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The Astronomy Tower: A Dramione Fanfic
Hermione slowly climbed the stairs to the astronomy tower. Why did I ever agree to this? She thought as she reached the top steps. She saw the blond haired Slytherin looking over the railing gazing at the grounds below. "Hello Malfoy," She greeted.
“Granger,” He turned around seeming surprised. “You came.”
“What did you want?” She asked walking over to stand beside him.
“I wanted to talk about us.” He responded. They weren’t dating of course and they weren’t even friends but for months now they had been meeting up in secret, just to talk. They both considered the other the one they could count on. The one they could rely on and lean on when things weren’t good.
Hermione looked at him for a few minutes before speaking, “What do you mean?” She had a puzzled
expression on her face.
Draco sighed. Just say it, he thought. It’s like ripping off a band aid; it will only hurt for a moment. “Granger.” He sighed once again, “We have to stop... Whatever this is.”
“What do you mean?” Confusion was noticeable in her voice.
He paused momentarily looking at her, “We have to stop… Stop seeing each other.”
As hurt as she was by his words, she wasn’t going to show it. “Why do you say that?”
“Just take my word for it.” He responded not looking at her.
“No, unless you give me a good reason, things are staying the way they are now,” She stated bluntly.
He wanted to chuckle but knew he had to keep a straight face if he wanted to end this. Why must she be so stubborn? It doesn’t make any of this easier. “It’s just… Necessary that we don’t…” He paused searching for the right word. “It’s necessary that we don’t associate anymore. Please just listen to me and don’t argue.”
“Draco, you heard me; give me a good reason or things are remaining the same,” She replied not even close to giving in.
I can’t tell her. It will ruin whatever we have now; send her running back to Potter and Weasley…. “I… I just can’t, Hermione. Please just believe me, don’t question it.”
“Great so things are remaining the same,” She smiled lightly at him, looking directly into his grey eyes.
“Damn it, Granger! Why do you have to be so stubborn! Just believe me, this just won’t work under the current circumstances.” He walked away from the railing and went to sit down on the ground near the center of the tower.
“Just tell me, Draco. What could be so bad?” She said, there wasn’t a trace of emotion in her voice.
He paused for a few moments, looking up at the stars, deep in thought. Slowly he began, “I have….” He sighed. “I’m taking on the dark mark, Granger.”
“What?” She stood there shocked for a few moments. “What do you mean?
Just last week you said you’d never become a Death Eater! Why the sudden change?” She walked over to him and sat across from him.
Why did I tell her? “I have no choice. I have to do it.” He stated flatly.
“But you’re not even of age yet!” She exclaimed.
“How many times do you think my Mother tried to tell my Father that? This is a great honor for all of us, Narcissa. We could be brought back to the place we once were.” Draco mimicked his Father with disgust.
"Let me help you! We can figure out a way out of this," She pleaded with him, her eyes beginning to water.
He swallowed, his voice starting to strain, "There's nothing to be done. There's no way out.. It's either I take the mark or... give up my family to the Dark Lord's whims. I can't do that, Granger. I just.. Can't give them up. They'll be killed."
“What about the Order? They could hide you and your family, You would be safe! There's ways to get out of this without risking your life or your family’s. Please, think about it." A single tear fell down her cheek.
Draco yearned to reach out and wipe the tear away. Instead though, he kept his hands crossed not moving them. When did I start to feel this way? He wondered, already knowing the answer. His feelings for the bushy haired Gryffindor had grown tremendously since their meetings began. But, Draco refused to acknowledge them; fearing he would get hurt or hurt her in the process. “Didn’t you hear me? There’s no way out, Granger. He would kill my family and me before we could be moved to safety.”
"I'm so sorry, Draco!" She reached out and grabbed his hand.
He flinched by the sudden movement but made no effort to remove his hand. It was a cool night and her hand was pleasantly warm against his. “There’s no reason to be sorry. Why are you sorry?” He asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.
"I wish there was something I could do to help you, to protect you." Tears fell from her eyes freely now, she didn't bother trying to conceal them.
This time, he didn’t resist the urge to wipe her tears away as his free hand reached up and touched her face. “Crying is very unbecoming of you Granger,” He smiled at her lightly.
She looked up at him with a weak smile, "I know, I really shouldn't be acting like this, it must be terribly annoying."
