My Sailor Doesn't Love Me Anymore | Teen Ink

My Sailor Doesn't Love Me Anymore

June 12, 2012
By LeannaRose SILVER, Moreno Valley, California
LeannaRose SILVER, Moreno Valley, California
5 articles 6 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself...and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

My Sailor Doesn’t Love Me Anymore .
I do not know what to do or say
The stormy clouds above my head mark the anger and weeping within.
I must look like a drunkard, tripping over my own feet and now crawling in the rough sand;
Sobbing uncontrollably as my raggedy long hair now drips wet from the rain pouring down upon me.
I have reached the water but I do not know what I am trying to find.
I try to grab the water, to keep it, to remember my sailor.
I panic and frantically try to grip the water as it quickly escapes from my grasp but I continue to struggle as it turns my fragile fingers frozen and numb.
I scream and weep hysterically, part of which I do not know why, but to release the agony inside.
I cry until my face hits the needle pricking water.
My tears are just as salty as the sea; they mix with it and become one.
Then the tear mixed sea swallows me up.
My throat burns with the salty substance as my lungs fill with this ice cold potion
Violent waves come crashing over me until my entire body is thrown and lost in the rough sea. I try to take in one last breathe but gulp in the salt water instead,
I try to call to my sailor, my voice struggles to escape, for I am drowning.
I don’t fight it, I continue to cry.
I am not afraid to die, I just do not want to live with this pain.

My Eyes Open .
Somehow I am alive.
The worst of the storm has passed but gray clouds still linger above me.
I do not know how long I have been here. But I am not me.
I am still no longer complete.
Half my body lies on the land –soft and untouched – while the other is buried in damp sand that is continually hit by the crashing waves.
My legs; they have molded like a tail from a fish of the sea.
My beaten and battered body has formed into something beautiful; unnatural colored scales gleam in the little sunlight that has peaked through the clouds.
But there is still a sorrow inside of me.
I still miss my sailor.
I close my eyes and imagine him here with me.
I smile as I see him, picking me up and twirling me. I see us, laughing.
I imagine the conversations we’d have and the experiences I have yet to tell him about.
I go to take his hand but the action jolts me back into reality as my hand catches nothing but the humid air as I slip.
Here, I am isolated.
No one cares for me, no one will listen to me, no one knows me, no one supports me, no one understands me.
I wish I still had his companionship the most.
Each day sailors pass me by,
I smile and wave
But I can’t help but wonder if he is one of them.
I do the one thing I know how to, I sing.
In hopes that my voice will ring through his ears and he will come back to save me.

Can You Hear Me?
I begin, my voice carries across the Deep Blue Ocean.
I sing day and night for my sailor, and it begins to relieve me.
I create messages with rough parchment and send them out to sea, one day he might read it and think of me.
Each day I watch the array of colors, different shades of orange awake me in the morning and blasts of purple and pink signify the coming of the night.
The sun rises and the sun sets
Until it has happened so much that I cannot count.

I no longer grieve over my long lost sailor, but every day there is a little sting.
Other sailors pass me by
And admire my beauty, my voice, my morality.
They see my value, for I know I am treasure on my lonely island,
But I am not theirs and they are not mine.
One day one of these passer-biers will come and save me; fix me and care for me.
But that time has not yet come.
I know m sailor has heard me sing out to him and yet he refuses to respond.
I wish he didn’t treat me as the black plague, but acknowledged my existence.
I want to know what goes through his mind now,
I can only hope there is nothing but good thoughts towards me.
I want him to know he’ll always have a place in my heart for the rest of my life and I hope he let me find a place in his.
I must admit, there are cold lonely nights on this beach when the gleaming moonlight is the only other presence around me
And I desperately long for the touch of another; their warmth and affection.
But I survive, I get through it –roughly.
For now I sing from my heart and await
The Precious Sailor that will soon
Take Me Away .

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