The Day Before I Die | Teen Ink

The Day Before I Die

May 12, 2009
By Mailee Yang BRONZE, Two Rivers, Wisconsin
Mailee Yang BRONZE, Two Rivers, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

You may think this story is just another fairy tale where everyone lives happily ever after. Well your wrong, this story is nothing like that. I’ll tell you a little bit about myself, I’m the type of person that can’t stand people thinking I’m a big snob. Just because my parents are rich and I can get anything I want. I run my whole school, people look up to me, and they want to be like me. I don’t mind if they want to be like me, but it gets so annoying afterwards. Let’s just say my two best friends and I are the nicest people in the whole school, but then you meet Ashley Whaz and Lily Scott. You don’t want to meet them or be their friends. They’ve been trying to take over the school for three years now, and no they were never close to taking over the school. You maybe wondering who I am, I’m Rosa Alan and I’m going to tell you about the day before I die.

It’s just another day at my house; all I can pay attention to are the sounds of the maids and chef running around, and the smell of bacon and eggs. Belle, the house keeper came into my room to wake me up. Just like every day my parents aren’t home. They always have an important meeting to go to. I got out of bed and walked into the dinning room. Chef Will greeted me with my breakfast, eggs and bacon with orange juice on the side. I thanked him with a smile on my face. I was eating quietly when I heard this bizarre noise from the basement.

“What was that?” I asked with fear in my eyes.

“What was what?” answered Belle.

“You didn’t hear that?” I asked.

“No. I think your just hearing things.” said Belle.
I just dropped the subject and kept eating my breakfast. I can already hear Mary skipping into my house with an eager face.

“Rosa! Did you hear that 3 new guys are coming to are school today!” shouted Mary, my best friend in the whole wide world.

“OMG! I heard they were suppose to be hot too!” screamed Abby, my second best friend and is like a big sister to Mary and I.
I just look at them while they were screaming and shook my head. I got up and went back upstairs to get ready for school. When I came out of the bathroom, I went to my huge closet and picked out some clothes. I always have to wear converse. They’re my favorite kind of shoes. I have brown hair, brown eyes, and my skin tone is tan.

When I pulled into school all I can hear were the girls high-pitched screaming. I walked over to where all the girls were screaming. I peeked over them and saw three guys that looked like rock stars. One had curly hair, a nice smile, and was probably the youngest one. The second one had straight hair and looks like he doesn’t want to be here. The third one was probably the oldest one. He had curly hair and seems pretty nice. They all had a nice body, they’re fit, and they look strong. I decide to help them out and away from the screaming girls.

“Hey girls look! It’s Zac Efron!” I yelled.
Of course every girl screamed and ran like idiots looking for Zac Efron.

“Ewww move Rosa! Zac is mine.” said Ashley.
I turned around to see them looking at me.

“Um… You’re welcome?” I said with a anxious smile.

“Thanks. I’m Nick, this is Joe, and that’s Kevin. We’re brothers.” said Nick.
He seems pretty nice. Unlike the other one name Joe he just looked at me like I was dumb or stupid. He also gave me a death stare.

“I’m sorry about Joe. He didn’t want to move here, but look on the bright side you have two brothers who loves you already!” said Kevin with a big grin on his face.
I chuckle and thanked him.

By the end of the day I was already close to Kevin and Nick. Joe on the other hand, is still not my friend. It also seems as if he hates me. Mary and Abby can’t wait to meet them. They’re coming over tonight. Nick seems like a nice guy, Mary would like him. He has the same taste as Mary. He likes converse, is romantic, and dress nice. Abby would totally fall for Kevin. Kevin is really thoughtful; he treats me as if I was his sister. When I got home, I swear I saw something in the window. It was a black figure, but it moved to fast for me to even see what it was. All I could think about for the rest of the day was if this house was haunted or if there is someone in my basement wanting to kill me. There was this part of me that wanted to go down there to see if there was anything down there. I walked to my living room when I heard someone calling my name.

“Rosaaa!! Rosaa!!” whispered someone.