“You’re always annoying.” He laughed at her, looking into her warm brown eyes.
"I'm not going to stop seeing you," She informed him.
His smile vanished, it was replaced with a frown. “Granger, have you been listening to anything that has been said? I’m becoming a Death Eater for Merlin’s sake! It isn’t safe for either of us to keep this up.”
"No one's found out yet, why would it be any different? Draco, you need me, especially now."
Though he hated to admit it, Draco knew she was right. There was no one else he could turn to. “I’ll be extremely involved with the Dark Lord, there won’t be much time to…” To do what? He thought. There certainly wasn’t a name for whatever these meetings between the two were. “We can’t risk it, Granger.”
"I honestly don't give a damn if you don't want to risk it, because we are. You need me and I need you, it's plain and simple," She said bluntly.
Draco scoffed, “You’ll be fine, you have bloody Potter and Weasley, you don’t need me.”
She sighed, "What's it going to take for you to see that we need each other? Especially now, with the war...."
He cocked his head back to her, "You know, I never understood this.. Need we've had for each other to be quite frank with you." He sighed, "Probably never will."
She laughed, "Quite frankly, neither do I. But do we need to understand it to see that it's something we shouldn't give up?" She grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly.
He squeezed his eyes shut for a second and looked at her, the moonlight gave her a pretty glow he thought casually. He really didn't know what to say to the stubborn Gryffindor.
"Please Draco? Just give this whole thing a chance. If we think anyone might have the slightest hunch about us, then we can stop seeing each other immediately," She looked into his grey eyes pleading.
It was hard to say no to the damn brunette. The bushy haired, brash, selfless brunette that he'd grown to care for without even realizing it himself. But he knew he had to. For both their sakes. Maybe if he persisted, she'd cave in, eventually... He hoped. He swallowed, "Granger, no. And I mean it," He tried to conceal his emotions but he knew that a sliver of sorrow and bitterness was showing in his face, in his stiff shoulders, in his shadowed eyes.
"No you don't," She said simply staring intently into his eyes. She wasn't going to let him win. She knew that she was right; Draco had no one who could be there and understand him the way she did.
Their relationship was something special and she wasn't about to let him ruin it with his worrying.
"I'm not saying these things because I want to. Don't you understand?" He tried to keep his voice stern, his mind clear of any emotions that would interfere with his intended goal for tonight. Though, that proved hard with her warm touch against his cool skin.
"Draco, you aren't going to win this argument. I don't care that you're going to become a Death Eater! I still want... whatever this is to continue," She said emotion noticeable in her voice
"Damn it Granger!" frustration evident in his voice, he tried to rein it back in, producing a more steadied but strained speech, "Look I... I care about you. Your wellbeing, alright? You're the closest perso- friend, I have in this damned castle. And I would very much like it if we could continue our... Amity, even after the war. I wouldn't be proud to find out that I caused your demise due to our little rendezvous."
Tears flowed freely from her eyes as his words hit her. "I care about you too! That's why we can't end this. In times like this, we need to stand together, not apart. Draco, just let me win this battle!" She demanded. "I refuse to let this go and as much as you don't want to admit it, you feel the same way."
He looked into her warm brown eyes. Why does she have to make it like this? He knew they couldn’t keep this up, even though all he wanted was to remain like this forever. He remembered hearing the term ‘soul mates’ once. He looked at Hermione and smiled, but then brushed away the notion as quickly as it has crossed his mind. There was no way they could be soul mates, the term was ridiculous. “Granger,” he sighed. “You’re making this harder than it needs to be.” He squeezed her hand lightly.
"Don't make it hard," She pleaded. "It doesn't have to be like this, forget your silly ideas about ending this whole thing." Hermione cared so much for the boy and she didn't want to lose him. Her
feelings had grown stronger every moment they spent together. She wasn't about to announce this to Draco, though. He would be off and running before the sentence was finished.
He leaned his head back against the wall, looking out into the sky. He gave a deep sigh as he reluctantly pulled his hand out from Hermione's and shoved it into his robe pockets. Looking at her face, he gave her a broken grin. "You'll be fine, Granger. We'll see each other in classes, hallways, the Great Hall for meals. We'll still hurl insults and jibes at each other. Nothing will change," he said, trying to convince her as well as himself. If she wanted to be stubborn, two could very damn well play at that game.
