The next day…. In Los Angeles
(Then it shifts into the sun and we go back down to the RV. The teens gets out of the RV and goes into the Papa's Pancakeria.)
Evan: I love pancakes! Let’s go!
Lewis: WOAH! HOTCAKES AND COFFEE!
Christian: Just keep the coffee away from Ryan!
Ryan: I heard that!
Dylan: Okay. We don’t want him getting high off of it.
(Cuts to them in a table eating breakfast and discuss plans. Ryan is shaking because the waitress gave him coffee, but then again, everyone but Dylan is drinking coffee at the table.)
Dylan: If I drink coffee, I’ll be up all night.
Evan: It’s about nine in the morning. You’ll run out of energy ‘till noon.
Dylan: Yeah, I guess you’re right.
Ryan: Alright, listen up. *takes out briefcase* We had 1 Million bucks. Now *opens briefcase* we have at least 600,000. Where the hell did the 400 go?
(Evan, Christian, Lewis, and Khalil all look away. Then we cut to a strip club where Evan, Christian, Lewis, and Khalil are all having the time of their lives. Evan is making it rain, Lewis is banging his head, Khalil is drinking shots and Christian is waving money in his hand.)
Christian: It’s raining money! Yaaaayy!!
Evan: This is the greatest moment of my life!
Lewis: *admiring a stripper* Oh yeah…. bring it, baby!
Khalil: *drinks a shot* YEAH! Our lives should DEFINITELY be like this!
(Two Strippers comes by to the teens. One is blonde with a red bra, thong, kinky boots. While the other has light caramel skin with black hair and purple bra, thong, and kinky boots.)
Blonde Stripper: Ya’ll wanna a private dance?
Evan: *gasps* Yeah we wanna see you dance!
(The boys makes it rain on the strippers as they smile and snatches the money they can grab.)
Purple Stripper: Follow me, her, *points towards her butt* and this booty this way.
(The teens follow the stripper into a curtain labeled “Private Room” and their voices are heard.)
Lewis: Ahda girl!
Christian: MORE! MORE!
(A flash appears, taking the camera back to present day where they’re still looking away while Ryan talks.)
Ryan: Anyone? Does anyone know where the money went?
Evan: Maybe a burglar came by.
Lewis: YEAH! DEFINITELY a thief!
(Scene cuts to downtown Los Angeles in a large shopping center.)
Dylan: Okay boys, let’s go shopping!
(Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’s “Thrift Shop” begins to play as the camera showcases several events of the guys’ shopping. First it’s Dylan walking into a suit store. A few minutes later, he walks with a purple hat and suit while saying “This is fun!” Next it’s Khalil and Lewis seen looking over the mannequin’s in Victoria’s Secret and pointing and laughing that underwear. Then a female worker with a name tag labeled "Cammy" is seen approaching them to shoo them out. Then Lewis flips her off and runs away with Khalil. We see Evan and Ryan at a sport store where Evan is practicing with some golf clubs at a game simulator. Evan is getting the high score, making Ryan mad. He shoves Evan out and tries to swing a golf club. We his hands are the air, he doesn’t notice he accidentally let go of the club and it hits a cashier on his head. Ryan and Evan sees this and runs away. We then cut to a Spencer’s where Christian is looking over some graphic t-shirts and then sees a cute girl walk by and follows he in a trance to the dressing room, we then hearing screaming as Christian laughs with pleasure. We then cut to him exiting, with a grin and some new flashy clothes like a yellow dress shirt with tiger stripe-like design. The music then pauses as Ryan and Evan walk into a comic book store.)
Ryan: Ooohh!! Aquaman!
(Ryan’s iPad starts vibrating.)
Ryan: Oh! It’s the girlfriend I got from the raffle!
Evan: This’ll be fun..
(The girl appears on the pad. She is shown to be tall, tanned skin, long brown hair, black glasses, and a bright smile.)
Girl: Hi! Are you..uh…*reads off card*..the amazingly handsome Ryan the Irresistible?
Ryan: That’s me!
Evan: Oh, for Pete’s sake…
Girl: Okay then!
Ryan: What’s your name?
Ryan: Oh my gosh!
Kaylea: What is it?
Evan (whispering): You didn’t jizz your pants, did you?
Ryan: Maybe…. Um….I’ll skype you later, Kaylea.
Kaylea: But we just m-
(Ryan ends the video.)
Evan: *in announcer voice* WOW! A NEW AMERICAN LEAGUE RECORD FOR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT ON A CYBER DATE!
Ryan: Oh F@%# you. At least no one else knows..
Evan: Yeah, just us and all the people watching us.
Ryan: How many people?
Evan: Maybe a couple hundred, no big deal.
Ryan: COUPLE HUNDRED????
(Ryan and Evan turns around and finds several nerds and geeks pointing their fingers and laughing at him.)
Evan: Haha, even the rejects!
Nerd One: Oh, wow. Look, it got 500 views in one minute. This is a viral video!
Nerd Two: Let’s all get on our phones and watch it over and over!
(Ryan runs off, but some nerds chase after him.)
Video Nerd: But wait! The camera loves you!
