We look so alike. It’s almost like we’re the same person. But, we can’t be the same person. That isn’t possible, is it? I never had a twin. And a clone? Simply ridiculous. Then why do we have the same lips, the same eyes, the same face? Are you me? Am I even myself?
Deep breaths.
I remember driving somewhere. Maybe to the store? Or to school? No…no…I was driving to his house. Why can’t I remember his name? Why can’t I remember our name? Wait, why are your eyes closing? Why are you turning pale? I try to reach out to your face, but I can’t see my hand.
What is happening?
I was in the car going to his house, and there was a little girl and her mother crossing the street. I remember, because she reminded me of us. Then I swerved and almost hit a tree. I was so scared that I forgot I was in a car in the middle of the road. I unbuckled my seatbelt… and then…and then…
Why can’t I remember anything?
Wait, I hear a siren. An ambulance? Why would we need an ambulance? You look fine. We look fine. I remember! My seatbelt was off and I was just about to get out of my car when I heard a really loud crunching noise. Then I was flying. I went through the windshield and just kept going and going. Then, I ended up here. Hovering over you, with this annoying siren blasting in my ear. Who’s that? A paramedic? Wait, why is he checking your pulse? Why is pressing on your chest? What’s going on!
That’s him! That’s the guy! I was going to his house! Why is he here? Why is there tears dripping down his face? Now everything is fading. My vision is being replaced by a blinding light. Why is it so bright? I feel pressure on my chest. Then it goes away and comes back. I can feel my eyes opening. And that stupid siren is louder than ever. Him. He’s standing over me.
He’s still crying.
“Don’t cry; I’m right here,” I try to say, but all that comes out is stale breath. “Please, don’t cry.” I start coughing and coughing. I hear the paramedic yell something, and I’m being lifted onto a stretcher. He follows us onto the ambulance and holds my hand. It feels so familiar and it kills me that I can’t remember his name.
“It’s going to be okay, Emmy,” he whispers. Emmy? Is that my name? I try to smile, and that makes him smile. I wish I could remember who he is. I feel a little flutter in the bottom of my stomach and I almost think it feels like love. But that’s crazy. I don’t even know this boy. I try to speak again, but I end up coughing. Then something wet is coming out of my mouth. Blood. My head starts hurting and I can see my vision getting fuzzy.
I don’t want to go. I want to stay here with him and let him hold my hand. But tears are leaking from his eyes again and I can’t stand seeing him cry. I want to see his smile again because it reminded me of home; wherever that is.
He leans down and whispers right into my ear, “I love you.” I try to make my mouth form those same words and I almost think it does because he flashes that beautiful smile again. When the darkness comes, I welcome it because the last thing I saw was his smile.
And dying with that image in my head wasn’t so bad.