Today had been Easter, but I felt no joy in the fact. Egg painting, egg hunts, Easter baskets, gifts, candy; We’d had none of it. It felt like a normal Sunday, besides the fact that my youngest sister was baptized and most of our family had been at our house for seven hours. Easter was about the resurrection and all that, but I never got super invested in the religious aspects of anything. Holidays never felt like holidays to me anymore. They were just normal days, with activities that most people would say were festive and fun. And, sure, they were fun, but they never felt as festive and happy as they did when I was younger.

I shut the front door as quietly as I could. If my sisters or grandmother heard me, I’d be scolded for being outside this late in the night. I took out my phone and plugged my headphones in, turning on a random music playlist. I walked over to the part of our driveway that ran along the side of the house. The big red Explorer was parked all the way up behind the new mini-van and dad’s car was in the parking lot of his workplace. All the family that had been over to celebrate the baptism of my youngest sister had left and all was quiet in our small neighborhood.

The next thing I did was dangerous...I let my thoughts run wild and swirl around in my empty head with no restraints. While they ran free, I laid back, closed my eyes, and let the weariness in my bones crash over me in one large wave. My phone rang with texts from my friends, but I ignored them for the first time in forever. I watched the sky grow darker with each passing moment, storm clouds rolling on ominously. Thunder boomed quietly in the distance accompanied by light rain showers that came and went every few moments. However, I remained unscathed by these light showers. I let the music play on, the notes and words falling on my ears half-listened to. I heard cars from Main Street rumble on beneath the playing songs. No insects or birds could be seen or heard, except for a few moths hitting my bedroom window, yearning for the light on the other side.

I lay there in that driveway for a long time. Street lights being the only source of light while the clouds hid the usual twinkling night sky. My favorite place was right where I lay. This driveway that ran alongside my house. A dark sky, sounds of a busy town muffled or drowned out by music. No one was around to tell me what to do. No one could judge me where I was. I could just be free and alone. My favorite place was this side drive.