“Who’s there??” I said with a frighten voice.

“I’ll get you for what you did!” yelled someone.

“Why? What did I do?” I yelled, but the voice was already gone.
I was scare; all I could think about was that voice. I was walking back and forth when I heard a loud BOOM. I screamed, I gradually walked to the front door and swung it open. My heart stopped beating for a second just to realize it was Mary, Abby, Kevin, Nick, and Joe standing right in front of me.

“Rosa, are you okay?” Mary asked.
I could tell Mary and Abby were worry about me.

“Yea I’m fine.” I said and walked back inside.
They all walked in right behind me. When we walked into the living room the brother’s mouth dropped open.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked.

“This place is huge.” Nick answered.

“Thanks, I get that a lot.” I said.

“Isn’t your parents home?” Joe asked.

“Wow he speaks, and no they’re never home.” I answered back.

Why does it feel so awkward now? Joe and I are finally getting along. I’m scare to say this, but I think I’m in love with a stranger. Before long we all heard something from the basement.

“What was that?” asked Joe.

“I don’t know. I’ve been hearing that noise all day.” I said.

“Let’s go check it out.” said Joe.
We all followed him to the basement door. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. He opened the door and we walked right down the stairs. There is something about these stairs that keeps coming to my mind. Just when I’ve reached the bottom I notice something, something about this staircase. I’ve been down here before, but when? Oh no! It’s coming back.

“Rosa help me!” yelled Lily.
I stood there watching them take away my older sister. They took her downstairs, all I could hear were her screaming for help. They force me to watch her get beat. I thought I lost her forever. Just to see her lifeless body on the ground and me not doing anything to help, hunts me. The worst part was that they were my parents. They killed their own daughter right in front of me. I can’t believe I forgot about that day. Today would be the day she got killed.

“Rosa is there something wrong?” asked Joe.

“They killed her! They killed her down here!” I shouted with tears streaming down my face.

“Who killed who?” asked Abby.


“I thought she ran away?” said Mary.

“No she didn’t. My parents killed her.” I said as my voice was cracking.
Just then something came out of a dark corner. I looked and my heart dropped. It couldn’t have been. She was dead. I was pretty sure of it. She died right in front of me.

“Very good Rosa, you were always mom and dad’s favorite child. I was nothing to them.” said Lily as tears were streaming down her face.

“What are you talking about? Mom and dad both loved us.” I said.

“Yea, then why am I still down here?” asked Lily.
I can’t believe it. She’s right. I looked down with nothing to say to my big sister. How can I forget this, they try killing my sister. When I looked up I saw Lily with a knife in her hand.

“Lily put the knife down. We can talk about this.” said Mary.

“Oh little Mary, I’m not putting it down until I get what I want.” said Lily.

“What do you want?” asked Abby.

“Rosa.” answered Lily.
My heart stopped beating. She wanted me dead. Then someone grabbed my hand and pulled me. I looked up to see Joe. After that I saw nothing, but the darkness.

I woke up to the sound of people shouting at each other. The voices, they sound like my parents and Lily talking.

“Lily, you let Rosa go now!” screamed my dad.

“Oh daddy, I’m not going to be pushed around no more. I’m taking something special away from you, like you did to me.” said Lily.

“And what’s that?” asked my dad.

“Your little girl, Rosa of course.” answered Lily.

“You wouldn’t!” shouted my mom.
I try my best to stand up, but my head just hurt so much. I finally got up and everyone was looking at me. I looked to my left to see all my friends tied up. I looked to my right and found Joe tied up. I look forward to see my parents and Lily. Lily looked straight at me and came towards me. I knew this was the end. My parents were trying to stop her. Before I knew it, it was inside of me. I looked at her face, she was smirking with joy. She knew she won this battle, but as for me I lost. I looked down to see blood everywhere. I was getting light headed. I turn to look at my friends. Mary and Abby were crying their eyes out. As for Joe he looked so shock and helpless. My parents were calling the police. And me you ask, I fell to the ground and closed my eyes to sleep forever.

