They Never Leave | Teen Ink

They Never Leave

July 9, 2011
By Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."


Rays of sunshine lightly kissed the light green grass covering the rolling hills. Birds flew overhead, singing songs to greet the new morning. Leaves whistled as wind breezed easily through them, singing their own little songs in tune with the birds. A river bubbled past, moving in rhythm to the music being created around it.
The air felt damp, having it just rained the night before. Dew drops melted into the ground, after sliding down the curve of each bland of grass. Clouds sprinted across the sky, still dark from the dank night before.
Sammy plodded up the path she had taken so many times before, but unlike all those other times; her grandfather was not there with her. She had loved taking the slow journey through the gorgeous trees, listening to his stories from past times…
She stopped as hot tears crowed in her eyes. Wiping her hand across her face, she noticed a small cloud of smoke rising in the distance, close to the old tree stump she and her grandfather had stopped to take a rest. Leaves blew around Sammy as she sprinted to see what was causing the rising smoke.
Coming up to a large clearing in the cluster of trees, she saw a battered old tent that was poorly patched with different colored scraps of old cloth. An old man with long, wiry white hair and a short, patchy beard slowly tried hoisting himself to his feet. Running over, Sammy helped him up and gave him the large stick he used as a cane.
Helping him wobble over to a bulky rock, he gently lent against it, letting the “cane” fall to his side. He wheezed, each breathe a battle for him. She watched him, a sadness aching in her heart. Seeing him, she imagined her own grandfather, lying in his bed dying.
“Why are you doing this?” Sammy exclaimed, her voice a shrill. She watched as he struggled to breathe again, and every bone in her body went limp. She thought of her grandfather, his breathe whistling as he inhaled, winded as he exhaled. It was awful to remember, the light in his eyes slipping farther and farther away.
“My heart tells me were to go,” he puffed, leaning against the rock heavily, “I do what I want, when I want.” She stared dumbfounded; she was amazed at what spunk came out of the old, seemingly lifeless man.
“But why,” she cried, tears overflowing from her ice blue eyes, “can’t you see your killing yourself!? You are in no condition to be doing this!” Looking into her eyes, the man just told his whole story from that one glance. Knowing he knew what he was doing, Sammy burst into fiery sobs.
He turned away, plodding up the path, silent. Sammy watched in silence as he disappeared into the forest, leaving everything behind. Sighing, she slumped against the rock that had just supported the old man.
She saw the same fire in his heart, glint in his eye, and soul to live that she had seen every day with her grandfather. They were alike in almost every way, the similarities endless. Maybe that was why she had reacted the way she did, she didn’t want to see that awful fate happen twice.
Going over to the poor campsite, she began sorting through his things since she knew he wouldn’t need them anymore after this afternoon. Picking up backpacks packed full of cloths, a note fluttered out of the open flap. Picking it up, she read :
I love you, and never forget it. I will always be with you, in heart, and mind.
Love, Grandpa Jay
Staring down at the note in disbelief, she knew one thing was for certain. Her grandpa had written this note to her, but how, and when, she did know.
Smiling from behind a tall, beaten tree, Grandpa Jay made his way back down the path, a light song playing in his heart. He knew that Sammy could rest easy now, and stay forever peaceful with his absence on earth, and be able to look forward to seeing him again.



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This article has 19 comments.


on Oct. 9 2011 at 1:37 pm
rage_against_the_machine BRONZE, St. Augustine, Florida
4 articles 7 photos 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
Difficult takes a day. Impossible takes.. oh, about a week?

I do the EXACT same thing, haha.

on Oct. 8 2011 at 9:54 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thank you!!

And yes, for some reason when I edit myself I miss silly things.. I think it's because I know what it's SUPPOSED to say, so that's what I read(:

on Sep. 5 2011 at 11:35 am
rage_against_the_machine BRONZE, St. Augustine, Florida
4 articles 7 photos 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
Difficult takes a day. Impossible takes.. oh, about a week?

