Out of the Ashes | TeenInk

Out of the Ashes

April 12, 2015
By guard-girl GOLD, Clover, South Carolina
guard-girl GOLD, Clover, South Carolina
10 articles 11 photos 148 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."
Proverbs 3:5-6


The dragon was still. As still as the jewels he lounged on. The darkness of the vast cave was ominous, but more ominous still was the murderous figure that was before me. The light in the cavern seemed to come from his strange bed, which filtered into his scales, as red as the blood he was responsible for spilling. He never moved a muscle. His cold eyes never left me. I glared in return. How could anyone, even a dragon, not feel remorse for what he has done? He had leveled famed cities, uprooted nations without even a blink of his eye, orphaned thousands of children! My hate for him boiled inside.
“Hello, Firebird” he hissed, his mouth curling into a sick smile. “I have been expecting you.”
Of course you have. I thought. But you don’t know why.  My own mouth formed a snarl. “You or your spies, unless you have eyes on your tail? How many are currently working for you, and for what purpose? Just to claim another city’s treasure for your bed?” Open-ended question. Good. Keep him talking. Get his guard down.
The dragon’s smile turned into a snarl, which did not look so different from his grin. “ My purpose is not yours, girl! You seek revenge, while I become the greatest of all creatures! I alone, who have done what no puny human has done!”
What?
“What do you mean, revenge?” I asked cautiously. Though I my goal was to catch him off guard, that certainly was not my goal for myself.
“You don’t know?” The dragon’s sickly smile came back. “ Another thing to add to the list of things you and your resistance friends do not know.”
I checked my watch. Using my inner heat sensor given to me as a guardian of the Phoenix, I could feel my companions getting closer, getting in position, waiting for me to make my move. Among them, I could feel Jay, our commander, ahead of the group. Following him was Julia, my little sister, who had become a major leader in the dragon resistance. Oh My Gosh. Phoenix herself was here. My job was extremely important now. However, I wanted the truth.
“What do you mean?”
He chuckled. “Firebird, you really expected to get out of my attack alive and me not know about it? I caused the fire that killed your family. I caused the fire that brought the Phoenix herself to your aid, making you her guardian. Yes, I know what you are. It was the only way you and your sister could survive my attack. I know...”
I wasn’t listening anymore. The only thing I could think about was my parents. What the dragon had claimed echoed in my head. I caused the fire that killed your family…I caused the fire…. Killed your family…killed your family…
All other thoughts fled my mind. My original mission, my companions hiding in the shadows, my sister. Revenge. Revenge. Avenge!
With murder in my heart, I struck.

With a start, I sit up in bed, making my sister next to me stir. It was only a dream. Starting to relax, I look around my bedroom. It seems fuzzy, somehow. Something is wrong. What is that smell? With horror, I realize what the problem is. Jumping up, I grab Julia, and run to my parents room, somehow not being affected by the heat that is all around me.
My room is surrounded in flames.


   
     



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This article has 4 comments.


Lunch SILVER said...
on Feb. 12 2016 at 12:47 pm
Lunch SILVER, Manila, Other
5 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is always something left to love." – Gabo Marquez

Good premise, but you might want to polish your execution. There are some typos that need to be fixed, but I'll leave those up to you. As someone pointed out, the "it was all a dream" cliche isn't exactly the best choice, but it's forgiveable in this context. What irked me was the lore you used for the fantasy section. I won't lie--"Guardian of the Phoenix" sounds suspiciously like "Order of the Phoenix" with some Eragon thrown in for good measure. The part where the protagonist checks her "inner heat sensor" sticks out. Maybe there's too much lore and exposition in too little space? I hope you don't feel discouraged. You did plenty of things right: you have a sense of plot and you "show" instead of "tell". Remember, just keep writing and writing and writing.

on Aug. 29 2015 at 2:31 am
SkippyPeanutbutter SILVER, Utrecht, Other
9 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Happiness can be found, even at the darkest of times. If one only remembers to turn on the light." -Albus Dumbledore
"We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?" -the Eleventh Doctor

At first I was so disappointed that you did the whole 'it was all a dream ' thing but then I read further and now I'm happy you did. It made the main character so much more interesting and it keeps me wondering about her/him and the world they live in. Good job!

on Apr. 16 2015 at 7:59 pm
guard-girl GOLD, Clover, South Carolina
10 articles 11 photos 148 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."
Proverbs 3:5-6

Haha thanks :)

on Apr. 16 2015 at 7:46 pm
CNBono17 SILVER, Rural, South Carolina
5 articles 0 photos 250 comments

Favorite Quote:
Lego ergo sum (Latin—I read, therefore, I am)
The pen is mightier than the sword—unknown
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity—1 Timothy 4:12

I have never been prouder of you than I am at this moment:) Loving the fantasy!