I woke up and when I opened my eyes, I saw the brightness everywhere around me. All I could think of was where am I. I glanced up to see who was in front of me, just then something pulled me down. I was falling so fast. Before long I was standing in a hospital room. I looked around and I found somebody under a white cloth. I walked closer and my heart beat faster. I quickly remove the cloth. I was shock, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The person lying there was… me.

The author's comments:
This piece was for a homework assignment. I like writing Fiction stories better then non-fiction. When I was writing this piece, something or someone took over. I just kept writing. Some of my friends said it was a good story, so I hope you enjoy it!!

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This article has 19 comments.

Gecko GOLD said...
on Oct. 16 2012 at 6:50 pm
Gecko GOLD, Lafayette, Oregon
11 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When all else fails, make your character fall down a hole," -Libba Bray, at Powell's in Portland, Oregon

Good plot line, but I feel that things happened to quickly, and things were just too jumbled. I think that if you put a little more detail into things like when she found her sister, then maybe it would make the story more interesting. Because of this, I found myself skimming over some parts and just staring blankly at others until I got to the edge. I also think that, at the end (nice ending, by the way) you should have added more about her confusion and feelings when she saw who it was. (these are just ideas--you don't have to change a thing. Because I, too, am a writier, I know that you don't have to take everybody's critisism and use it. I know that if you like the way it is, don't change a single thing.)

on Sep. 24 2012 at 7:29 pm
vballgirl99 BRONZE, Atalnta, Georgia
1 article 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Practice makes perfect"

This did have a lot of grammactical errors and a vague storyline, but overall good job, you are a great writer!

on Feb. 6 2012 at 6:23 pm
Cheshirekat SILVER, Boise, Idaho
5 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
“A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Oh you can't avoid that; we're all mad here." - The Cheshire Cat

Really? The Jonas Brothers? WOW! The rest of the story is okay, I guess. I liked the plot line, just not the Jonas Brothers. *Gag*. Really good story. 5 stars.

on Nov. 21 2011 at 10:48 pm
Sophia.Veritas SILVER, Na, California
8 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
Jane Eyre:

"You examine me, Ms. Eyre. Do you think me handsome?"
"No, sir."

The ending was the only part that kept me reading through this. (Yes, I'm sorry to say that as soon as you falling in love with the Jonas Brothers was mentioned, I skimmed through to see if there was anything worth reading for, nice ending) And then....there were the blanks. I realize leaving some parts of a story to the reader's imagination is a key to getting "hooked" for a thriller, but you left a little too much to the imagination there. By a little too much, let me clarify I meant to the point of confusion. If I had just read the ending alone, I would be totally satisfied with this story. However, the Jonas Brothers wouldn't be a key element to this, it's just not necessary. Like the ending, like the vengeance-seeking sister, dislike the blanks and "frills."

on Oct. 8 2011 at 3:39 pm
Smile-And-Wave-Boys. SILVER, Rotherhithe, Other
8 articles 1 photo 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
— Oprah Winfrey

Like others said, the blanks in the story were a bit distracting, but overall this was really good!  

miguel99 said...
on Sep. 16 2011 at 8:47 am
this story was amazing

on Aug. 25 2011 at 7:09 pm
XxXBella.AmoreXxX, That Small Suburb By Manhattan., New York
0 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"But can you love someone, who doesn't love you back?"

" I'd rather laugh with the sinners, than cry with the saints"

the whole plot of the story was awesome ... just a few blanks in the story .... other then tht it was relle good ... keep writing :)))!!!!

. said...
on Aug. 3 2011 at 7:12 pm
I totally agree with you!  The story would have been better without the grammar errors and Jonas Brothers.

Ally_H. GOLD said...
on Jul. 12 2011 at 3:09 pm
Ally_H. GOLD, Bridgeport, West Virginia
18 articles 26 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don\'t matter and those who matter don\'t mind.

Okay, sorry to be blunt, but this needs a lot of work. First, the story line was unclear. Did Lily die? Why were your parents in the basement? A lot of things don't add up and left me trying to fill in blanks.

