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Every girl at my high school has the same New Years resolution. Kiss Sage Monroe. Hug Sage Monroe. Have a living, breathing, real life conversation with who? Yes, Sage Monroe. He is all anyone talks about. Your typical party loving, football jock, straight A student who has it nice with the teachers. Everyone likes him. And at some point, I probably will to. I’ll end up joining the fan girl zombies who stalk around his locker and stare at him in class, twirling their hair and biting their lips, blinking slow and tilting their heads like puppies.
I sat in my class, doodling the hair twirling, eye batting zombies. Sage sat in the front of the class, head on his hands, staring with a contempt at the board. A girl sitting next to him passed him a note. He opened it, smiling weakly as he turned to her, then pocketed the page for a few seconds, picking it out when she looked the other way and tossed it behind him. Giggles erupted from some people around him. He turned, and that's when it happened. Eye contact. His grey, electric eyes locked onto mine. We stared like this for a few seconds, then my throat failed on me and I coughed a few times into my elbow, my eyes retreating to the ground. By the time I looked back, Sage Monroe had turned to face his notebook, and his pencil flew across the page, denying me of any passage into is view.
The next few weeks were uneventful. Nothing. No eye contact. No awkward meetings. Just normal day after normal day in my math class in which our beings were within feet of each other. Until one day:
I walked through the hall, books held tightly to my chest. I closed my eyes for a single second, sighing, the realization that I forgot to do my homework insulting my happy mood. When I opened them, there stood Sage Monroe. And then I ran into him. He lurched forward, knocking into some people as I fell backwards onto the ground. I leapt forward to pick up my things, apologizing quietly.
“What?” He said, laughing. “Sorry I didn’t see you.”
I looked up, pausing. “I ran into you. You didn’t do anything.”
His face fell. “You know, I could kill someone at this point and everyone would say I didn’t do a thing.”
“Well, I don’t know about going that far.” My voice came out of me before I could bite back my tongue. I was surprised that it held at least some meager amount of strength.
He chuckled. “Maybe.” He stood, handing me my book. I turned to walk away, when his hand fell on my shoulder, stopping me. My feet obeyed without question. I turned.
“Um, yeah. What?”
“What’s your name?”
I hesitated. This could change my entire social status. I was invisible. I should be invisible. I became conscious of people staring at me. Girls. Guys. Zombies. A group that I assume was Sage Monroe’s friends. “Kathrine.” I mumbled.
“What?” He bent down slightly, looking me in the eyes.
“Sage Monroe I know.” I started to walk away. He shouted back to me.
“Thats a good book you know! Its one of my favorites!” I couldn’t help but smile.
I sat in my room and texted Sage every day when I got home, if not he texted me. We talked about his ex’s and parties and homework and teachers. We talked on the phone and met after school. Everyone thought we were some couple, but I always told them otherwise. Yes, I spoke to people and told them I wasn’t dating Sage Monroe, but we were really good friends. A lot of the girls in my class who stared at him, stared at me too, wondering why a simple girl without a cake on her face was friends with him. HIM. I laughed at the thought.
Earlier today, I sat on a bench in the park that ran for two blocks across the street from my house. I drank coffee from the day before, wrapped my coat a little tighter in the chilly morning weather. I heard someone approaching from behind me. A girl ran up in a pink sweater and sat beside me. I made note of her blonde hair, her perfect white teeth. An ex of some sort.
“I need to talk to you.” She said, her ‘starbucks’ accent drowning out any sort of intelligence. I put a book mark on the page I was on, closed my book. I folded my hands in my lap, looking at her. She stared at me, furious. I threw her a confused glance.
“Do I know you?” I asked.
“Your Sage’s friends right? Well I’m his ex, and we’re kind of on a break right now but I want you to-“
“OH!” I exclaimed, cutting her of. I stuck out my finger. “Your Mackenize!”
She nodded sarcastically. “Why?” She spat out.
“Uh, he told me about you.” I turned back to me book, opening it again. She slammed her hand down over the words.
“Listen to me! Stay AWAY from Sage, got it?”
I laughed, gingerly placing her hand at her side. I pulled out my phone. “I’ll text him that.”
“What?! No!” She stood, ran off.
I continued to text Sage, saying, “Ur ex Mackenzie stopped me in the park today and interrupted my reading :(“
He replied with, “What’d she do, dump a frappichino on you? lol.”
“Nope, told me to ‘STAY AWAY FROM SAGE.’”
“Omg, lol. U busy later?”
“I’ll pick u up at ur house. Lets do something.”
I stood, left the park, and prepared for a day with Sage Monroe.
I had the best night. Sage and I went and saw some rom-com movie that was very pointless and extremely dull, but it was SO funny. We sat making fun of the characters horrible life choices the whole time. We ate popcorn and chocolate. And then we ate popcorn and chocolate together. It was interesting. Afterwards we went for dinner at a sushi restaurant, and then we drove to the mall and shopped around. I made him try on a dress. He hated it, but it was amazing.
“You look fabulous.” I said between breaths. Laughing and ashamed, he walked back to the dressing room and we left.
“Lets head back, the malls almost closed.”
We walked back to the car. Hopped in. It’s a Fiat. It’s a bright blue Fiat. Bright blue rich person Fiat. Might as well have a dollar sign on the license plate.