"As much as I enjoy that you know what I mean," She replied. "I don't want to give up these meetings; where it's just you and I and it feels like we have all the time in the world. Where we don't have to worry about anything." She sighed heavily, "Wouldn't you miss that too?"
He wasn't sure if he should just start lying to her to finally just cut the ties, at least for the duration of the war. But he knew he wouldn't be happy with hurting her feelings like that, he had even given up calling her, and other muggleborns for that matter, 'mudblood' since a while ago. Unless of course it was in front of Him and others who knew of his future plans in the upcoming war; he couldn't risk suspicion. He opted for the reluctant truth instead, "I suppose I would."
"You suppose? I know full well that's a bloody lie. Please just be honest, if we ever did just discontinue our relationship, what would be the thing you would miss most?" She asked with a light curious tone.
He rolled his eyes, "I guess I could indulge you with an answer, although I'm not answering as if the question was hypothetical," he remarked with a stern face. He looked off to the side, not making eye contact, "I know I'd miss the peace" he mused.
"But it is a hypothetical," she insisted with a slight smile. "What else would you miss?" Off the top of her head, Hermione could name dozens of things she would miss; and she was sure that Malfoy felt the same.
He gave her a side look of slight consternation and looked away again with a sigh, flipping through his memories with her and the sort of pleasantness that came with it, "Your incessant talking I guess..." He said with a smirk.
"Really?" She smiled. "Now what would you do if one day I came and told you that we had to stop seeing each other? Would you drop it and just walk away or would you fight to convince me that it was unnecessary to just give this up?" She asked this with a slight hope that he could better understand where she was coming from.
He frowned but with humor in his voice he said, "Don't get your hopes up just because I said that I'd miss your 'incessant talking'. That doesn't mean I still don't find it annoying. And what I would do, is hear a logical, rational explanation as to why you would try to convince me to stop our little meet ups. I would try to see your reasoning behind it and judge on my own whether your reasons were sound. Really, Granger, I thought you were the one whose brain processed that way. Logic, I thought was your forte’. “
"It is," She agreed. "I was hoping you would say something along those lines. Now you know where I'm coming from. You have yet to convince me this is all dangerous and not to mention you have no sound reasons. Just admit it, you don't want these to end." She took his hand again holding it lightly in her own smiling up at his face.
A corner of his lips turned up slightly as he felt her on his skin again. He glanced down at the touch, "You're really developing an unhealthy obsession with my hand tonight. I don't know if I quite appreciate the attention, yet," he said with a raised eyebrow, playfully, avoiding her words.
"Don't try and ignore what I just said, Draco. Just be honest with me and tell me you really don't want these to end," She smiled down at their hands.
He pursed his lips, pausing before he spoke. He had to just cut it off. Do it in one quick move, he thought to himself. Perhaps it'll hurt less... "Granger..." he said with a stoic face, his free hand running through his hair.
"Just say it out loud," she smiled. "I won't even remind you that you ever said it. I want to hear you say it out loud though, that you'd miss this."
He scrubbed his face with his hand, exasperated. I would miss this dearly he wanted to say. "No. I can't say it," he gave a weak smile. That, he hoped, was good enough for her. Probably not though, knowing the stubborn witch.
"Sure you can," She encouraged.
"Please?" Begging wasn't usually something she did but she had to know how he felt.
He almost laughed at that. Sure, Granger ask, but beg? It was almost too humorous to pass up. He couldn't help himself, "I think I like seeing you beg, Granger," he said. "Maybe if you keep imploring I might say it," a small but wicked smile crossed his face. This was what he liked about her, she knew... Well not that she knows, but she would be able to bring him back to his... better mood, somewhat. Though he wouldn't tell her that.
"Really, Malfoy?" She smiled. "Why can't you just tell me? It would make me happy if you just told me!" She pouted.
He gave her a withering look, "Are you really pouting right now? Pouting?" He raised his eyebrows at her.
She nodded. "If it bothers you, just tell me and it will stop," She laughed. "Will you please tell me before I humiliate myself any further?"
"No," he smirked, "I think I like this quite a bit."
"Really? Out of all the things, you have to enjoy me being a pathetic beggar?" She smiled and moved closer to him. "Just tell me! I only want to know the answer to one very simple question, Malfoy."