Second, there were so many grammatical errors. Be aware of what type of "your" you are using. Also, there were so many sentence fragments and run on senences. Be careful of subject-verb agreement and comma use. A major pet peeve of mine and all of my teachers is changing tense, which you did muliple times. Pick a tense and stick with it.

Third, your dialogue and many elements of the story seemed extremely forced. Always ask yourself "Would I say this to my friend?" If the answer is no, try to rephrase it. Also, let the story unfold itself. If you feel like you have to force the next event to happen, the reader will notice.

Lastly, seriously? The Jonas Brothers? I like them and that part of the story bugged me so much. It detracts from the integrity of the story big time. If you feel an extreme, slightly irrational urge to salute the Jonas Brothers in your work, just use one of their names. Then again, using none of their names would be just fine too... (Trust me on this one.)

Again, sorry for being so blunt. I just wanted to lay it all out so you could improve your story and bring out your full potential. Good luck in your future writing.

AmySeldom said...
on May. 7 2011 at 4:50 am
AmySeldom, Bonogin, Other
0 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing."
-Helen Keller

Agreed. This was awesome!!!! <3

Chloe_ BRONZE said...
on Aug. 16 2010 at 8:18 pm
Chloe_ BRONZE, San Antonio, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never underestimate the power of doing the ordinary in quite extraordinary ways.

I agree good story but the names should have been different :)

on Jun. 11 2010 at 2:16 am
rachelnicole GOLD, Arlington, Texas
11 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Maybe My Heart Really Didn't Skip A Beat....And Maybe The Twinkle In Your Eye Was The Sun Reflecting Weird, And Maybe The Feeling In My Stomach Was Just Not Having Enough For Breakfast...And Maybe I just Thought It Was Love"

wow this was so amazing. you are so talented. keep up the good work on stories like this.

Ratuzah said...
on Mar. 16 2010 at 11:49 pm
Ratuzah, Denver, Colorado
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Mailee your short story is amazing because like you said it is not like “another fairy tale where everyone lives happily ever after. Well your wrong, this story is nothing like that.” I like how you just state your point immediately in the intro. I also noticed the way you developed the characters throughout the story without just stating the characters all at the begging. The way you described the characters made me picture them clearly, but not exactly how they look. “I peeked over them and saw three guys that looked like rock stars. One had curly hair, a nice smile, and was probably the youngest one. The second one had straight hair and looks like he doesn’t want to be here. The third one was probably the oldest one. He had curly hair and seems pretty nice. They all had a nice body, they’re fit, and they look strong.” This is an example of what the characters looked like and why all the girls were drooling over them. You can visualize what the girls looked like. Maybe you could add more detail to some of the characters like her two best-friends that were like sisters. “Let’s just say my two best friends and I are the nicest people in the whole school, but then you meet Ashley Whaz and Lily Scott. You don’t want to meet them or be their friends.” And maybe more reasons why you don’t want to meet them.

Schubster said...
on Oct. 11 2009 at 11:51 am
it was a good, solid plot line :) i would've changed the Jonas Brother names though (since i really dislike them) but that's just my opinion.

Annika GOLD said...
on Oct. 11 2009 at 8:34 am
Annika GOLD, SIOUX FALLS, South Dakota
16 articles 0 photos 24 comments
that was pretty coold. i really liked the ending. it was fabulous.

LaylaViolet said...
on Sep. 17 2009 at 11:53 am
Wow, Mailee. That was a total trip. I absoulutely loved it! I think you could've used Zac's name; he's so hot. But the JoBro names are aight! Very nice work. I hope you got an A. :P

LaylaViolet said...
on Sep. 17 2009 at 11:52 am
You can try to have a friend illustrate for you. But chap books are alright. Can't wait to read your vamp book.

on Sep. 4 2009 at 12:46 pm
i am thinking of writing a book about these vampire kids and i cant really draw that well. what should i do should i add drawing or should i have it be a chapter book?

marisska said...
on Sep. 2 2009 at 11:57 am
this was amazing. you have a true gift.