Absorbed | TeenInk


February 14, 2013
By ElspethF BRONZE, Kirkwood, Missouri
ElspethF BRONZE, Kirkwood, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When one door closes you can either wait for another one to open or break in through a window"

My feet feel it coming before my ears do.

Slow vibrations at first, as if maybe I am the one shaking, not the ground. But as the vibrations quicken, like a flute coming out of tune, I know the truth. The air hums with an unspoken unanimous fear. We all stand frozen like dolls for a moment, dumbly awaiting our fate.
Move! Get out! Hide!

My sensible half screams to the part of me that is paralyzed. So frightened I can’t even feel my fear.

The cars are all stopped in the streets. A light changes at an intersection, a reminder of the way it was because surely after today life won’t be the same. No one heeds the light. A baby wails but his mother seems to not notice. Dogs in the distance howl at the sky. The sense it too. Some people are running. Running every which way, probably to a house or shelter. Like a roof would somehow protect them. A woman near me has dropped to her knees and is crying prayers into the ground, her voice a babble of urgent words. I can’t think of anything else to do so I stand there, head whipping back and forth, a confused frenzied expression on my face. Shock I suppose. Screams cut through the air punctuated by hurried whispers. All eyes are glues to the sky. The air is electrified with desperation.

We were warned too. That what makes us all feel so stupid. A childish pang in my gut is just angry that I was wrong. There had been so many predictions in the last couple of years only the fiercely religious had believed the warning of yet another crackpot minister enough to make shelters or preparations. And I, a humorously devout atheist, was not among this crowd. The rest of my southern family used to be the type too. But that was before the “great prediction” last September. My poor farming family spent every penny they owned trying to appreciate the “wonders of life” before they died. When midnight had passed that night even I was relieved, so fooled I was by the media. They, however, were devastated.

That same sensible part that studies equations and neuroscience and can’t believe in anything unless there is physical evidence is trying to rationalize these events as well. Earthquakes aren't that uncommon in California anyway. The fact that that it was the exact time the minister had predicted could be a coincidence.

But just as soon as I've convinced myself that’s all this is the first one arrives.

Silently I see it form. A small dark dot that expands quickly. No one else seems to notice it; they are all looking for a black hole in the sky to “swallow mankind”. A small girl sits nearby, seemingly, unaware of the panic that ensues around her. Her clothes adorned with Hello Kitty. Her braids undone. Her face smiling as she watches it suck up ants like a vacuum cleaner. Her mother and father are nowhere to be found. I see the idea gleam in her round blue-brown eyes as her chubby little hand reaches forward.

But I find myself unable to speak, the words lodged deeply in my throat, suffocating me.

Her small finger crept closer, a slave to her curiosity.

I snap out of it and run. My heart pounding with my feet.

I grab for her Mary Jane-clad foot but I am too late. Before my hand connects she is sucked down below. A high pitched cry echoes.
The hole widens as I back slowly into a wall, hands raised in front of me to protect myself or silently say it’s not my fault I can’t tell.
Maybe raised to surrender.
Then as soon as the hole appeared it’s gone. I have never fainted before, I’m a doctor for heaven sake and I am not really the delicate type.

But that day my head, with all its trusted scientific principles, smacked against the concrete

That was the first time I saw someone be absorbed. I will never forget it no matter how hard I try.

The author's comments:
This is my very first article and I hope people enjoy it!

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This article has 13 comments.

Elspeth said...
on Mar. 25 2013 at 1:40 pm
Elspeth, Pekin, Illinois
0 articles 3 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Every hello is the prologue to an unfortunate ending so as people we must create as many stories as we can!

I love how it makes you keep reading to find out what is happening, its really good - you may want to re-read it to make sure you spell the correct word EX: the is supposed to be they.

CammyS SILVER said...
on Mar. 11 2013 at 4:30 pm
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else's draft.
H. G. Wells
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
Mark Twain

I totally agree with Zozey. I went into this a little skeptical that it would be that good, but I absolutely loved it. I say this about a lot of pieces, but yours was absolutely awesome. Awesome. Only thing wrong is that it isn't 20x as long.

on Feb. 27 2013 at 8:53 pm
ElspethF BRONZE, Kirkwood, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When one door closes you can either wait for another one to open or break in through a window"

Funny thing is I actually did write more but I decided later that the beginning was better alone and that this end was cooler but I might end upo posting my attempt to continue this once it's better edited.

on Feb. 27 2013 at 8:51 pm
ElspethF BRONZE, Kirkwood, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When one door closes you can either wait for another one to open or break in through a window"

Thank you! You have no idea how much this has made my day!

on Feb. 27 2013 at 8:50 pm
ElspethF BRONZE, Kirkwood, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When one door closes you can either wait for another one to open or break in through a window"

Thank you I love any feedback to help me improve! 

on Feb. 23 2013 at 9:21 am
GreekGoddess BRONZE, Andover, Connecticut
3 articles 0 photos 182 comments
Oh my gosh, you kept my eyes stuck to this screen the whole time! Great job! Try taking this and making it a novel, it could be really good!

on Feb. 22 2013 at 11:10 pm
WhenItRains21 GOLD, Magnolia, Texas
12 articles 0 photos 54 comments
You totally sucked me in. Right from the beginning. Seriously, it took a lot of will power to peel my eyes away from this story.   It's really great; there's lots of imagery and description, and the end wrapped up very nicely. Wonderful job!

on Feb. 22 2013 at 10:33 pm
TheRandomNekoPrussia BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
2 articles 3 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Treat my people well, Bruder, and when the flag rises and black eagle soars again, I will return."

*drags eyes off beautiful story long enough to write this* OMG dude this is so great, I love your writing (as always)

MegaSock GOLD said...
on Feb. 22 2013 at 2:23 pm
MegaSock GOLD, Beverly, New Jersey
13 articles 1 photo 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
Endeavor. There is nothing greater, and nothing more dangerous, nothing safer, and nothing lesser than taking a step out the door, to endeavor.

Such a cool story! I loved the imagery. I think this could definately be expanded into something bigger, try at it! Very, very well done for your first story!

on Feb. 21 2013 at 10:20 pm
E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 145 comments
I loved all of the imagery, figures of speech, and vocabulary you put into this story, it really added to the emotion of it. The story line was very impressive. I can't believe this is your FIRST story! Amazing job, I can't wait to see what you'll write in the future!

on Feb. 21 2013 at 9:55 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

Very nice story line. I was really into it. There are some grammar problems you might want to look into, but the story was very fresh and interesting. :)

FunnyM0nkey said...
on Feb. 21 2013 at 6:05 pm
FunnyM0nkey, Richmoore, Montana
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Orignal, I hope you continue writing!

on Feb. 21 2013 at 5:59 pm
froggylover67, Dirkhood, Delaware
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm Possible!"- Audrey Hepburn

So riveting! Love the action and the character!