unimportant detail of your life with anyone. No one knew about me. Well, now they’ll know. They’ll know who I am now.”
“No matter how terrible of a person you think I am, nothing I ever did will ever excuse you for what you did here today! You say you want people to know who you are? People will know you! They’ll know you shot people, Calvin! You! Shot! Innocent! People! Is that what you want?” Jordan shouted. Calvin looked stricken and he covered his mouth with his hand. His hands were shaking.
“I shot people, Jordan.” Calvin was white. “They’re dead. I killed people. I-I…I just… I kept shooting until I knew they were dead.” Calvin’s lips drooped downwards and he looked sick. He clutched the gun tightly to his side.
“Just put down the gun, Calvin. Please. It’ll be okay. You’ll explain, okay? Just please put it down.”
“I can’t!” Calvin yelled. “What’s done is done, Jordan! It’s all over for me.” At that moment, a loud thud came from the door and the doorknob jiggled.
“Open up! Police! Open up!” The police pounded on the door and Calvin looked petrified. He pointed the gun at Jordan.
“If you try opening that door one more time, I’ll shoot him!” Calvin screamed. “I will!” His eyes were wild and his lips were quivering as he spoke. The knocking stopped immediately.
“Would you really?” Jordan’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m your brother, Cal. Don’t-don’t do this. I love you.” Calvin was furious.
“I hate you!” Calvin screamed. “I hate you so, so much! Here we are, I’m pointing a gun at you, about to blast your face off, and you’re standing there telling me you love me! I hate you for doing this to me! This is all because of you! It’s all your fault! You stole the show, Jordan, in every aspect! I never had a chance!” Spit flew out of his mouth and landed on Jordan’s cheek. It felt like a bullet and Jordan flinched. “See what it feels like to be weak? I’m sure you’ve never felt powerless before, Mr. Senior President, Mr. Captain of the football team, Mr. Valedictorian!” Calvin started to cry. He pointed the gun at himself. “I never had a chance.” Jordan chose that moment to shove Calvin onto the floor. The two brothers wrestled on the ground. Calvin wriggled underneath his older brother and kicked him in the stomach as Jordan pinned down his arms. Calvin was panting and Jordan knocked the gun out of his brother’s hands, flinging it. The gun let out an earsplitting crack as it slammed against the wall. The two brothers stared at each other in shock.
The police immediately kicked the door open and raced in, immediately untangling Calvin’s body from Jordan’s. They handcuffed him roughly and led him out of the room. He was crying.
“But I wanted to die,” he sobbed, “I wasn’t going to kill him. I wanted him to see m-me die. I wanted to end it! I jus’ wan-wanted to kill myself. I want to die.” Calvin yanked his scrawny body out of the polices’ tight grasp and sprinted back into the room. He raced towards the gun on the floor but a policeman grabbed him before he could reach it.
“Give it to me!” Calvin screamed, hysterically, his face sweaty and red, “Give me the gun! I want the gun! I want to die! Give it to me!” The policemen shoved him out of the room and the door slammed shut. Jordan was curled on the floor like a little boy, hugging his knees to his chest as he stared straight into the webcam, tears streaming down his cheeks. He reached into his pocket and flinched when his fingers touched the silky material of Robbie Martinez’s wallet. It had been so easy for Jordan to sign into the school library as “Montgomery.” He’d known that no one would’ve dared to accuse him of stealing that stupid wallet. The bake sale fundraiser that he had organized hadn’t ended up raising $5,000 as he promised and he didn’t want to let everyone down. He hadn’t wanted to disappoint everyone. Jordan Montgomery doesn’t disappoint. His stomach clenched tightly. He’d known that Calvin was an easy target. His chest heaved as a flood of regret washed over him. The most beautiful boy in Edison High School displayed his ugliest moment to 200,000 viewers on Livestream as he sobbed big, heart-wrenching sobs. His face distorted with self-hatred and he squeezed Robbie’s wallet tightly.



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