(As Ryan runs away from the nerds, Lewis, Christian, and Khalil are seen going to a guns and ammo shop.)
Lewis: Ah yeah! This is like Grand Theft Auto!
Christian: Hey after this, we should get that game for the RV.
Khalil: And a PS4 to go with it!
Christian: No way! Xbox One!
(The two wrestle each other while Lewis does most of the shopping. Then “Thrift Shop” resumes playing as sequences of Evan in a clothing store with flashy and fancy clothing while Dylan is at a Van’s store. Then we cut to a Best Buy where Lewis is choosing a flat screen TV with Christian and Khalil, who are seen with bandages around their heads and bruises on their faces. Scene cuts to a bench where everyone has pretzels from Auntie Anne’s, discussing what they bought as “Thrift Shop” quits playing.)
Dylan: I got this suit and some other great clothes. What’d you guys get?
Evan: Me and Ryan went and got some comics. Oh, there’s a video you should all see. *plays video of Ryan*
Christian: Nice job, Ryan!
Dylan: What about you guys?
Lewis: We got guns!
Khalil: And ammo.
Christian: And…… *glares at Khalil* a PS4.
Lewis: Not to mention some video games like Mortal Kombat X, Grand Theft Auto 5, Fallout 4.
Dylan: Oh yeah, excellent finds.
(Ryan tiptoes over to the gang, only to see Evan playing the video.)
Ryan: That wasn't funny, Evan! I almost died.
Christian: How? From getting your brain blown up from all those camera flashes?
Ryan: No, from getting trampled. Who know nerds weigh a lot in herds.
Dylan: Doesn’t everything weigh a lot in herds?
(The group bursts out laughing and high-fives one another.)
Ryan: Well, I messaged the girl and she’ll call me back later.
Evan: Why? So you can do it in the shower?
Ryan: Do what?
Evan: Never mind, I don’t want to give you ideas.
(Scene cuts back to the RV, where everyone is putting their new possessions away. Except Ryan, who is waiting for the skype call from his pad. He looks nervous.)
Lewis: What’s wrong?
Ryan: I’m a little nervous. What if she doesn't call back?
Lewis: She will. Listen Ryan, if you want to have it going, lose the whole “Ryan” thing.
Ryan: What “Ryan” thing?
Lewis: I’m saying you’re crazy. But don’t worry, I know how to fix you. Cause THAT’S what a good bro does.
Ryan: Okay, what do I do?
Lewis: First, lay off the pills. Second, be cautious of the girl and pay attention to her. Next, offer offerings, it’ll really give her in the mood to offer back, and you’ll REALLY like what she’ll give you back…. you probably already know, huh?
Lewis: Yeah. And lastly, Be funny, ladies love a joker.
Dylan: A FUNNY joker.
(Suddenly, Ryan’s iPad goes off, revealing the girl is calling him back.)
Ryan: She’s back! NOW EVERYONE GET OUT!
(Ryan pushes the group out the RV. He sets up the Pad in front of him and presses the “accept” button. Causing her face to appear.)
Kaylea: Oh hello there, Ryan. It’s good to see you!
Ryan: HOW THE F@%# DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?!
Kaylea: We had a call earlier and you hung up for some reason? Anyway, if you forgotten, my name is Kaylea.
Ryan: Oh, yeah! HI! *waves*
Kaylea: So…. where are you from, sweetie?
Ryan: I’m from this RV! And we’re on the run from the mafia!
Kaylea: No, hon. I mean where in the US are you from? I’m from Minnesota.
Ryan: I don’t know these things. Whahuh? Are you trying to rape me?
Kaylea: What? No, I’ just trying to get to know you-
Ryan: It’s okay! Just give me five minutes to do some squats and you can rape my dick ALL YOU WANT!
Kaylea: Ryan! I’m not gonna rape you!
Ryan: AW GOD D@MMIT!
Kaylea: So… what do you do for a living?
Ryan: I read comic books ALL day! When I eat, when I sleep, when I’m dropping a-
Kaylea: No, I mean, do you work at all?
Ryan: HUH!? NO!!! Work is for old F@%#heads that need to get a life, and slimely greasy mexicans!
Kaylea: *snickers* You know… You're kinda funny..
Ryan: You think I’m funny?!
Kaylea: Yeah, I mean, you just say what's on your mind and don't care what others think. I like that.
Ryan: So you’re saying I’m like a…. JOKER!?
Kaylea: Not exactly but just as funny?...
Ryan: I’ll take it. So-
(A loud knock is heard on the RV door and Christian’s voice is heard.)
Christian *from door*: Hey Ryan! We’re ordering some pizza, is there any toppings you want?
Ryan: DANGIT, CHRISTIAN! SHUT THE F@%# UP!!!
Kaylea: Wow, is everything okay back there?
Ryan: Sorry, my buddies like to stick their noses up my ass sometimes, and that’s my “F@%# you” to them.
Kaylea: I’m…. sorry to hear that.
Ryan: Yeah, I told I had a date with a girl and they laughed at me. And then they threw a plate of pancakes at me!
Kaylea: Why would they do that?
