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Don't Touch Me
It's been five years since the incident and I haven't heard my voice. I wear all black and stay quiet. My mom made me move hoping it would help, what she doesn't realize is nothing ever will. "Honey its time", she shouts up the stairs as she's getting ready for her own job. I pull on my regular black tee-shirt (two sizes to big) and jeans, wondering why I even got up this morning. When I finally do come downstairs my mom says, "I'll drive you today", she always hopes to get an answer, I always reply in silence. Once I get to school I notice a new guy staring at me, so I cower down as far as possible... Until he walks over. "Er... Hi... uh... My name's Jonathon" he says looking down at his hand. "I'm new here", he continues. He seems displeased when I don't answer back. I look into his eyes, he just doesn't understand. I stare back at him until finally he walks away. "MY GOD!" I think "WHY COULDN'T I JUST TRUST SOMEONE?!?!?", but I knew the answer...
Later that day in first period, I realized I would have every single class with this guy! Ms. Smith, my English teacher, introduced him. "Class", she started,"We have a new student, his name is Jonathan." she continued. "Hmm..." she mumbled to herself as she looked around the room. She stared at me and I shrank knowing what was coming."You can go sit next to Jaydan" she said through a smirk. I knew she hated me! "Jaydan raise your hand", she continued, I did as I was told but as glumly as possible. Next thing I know he's walking down the isle to the seat next to mine. As Ms. Smith starts teaching he starts talking."Will you say anything?", I just turn my head toward the board. "Please talk, I don't like relying on the rumors I've been told". This guy just wouldn't give up! "Ohhhkayyy" he says in a way that makes me think he's up to something. Then he turned to his notes and started writing. As I did the same, I noticed a little folded up piece of paper on the corner of my desk, it says 'To: Jaydan'. I debate in my mind whether or not to read it, reply, or both. I look over at him, his eyes are full of earnest.
'You look like a lost puppy' I write to him
'SHE SPEEKS!' he replies
'You're an idiot'
'How do you figure that?'
'You spelled speaks wrong and this isn't speaking either way.'
'Close enough for me! (: So anyways, why don't you talk?'
I mull this over in my head for a while. So tempted to tell him, yet so scared to trust anyone. I end up looking at his beautiful blue eyes.
'Bad past :(' I write. and some how its enough. As if everything that happened then and since then was by stroke of bad luck. Like i should just leave it in the past, but I can't. As I pass the note to Jonathan I watch his expression intently. At first I see him frown like he was expecting more. Then he seems to think, and realizes that even those two words were hard for me to write.
'So then... Do you wanna go to the park?' I feel a chill go down my spine. Should I trust him, CAN I trust him? I'm feeling stupid and write 'alone?'
To this he responds right away. 'Who's being stupid now? With me DUH!'
'I can't' He frowns again and writes 'Can't or Won't?'
The more I think about this the less I can decide. Isn't that the true question? It's like I can't trust anyone because of what happened but I won't talk. So which one is it really? I'm sure John is looking at me, and I'm just as sure that I look like an idiot. So I quickly write both and the bell rings. I run out as fast as possible.
Second period rolls around and again I'm stuck with him next to me but this time I write the first note.
'Why don't you just lay off?' I ask. To this he responds 'Why should I?' "WELL DUH!!" I'm thinking. I make m answer nicer though, 'Because I refuse to talk, because I don't WANT a guy, and because I'm a freak-show in tennis shoes.'
'Well', he writes 'Two out of three of those I can fix as long as you know that the third is a lie'. I didn't know what to say. I knew that he wasn't going to lay off like I wanted him to. So rather than shut my big mouth I wrote, 'If I go to the park with you will you lay off?!?' I wait for what seems like forever and finally he replies 'Yes, but only of yup want me to' he writes and I respond with 'don't get your hopes up'. Then I turned my head and focused on how to get through the day.
At the end of the day there he was standing at my locker. "You were hoping I'd forget" he said through a smirk,I elbowed him in the chest."Guess that's my answer" he said through gritted teeth,"You ready?" he asked and held out his hand. I shook my head and started walking towards my doom. When we got there I sat down on the swing next to him and brought out my sketch book. "So, can you talk?" he asks me this question just like everyone else does. Of Course I can talk, everyone can talk. I just refuse to for two reasons:
1.)I Have NO people skills and
2.)I'm afraid of what might happen if I say the wrong thing.
Figuring out I didn't want to answer such a stupid question, Jon came closer and when I cringed he backed off. "Moving on," he said as though he was trying to figure me out. "Am I supposed to get a hint from that waterfall that you're drawing?" he asked slyly. I looked down and without thinking I had drawn out Niagra Falls. He stared at the drawing intently looking for clues so I quickly ripped it out and threw it in the dirt.
"My guess it that's got something to do with 'bad past'." he mumbled under his breath. I let my hair down to cover the tears."Come on, I'll take you home" he said and for the first time, I grabbed his hand.