"It's one of the few things I've always enjoyed, you should know: causing you embarrassment," he said, his lips quirking up at the corners as he turned to her.
"I have mentioned before that you a complete arse, right?" She grinned at him
"Only the finest arse," he ruefully grinned back with a raise of an elegant eyebrow.
She is now sitting right beside him, whispering in his ear, "What's it going to take for you to tell me?"
He tilts his head a bit so that it taps hers and moves back, "Tell you what?" he asks while looking straight ahead. "I don't remember what we're talking about anymore. I think the conversation got lost among the plethora or words that have been spewing out of your mouth." He stays leaned back along the wall, arms crossed while looking into the night.
"You were about to admit that you would sincerely miss these little meet ups we have," Hermione smiled devilishly at him.
He rolled his eyes, "Great. That's exactly what I was going to say. Thank you for reminding me."
"You're welcome. So are you going to say it?"
"Incessant witch," he muttered while looking away.
"Please Draco?" She walked over to him and looked directly into his eyes, not about to lose contact with him.
"Yes, yes," he muttered out harshly, "I will miss these damn meetings when we stop."
"When? We're not stopping them. I thought we had already agreed on that." She smiled innocently up at him
He gave her a smirk, she really was stubborn. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "You're really troublesome, you know that, Granger?"
"I'm hurt that you could say that," She mocked being upset. "We still aren't ending this."
"I'm sure that pained that big heart of yours," he drawled. He didn't comment on the other part of what she said though. He chose to ignore it.
"Please stop ignoring it and admit you don't want this to end either. You want to be able to confide in me, know that I'm always here to reassure you, that I will always be here for you..." She listed.
He turned to her and gave her a stoic look, "I know, Granger. I know. And I'd do the same for you. But this is beyond that. This is beyond just... being there for each other. You and I and other can get hurt."
"I didn't realize you planned to tell You-Know-Who about our meetings," She replied not close to giving in. "As long as no one knows, then no one can get hurt."
"Just because I don't tell anyone doesn't mean that people won't or can't notice things. Like that time you just kept looking at me during dinner. Remember? You were trying to tell me to meet you in the damn library. It was obvious that Ron and Harry, and others, noticed," he flatly responded.
She blushed lightly thinking about that slip up. "We'll just have to careful then, owl each other, pass notes maybe..."
He gave her an incredulous look. "That wouldn't be very efficient, now would it?"
"It could work!" She defended her idea.
He let out a chuckle, "I think we'd need a better idea than that."
"Well, do you have any brilliant ideas? At least I'm trying to find a solution." She replied slightly frustrated.
“My solution is that we just stop, as I've said for the millionth time, Granger. It's the safest thing to do for the both of us. And the most rational thing."
"Honestly Draco that is the most ridiculous solution I have ever heard of! Just accept the fact that we are going to find a way to make this work."
He looked at her, "Why do you keep calling me Draco, by the way? When did that happen?"
"Would you prefer me to call you Malfoy?" She asked ignoring the question.
He shrugged, "I'm just wondering when and why the change came about."
"I hadn't even noticed," She replied smiling slightly. "But I like the way it sounds."
He looked thoughtful, "Yeah, I suppose... It's different. I’m not quite used to it. But I guess I won't charge you for saying my wonderful name."
"Wonderful?" She laughed. "Why must you be so cocky?"
"You disagree? Please, not just anyone can call me by my first name, Granger."
"I feel so special," She smiled walking closer to him.
"Don't misunderstand, it's only for tonight," he smirked.
"What else is for only tonight?" She took his hand once more in her own and tilted her head slightly smiling.
He gave her a funny look, "I… Don't quite know," he uttered. "Is there something that I'm unaware of?"
"Well, you do seem to be slightly confused by the fact that we are still meeting up, but besides that, I don't believe so." She let out a small laugh.
He grumbled to himself, "There is nothing to be confused about on that topic."
"Why must you insist on making things so difficult?" Hermione sighed looking at him.
"No, if it's anyone, it is you who is being extremely difficult," he huffed.
"I'm just trying to make you see how unnecessary what you’re trying to do is!" She exclaimed.
"And I'm just trying to show you how necessary it is for the both of us. I'm not trying to be selfish, Granger," he harshly said back.