Ryan: Because they're a bunch of dry, wrnkled-up vag!nias. *turns to door* YOU HEAR THAT, GUYS! YOU'RE ALL DRIED, WRINKLED UP VAG!NAS!
(Scene cuts to Dylan and the gang outside.)
Dylan: THEN NO PIZZA FOR YOU!
Evan *in background on the phone*: We would like four pizzas with pepperoni on one, sliced sausage the other, mushrooms the third, and peppers to the fourth with breadsticks and two two-liters of Dr. Pepper. Do you still accept cash? Ah-ha! Trick question!
(Camera goes back to the inside of the RV.)
Ryan: FINE BY ME, YOU COC-
Kaylea: Here, let’s change the mood up a bit. Would you like to see me dance?
Ryan: Ohhhh! I would LOVE to see you dance!
(Kaylea starts dancing in a slow manner.)
Kaylea: I don’t even need music, I just love dancing so much. Ohhh…. Oh yeah…..
(Ryan’s face is in shock and is he sweating at what he is seeing.)
Ryan: Oh cr@p, this is better than making coke rockets with mentos! AND RYAN LIKES YOUR T!TTIES! Are they homemade?
Kaylea: Don’t be so perverted!
(Ryan is stammering, he has something in mind but doesn’t want to say it, until it comes out anyway... It's was the unspeakable.)
Ryan: I-Uh….RYAN’S C0CK WOULD LIKE TO DANCE IN YOUR MOUTH!
(A record scratch is heard as Kaylea stops dancing and faces her date with utter disgust.)
Kaylea: That’s it! You ruined it for yourself Ryan. This date is OVER!
Ryan: NO! WAIT!
(Ryan remembers Lewis saying his offering advice and decides to take action.)
Ryan: I’ll give you a cupcake if you show me your booty!
Kaylea: And HOW are you going to give me a cupcake from the F@%#ing computer screen?!
Ryan: *happy gasp* SO YOU’LL DO IT!? YAY!
Kaylea: Nope! BYE!
(Kaylea angrily ends that call, to Ryan’s shock.)
Ryan: NO! WAIT! COME BACK!......... You gave me a false b0ner, you b!tch!!!!
(Everyone is outside where a campfire is in the center and there talking and enjoying their ordered pizza. Ryan walks out sadly.)
Lewis: Hey! Did you and the girl do it?
Ryan: Up yours!
Lewis: I think I’ll pass.
Evan: So, how’d it go?
Christian: Khalil, you're the cussing expert, please translate what he just said.
Khalil: Sure, he said his date was like human waste.
Dylan: Hey! We’re trying to eat here! Sorry about your date though….
Evan: I know what could make you better!
(Evan gets out his phone and shows Ryan the viral video of him jizzing his pants. Everyone, except Ryan, laughs.)
Ryan: GOD DAMMIT, EVAN!
Dylan: Can we see it in slow motion?
Evan: Don’t worry, it’s going to right… NOW!
(The video sequences in slow motion and everyone laughs.)
Lewis: So, what screwed up your date?
Ryan: Christian! It was his fault! And Dylan too!
Dylan: Why blame it on us?
Ryan: Because…. uh…..Because….. THE SMELL OF THE PIZZA DISTRACTED ME!
Dylan: So it’s the pizza’s fault?
Ryan: NO! It’s yours for ordering it!
Christian: You’re blaming it on us, so you don’t feel half as bad about somehow ruining the date. You’re justing making an a$$hole of yourself.
Khalil: Tool. You shove tools up your a$$!
Dylan: What did you say to the girl?
Ryan: Well she started dancing and I said…..
Ryan: Um...that my...eh..heh….
Lewis: *gasp* The UNSPEAKABLE PHRASE?!?
Christian: Bro….. That’s so wrong…..it’s right!!!
(All the guys applaud Ryan and his affords and sit him down and give him a slice of pizza. Evan raises his cup of Dr. Pepper and proposes a toast.)
Evan: A Toast to Ryan! And a toast to us all for staying alive all this time! Washington is in our future, men. So in short, TO LIFE!
The Herd: YEAH!
(The gentleman all click their cups together and drink as the camera shifts up in the air. The camera goes down, bring us to a dark hotel room where Master Gulio is one his computer and a transmitter next to him, and he appears to be sad and in despair.)
Master Gulio (v/o): My children….. gone. The two that would take over when I’m dead…. Why?
Mafian on Radio (v/o): They were indeed fine offspring, sir. But that is not the case right now.
Master Gulio: It was the moment Sarah finally opened her eyes to her life, but now she will never live the fullest of it….. all because of…...THEM!!!!!!!!! THEY ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!
Mafian on Radio (v/o): Well, do you know where they are?
Master Gulio: I’m trying to find it.
Mafian on Radio (v/o): Well let’s recount the major events. They were first in Virginia, South Carolina, Texas, Arizona, and now California. They are comic book nerds, except for that Dylan guy, so there is something up north they’re headed for.
Master Gulio: And the question is: what? Hmmm….
(Master Gulio goes to Google and searches up “Events happening in the Pacific Northwest.” After searching the net, he finds a page labeled “Seattle Comic Fest” and Master Gulio grins creepily.)
Master Gulio: I think we have an answer..