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The Petals That had Fallen
I used to pick petals off of rotten blossoms, hoping that they’d grow stronger. But unfortunately, they never did. They kept festering, and continued to poison themselves.
But those flowers didn't bloom as they should. I used to be enthralled with the thought of vibrant colors on the petals, and I got ecstatic when I saw leaves turn from green to yellow, to orange then finally red.
But the flowers that I had surrounded myself with were faded and they had left me jaded, and begging for something out of the norm. But normalcy for me was typical, and filled with a wallowing depression.
I had succumbed myself into an eternal slumber, though my eyes had been wide open. I saw everything around me and felt the objects that I’d brushed past, and yet, it was as if everything was drained of beauty.
Everything had become monochrome, and the black and white tones, with no tinged of grey. Grey was obsolete. Unsatisfactory. I had no use for grey, because everything was one way or another. It was up or down, left or right. If you asked me about the middle, I would've laughed and said that my vocabulary was far too refined for a word so distasteful.
Love at first sight was just a saying that people used so they could rush into things, and have everything blow up in their face. And it always had for me. I stopped believing in love in general. For these roses, their petals leaked a hazardous acid, and that acid was laced with love. And love was toxic.
Toxicity was something I had learned to live with. Everyone was able to breathe the surrounding air. But I felt enclosed. As if I were smothered and strangled. Asphyxiation.
I found myself having to wear a mask just to be able to breathe clean air, for it had become rusted. I would watch lovers walk by hand in hand, smiling and laughing. I kept a poker face, but I had crushed my peppermint latté with my left palm, as if I hadn't known my own strength. I shook off my hand from the liquid and blistering heat and stood up to walk away.
But I wasn't alone.
It was as if a figure had been standing over my shoulder, and as I slowly turned around, the wind had blown my hair, and yet no one was there. I was alone. I honestly was not surprised. I looked at the trees, the black leaves and dark branches had stretched out, and the only sign of life I had enjoyed was the birds. I heard the birds singing as if they were happier than I ever had been.
Chirp, chirp, chip
I looked over past the field, and I saw a slight hint, and may I say hint of a red tinge, and I had tripped over myself, stumbling and catching myself as I ran over towards the direction.
As I had approached, a dahlia, tall and firm had stood in the ground. I had just stared at its beauty. For everything surrounding it was black or white. But this-
This flower, was unique. And as I had went to pick it up…
The moment my hands had touched it, it had shriveled, and the color had drained and gone away.
I felt my eyes burn as I felt my tears in the back of my throat. I took in a deep angry breath… and all I could feel was rage.
Everything I had ever touched seemed to lose vitality-
And just as I felt a tear pinch my eyes, a hand, gentle and yet slightly firm, grasped my shoulder and spun me around.
He was not much taller than me, and he wasn't exactly skinny. But he wasn't fat either. His eyes were wide, his hair was trimmed to a medium length. But his smile… it had killed me with it’s perfection.
I shook those thoughts out of my head. Love doesn't exist. Not at first sight, not ever.
I had just stared at him, and as he had opened his lips to speak, I had bolted. I had ran. I had gone as fast as my small legs could carry me, but it those legs in actuality only took me maybe twenty feet before I collapsed at my knees and realized how lonely I was. How lifeless I was. How I actually could use a friend.
But I was fighting myself.
I had just knelt there, breathing. Barely getting the air through my nostrils. But I felt my veins pump blood to my arteries. It was with the beating in my chest. The constant beating, and it kept reverberating, and knocking against my skull, as if it were a heartbeat. And maybe it was, but if it were… it was a murmur. It was abnormal, out of whack.
I knew I was different. I knew I was antisocial. And it was with a different kind of apathy I had, that made me want to turn away and had made me leave him standing there. Without a care, without any remorse, and I just knelt there with a blank look.
I had gotten up and turned around and the whole time… his arm had been extended towards me as if he wanted me to shake it.
And I was hesitant. But I did. His hand was warm, and it seemed to send a shockwave throughout my body. Chills had spread along my body like wildfire. I felt my spine stiffen, and yet the rest of my body had ached and eased up a little.
As I stood in somber silence, he spoke his name, and it rang throughout my ear canals. And it was almost as if his name was familiar.
But I knew all too well that it wasn't.
Nothing I had ever known was familiar other than the pearlescent glare atop of the lake as if it were glimmering with an absence of color, and this… this man that just stood before me, held so much love in his eyes, that it was sickening.
I wanted to love. No.
I wanted to love him-
But I don't know how and I feel like I'm falling into the water, and he’s taking me in deeper than I feel that I've ever been. And it's either sink or swim, and I may as well drown. I can't love. I don't know how to love, and I'd rather drown myself… than wind up drowning him.
And yet he’s holding me up, and as I push my hair backwards with my hands, he stands me upright and leans in and presses his lips against mine. I feel back in a mixture of pain and happiness and I just stood there and no matter how hard I tried, there was a glimmer of hope, a twinkle in my eye, and a smirk on my face. And the more he kissed me…
The more color flushed back into the earth.
I began to see vibrant colors as I felt my chest suddenly beat at a normal pace, and I felt like my heart had defrosted from a cold wintery hibernation.
He handed me a bouquet of big blossoming flowers with a wide smile, and none were faded. They were all ripened and vivacious.
I looked at him, and into his big brown eyes. They were outstanding, and as said I had stated earlier, his smile really did take my breath away as I stood in awe as he just smiled.
I couldn't help but do the same.
I'm not fixed, but I'm not broken either. But I knew one thing…
That he would never give up trying. He’d die trying to make me happy. And even though I may not have wanted to fall in love, I know that I would do the same. For as I looked into those brown eyes, I saw something I had never seen before.
And maybe so, it very well could have been love at first sight.