That's a cool story, very interesting. Somewhat hurried in parts, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

The only problems at all are minor grammatical flaws; saying your over you're (a pet peeve of mine), writing bland instead of blade, etc.


on Aug. 16 2011 at 9:34 am
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thank you! Yes, same, I lost my grandmother. It's kind of playing off of that

on Aug. 13 2011 at 9:45 pm
musicispassion PLATINUM, Perris, California
35 articles 0 photos 735 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Life is never easy for those who dream."
There are so many other quotes i need pages to write them

great story i've lost someone before and it's not easy i really like ur descriptions in the beginning

on Aug. 2 2011 at 3:23 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thank you! That was very good advice.. I appreciate it a lot(:

on Jul. 31 2011 at 1:47 pm
born2bewriting BRONZE, Webster, New York
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The sky's the limit!"

okay 2nd place winner! :) i read through the comments and they've pretty much hit the nail on the head. i would say, reword the diologue, and you have a couple spelling errors (i'm pretty sure you meant "blade" not "bland") and don't worry so much about cliches. some of the best writers use them all the time, like every book that deals with good v.s. evil and good wins. i would start out with an introduction of the characters, and reveal more about the scenery descriptions throughout the story. and i'd add some descriptive paragraphs about the characters, which can bring life to the story. okay, im on to the next story!

on Jul. 30 2011 at 11:30 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thankk you! I always try to think outside the box... But those silly cliches are always there somewhere >.<

on Jul. 30 2011 at 7:28 pm
DaylightDarkness SILVER, Littleton, Colorado
9 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone's crazy. You know why? We all want to be normal. Well, we cant define normal, and, the people you can point at and say, well isn't he/she normal are rare. Doesnt that kind of defeat the pupose of normal? -My Friend

In argument with Carrie, and I tend to agree with her, some cliche's are wonderful things. Yes, this is cliche, no, i dont think that that in necessarily bad. I liked it- it was odd, but i liked it.

on Jul. 26 2011 at 12:52 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thankk you! :D

on Jul. 23 2011 at 10:25 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Other than that, I did like your story.  You have an interesting writing style.

on Jul. 23 2011 at 10:02 am
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thanks for the advice.

 


on Jul. 22 2011 at 7:13 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

A little bit of criticism:

1.  Your dialogue is a bit stiff.  Try reading it aloud and asking yourself if real people speak that way.

2.  "Can't you see your killing yourself!?"  "your" should be "you're" and the exclamation point and question mark look unprofessional.

3.  Watch out for cliches.  The ending is pretty cliche. 


on Jul. 16 2011 at 1:05 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Ha ha ha, yes. I try to stay away from cliche, but hey, sometimes it just happens(: Thanks!

Megan.J.B said...
on Jul. 16 2011 at 9:19 am
Megan.J.B, Sault Ste Marie, Other
0 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Here's the real truth. There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders. You, me? We're exceptional."
- Green Goblin. :)

Very, very touching concept. The only thing  I would say to look out for is being cliche. There's no doubt in my mind that you are a good writer, but I definetlely prefer stories with tons of originality. But you are definetly a great writer. Keep it up!

on Jul. 15 2011 at 8:19 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thank you for pointing that out, I am the queen of type-o's and failed proofreading(: 

Thank you for noticing the description! That's one of the things I like most about my own writing, I love those little things that give you an extra image of the story(:


on Jul. 15 2011 at 7:52 pm
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

I'm going to start with a few things I noticed first. This sentence was a little bit weird for me: "The air felt damp, having it just rained the night before." Maybe it's just me, but I think it can be reworded. And there was a mistake in the dialogue: "My heart tells me were to go". I think you missed the "h". Now to the good points in the story: you have a nice way of describing things that really paint a picture in the reader's head, so that's a strong point. Also, I kind of disagree with booklover04 about the old man--he did kind of play a significant part in telling Sammy that he was going to follow his heart instead of being limited by his frial body--that's what I got from it, anyway, and I like the idea. You wrote it out really well :)

on Jul. 15 2011 at 7:39 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thank you! And it is kind of a piece to make you think and you can have your own interpretations of what the "look-alike" is. It's free for you to decide if he was a help or not, a ghost of her dead grandpa, or his spirit brought back to try and ease her pain with the letter.
Thanks for the correction!

firenrain GOLD said...
on Jul. 15 2011 at 7:30 pm
firenrain GOLD, Belle Mead, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A room without books is like a body without a soul."

- Cicero

Roman author, orator, & politician (106 BC - 43 BC)

hey just read your story and it was a really neat concept. I liked the idea of Sammy meeting someone who reminded her of her old grandpa. But, I think this look-alike character served no purpose in the story but re-opening a very recent wound of Sammy's. I don't really understand his signifigance. I also found a couple of grammar and spelling mistakes, for example, "his breathe whistling as he". The "breathe" should be "breath". However, nice imagery and descriptions.

A solid 4/5 :)