"Do you know how upset I would be if we stopped this...?” She paused for a few moments, "And then one day I found out that you've been killed? At least with these, I can still see you and know you’re safe."
He flinched when she mentioned 'killed'. "Some faith you have in me..." he muttered. Although, he had begun to think that his chances of surviving, were getting slimmer.
"It is just a worst case scenario, but you can't tell me that the thought hasn't crossed your mind," She looked at him sadly. "You'll be working for the Dark Lord for Merlin's sake!"
"I know! I have thought of that already." He sighed, "Many times."
It was silent for a few minutes before Hermione spoke again. "I'm sorry, Draco... I shouldn't have mentioned that."
"No, it's fine. It's the truth. Nothing to be sorry about."
"I can't believe this is actually happening though. Do you think it'll hurt when you know... He..." She gestured to his arm tracing a dark mark on it.
He flinched his arm a little away from her gentle fingers, "I- I don't know. Probably," he said shortly.
"I am so sorry, that this has to happen to you!" Her eyes watered slightly and after spending the night using self-control she couldn't take it anymore, she grabbed Draco and wrapped him in a huge hug.
He froze once he realized what was happening, but he didn't push away the sobbing girl. He just let her be. "It's- it’s okay, Granger. It'll be fine..." he mumbled against her hair. In all honestly, he wasn't sure if it would, but he said it anyway, for him and for her. He took an arm and draped it across her back, holding her gently.
"Please Draco, please can we continue meeting? I know I am so selfish for asking this, but can we?" She mumbled her face pressed up against his shoulder.
He sighed against her head, her big damn big bushy head that's he's admittedly grown fond of. He didn't respond; he didn't want to.
"Please?" She asked once more, lifting her head to wipe the tears from her eyes.
He looked down at her, his face glum, lips pursed in a line. He didn't want to give in. That's not what he came here for. But he felt himself caving in. He could feel the pit in his stomach, telling him that he shouldn't say what he was about to say.
Hermione didn't want to move, the close proximity between the two, gave her butterflies in her stomach. She never wanted to leave. "Please, Draco?" She repeated.
He leaned his head down against her shoulder; tired. "Granger..." he muttered, "You're going to be the death of me, I swear," he chuckled lightly against her.
"So is that a yes? That we don't have to end this?" She looked up at him; her eyes glimmered with slight hope.
He lifted his head off her shoulder, looking into her eyes. How could he say no to that face? Ugh, he thought bitterly, when did I get so soft? The knot in his stomach warned him again. 'Don't do it' it said. His brows furrowed and looked down at the ground. He lightly pushed her away as he took a couple steps back.
Hermione frowned slightly as he pulled away. "Draco..." She said quietly. "Please don't end this."
He took a couple more steps back, not looking at her. He didn't want to see her face. "You know it's better this way," his throat felt slightly tighter than before. He gulped.
Tears freely cascaded down her face. "It's my one selfish wish; I don't want this to end." She pleaded with him. "I want to be able to see you, to know your safe..."
"No matter what I say or do to you after tonight, don't take it to heart, Granger." He finally looked up, "Don't worry you silly witch. I'll make sure to pass you your silly notes or whatnot here and there to let you know I'm alright," he gave a half-hearted smile, a smile which soon faded since he couldn't keep it up.
"I don't want the bloody notes! I want you." She exclaimed.
He turned to leave, calling behind his back, "You can't always have what you want, Granger," his voice harsh. He wasn't sure if he was saying that to her, or to himself. His throat definitely felt tighter than before. He slowly walked away, leaving behind the one person he truly cared for. He knew that if he stayed, he wouldn't forgive himself if anything happened to her because of his stupid actions.
"Draco, please don't leave!" She called after him even though she knew it was useless. She collapsed to the cold ground freely sobbing now.
He almost stopped, but he kept walking. He wanted to turn back, tell her everything will be alright. That he'll be there. But he knew he couldn't. He's already gotten too far, he couldn't turn back now. He gritted his teeth as he started choking up, stiffly keeping his eyes ahead of him, walking towards his room. Malfoy’s do not cry over stupid things like this, he thought himself as he walked. I will not be weak.
The two had parted ways; there friendship over. Hermione now knew there would never be even the slightest chance of there being something more between them. They had chosen their own paths and neither was on the same as the other.