Many things in life you can’t explain. Like the feeling of being in love, the feeling o losing someone, the feeling of disappointment, the feeling of accomplishing something that meant the world to you. Words alone cannot describe these feelings. And that’s how I felt with you.

Words cannot describe how I felt about you. I loved you deeply, and you knew that. With a passion. I thought you loved me. Everything was perfect. You wanted to marry me, I wanted a family. We planned our future together. Everything was going the way I wished.

But then it all fell.

The last night I spoke to you, you were tired. You said you missed me and I missed you. You told me how you got hit by a car and n the morning you were going into surgery. We were both upset. I was scared, you were scared. I wanted to keep talking to you but you needed to sleep. We talked for a bit more and said our goodbyes. That was the one night you didn’t say ‘I love you.’ It bothered me but I thought nothing of it.

I slept uneasy that night, you know. The doctors never told me what was wrong with you.

I was not prepared.

Morning cam and I never got my message from you. I waited and waited. I finally said

“Good morning, my love.”

I got a response but not from you. A nurse was on your computer. He told me…

He…

He told me…

…that you passed away.

You left me.

I couldn’t believe it.

They said you died on the operating table.

I died.

I cried and cried and cried…

I was mad at myself. I never said ‘ I love you’ and I hated myself for it. I hurt myself. You were gone from me. I lost you forever.

I still have your pictures.

You smiling.

I couldn’t explain my feelings when I lost you. Not realizing that my last goodbye to you was one without ‘I love you.’ I’m disappointed in myself. I’m disappointed that I wasn’t the best thing in your life. But you always said I was. I miss you. Now we can’t grow old together. We can’t raise a family.

I’m alone now.

It’s hard.

I miss you a lot.

I hope you’re okay up there.

I love you, my angel.