He closed his door, and turned on the heat as he started the car. We both leaned back, laughing. Then it happened. He turned to me. I looked a him, the dark making his eyes especially bright. Shadows were painted across his hawk like features, his high cheek bones, through is brown hair. He leaned forward, I leaned forward. And then I didn’t know what to do so I just closed my eyes and…
Tilted my head the wrong way.
Our foreheads thumped together, and we both bounced back. I grabbed my head.
I heard laughter. Sage sat next to me, laughing his head off. “S-S… Sorry. Oh my god, your amazing.”
I felt heat rising to my face, tears forming in my eyes. I sat silent. He turned, now quiet. We sat like that for a while. Tears dripped down from my chin, and I was thankful for the dark. We drove to my house, and I got out and ran inside, ignoring the beep of my phone half an hour later.
Sage and I had a do-over day. I hadn’t talked to him much since the “mistake” as we called it. So we went out and went to the fair grounds. Then it started raining and we began to run back to his car. He slipped, and I tripped over his legs, tumbling down with him. We lay in the mud while rain splashed around us, laughing. He sat up after a minute or so, and stood. He looked down at me, reached out his hand. I took it, letting him pull me up. He grabbed me, wrapping his arms around my waist. We stood like that for a few seconds, then he tilted his head and closed his eyes. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and this time, tilted my head the right way.
Sage and I have decided that we’re a couple. It was a long, tedious phone discussion, but we are officially a thing. My parents made such a big deal about my first boyfriend. They practically think he’s a Saint. My mom thinks he’s amazing, and my dad wants to give him an interview. I laughed when they said that.
I haven’t written for a while, obviously judging by the date. Summer vacation began a few days ago. I’ve just been so busy with Sage. We do almost everything together, and we’ve been latched onto one another ever since that bump in the hall. Its weird to think that I was just “that one girl” a few months ago and now I’m Sage Monroe’s girlfriend? I’m happy though. And I guess thats all that matters.
I really do think I love him. I do. Theres no questioning it. We have a relationship that started with a friendship, and thats important. I remember our first conversation after we decided we were a couple (a rather short one.)
“Hey.” We stood in the park, inched from each other.
“Hey.” I looked into his eyes. He gripped my face in his hands, kissing me. We went to a movie, ate popcorn and chocolate. Every time I looked into his eyes it felt like someone was slowly lulling me to sleep, then yanking me awake, and I would get this shock of adrenaline. We were your classic teen romance, much like the one we watched on our first date. And as we watched the movie, I decided something. His arm around me like a puzzle piece, his laugh more familiar than anyone else’s.
I was truly, deeply in love with Sage Monroe.
Sage and are at a party. It's some stupid Senior frat but its fun I guess. I’m not normally into this kind of thing.
I saw Sage flirting with a girl and had to pull him away. He got mad at me for thinking that he would do that and stormed out. I wandered around for a while, and eventually went back to the car. Was that the right thing to do? Should I have just let him do whatever? I didn’t know. I figured I’ll just deal with the consequences.
A few hours later (yes, hours) Sage came back and got into the car.
“How long’ave you been’aiting here?” He snapped. “I was looking 'ur you!”
“Im sorry. I didn’t know where to go and you kind of just left me in there.”
“Whatever Kat.” His words slurred. How much alcohol did he have?
“Maybe I should drive.” I unbuckled, beginning to open the door. He slammed his head down on the wheel and let the horn drag out. I grabbed his head and shook him. “Whats going on?! Stop Sage seriously, your scaring me.”
“Your drunk.” I stated blankly. He shakily put the key into the ignition and started the car. I closed the door.
“Immfine! Ok?!” He yelled. He slammed on the gas and drove off, speeding up fast. My hands latched around the handle on the roof, my feet slamming the invisible pedals in front of me. Break break break break.
“SAGE STOP!” I screamed. My eyes darted to his. He looked deranged. The speedometer in front of him read 60, 70, 80.
“What're you doing?” He asked, casually. He was insane.
I keep writing. “Im writing this down.”
“Why? Do you keep a diary of something?”
“Yes, actually. On my phone.”
“What is WRONG with you Sage? What is going on?! PLEASE. SLOW. DOWN!”
“I don’t 'ave to DO anything!!!” He screamed.
It took me a long time to come to grips with what happened. It really isn’t clear to me yet what DID happen. Sleepless nights. Days in this bed. All I remember is the headlights, and Kathrine’s head slamming into the dashboard.
She undid her seat belt, she wanted to drive. I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was doing. Her parents wanted me to speak at the funeral. I didn’t go. I couldn’t. I couldn’t look at her scarred face in a pretty dress she never would have worn. And I know what I did was wrong. I’m a terrible person. I know that. I didn’t see the car. I was looking at her. She called me deranged. She called me insane. What have I done? What did I do? Head on collision. I’m lucky I can still move my hand. I can’t go to school. I’m in the hospital now. My right leg shattered, a fracture in my spine. I almost slipped into a coma. And by the time the ambulance arrived her body was pale, her eyes blank, her phone nearly shattered into her hand. I’ll never be able to walk normally again. But at least I can move. Kathrine can’t. She’s dead.
Its all my fault. I drug her to the party. I yelled at her. Her last word was “please."
I murdered Kathrine Renolds.