“I’m Hayden Horvath; I was diagnosed with bi polar disorder when I was nine, after my parents divorced. Things became worse with age, and eventually I completely lost it.” I have been in Marywood for six months now and people were beginning to believe that I had absolutely no voice what so ever. I had actually came to my senses today of all days since Peyton committed suicide seven months ago. For once I believe that maybe my mother was right to send me here. I know for a fact that I’m not ready to face the world outside here yet but in willing to prepare myself. I want get “better.”
“Continue Hayden.” the group leader quieted the group.
“Seven months ago my boyfriend Peyton and I got in a fight, but it wasn’t like the normal fights we got into lately this one were bad the worst yet. At first I was calm at first about when you forget to take your meds you loose all control faster then you think. Well I got irritated and shoved him. He shoved me back but it was harder than he intended to and I fell down the stairs and fractured my arm in three places. I could tell he felt bad and I tried to make him fell better about it but it didn’t work, no matter how many times I told him that I was not mad at him he still wouldn’t look me in the eyes. I was so tired by the time we got back to his house that I fell asleep. When I woke up….” I wanted to cry but held it in.
“When I woke up all I seen was this shadow hanging above me it didn’t take me long to realize that it was Peyton. I got him down and tried giving him CPR but he was too far-gone. After that day I couldn’t eat sleep and it was hard for me to breathe with a gaping hole in my chest or that how it felt at least. I would not smile or laugh I was that depressed I couldn’t even fake a smile. I went to school once after he passed away but left in the middle of first hour. It’s not easy when everyone is saying that you killed someone. I made it to the point where my father left and my mother was afraid of me. All I did was lay in my bed and tried to sleep with out having the horrid nightmares that I still have. My mother sent me here hoping that maybe it will help, but the thing is noting can help unless you yourself want the help. Six whole months that’s how long it has taken me and I want to be able to go back to my house and face the fact that Peyton is not gonna be there to hold me when in down.”
I had one last thing to say but I couldn’t find my voice again. It didn’t help that everyone was staring at me in a state of awe.
“You are all dismissed. “The group leader stood up and waited for us to all leave the room before leaving herself.
“Hayden,” someone was shouting my name but I ignored him until he almost caught up with me. “Hayden, wait …”
“What!” I was not in the mood to have people ask a million questions.
“You are my hero,” I could tell he was running because he was out of breath by the time he reached me.
“How so?” I noticed that I was talking in a monotone but I was fine with it even though it was unlike me.
“I never realized it was possible for someone so normal to be in Marywood until I heard your story. I’m sorry to hear that you lost a loved one that way, I know how hard it must be.”
“I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me. I would love to be left alone right now but apparently you have no idea how to read body language.” He was starting to really get on my nerves.
“I’m s-”
“Just stop.” I was furious now. “I hate those words, they are so empty. The people who say them never truly understand your pain, they just assume they do.” I pushed my way through the small amount of people that were still in the halls so I could get away from Tyson.
That night I cried my self to sleep as I have every night for the past seven months.
When I woke up I noticed a piece of folded paper that was lying on my floor. I unfolded it and realized it was a note.
I didn’t mean to upset you I cant fully understand your pain but
I did lose both of my parents. No one knows my true story and
As an attempt to make it up to you for being stupid yesterday
Meet me at your table at lunch and I will tell you my story.
Hope to see you soon.
Tyson Ritter
I was still infuriated with Tyson, but I reminded my self that no matter what someone does they deserve one second chance, or at least that’s what I go by. I put on my clean set of clothes and walked to the cafeteria not aware of the time.
When I got to the cafeteria my table was empty. I decided to just wait for him.
“Sorry I’m late,” I hadn’t realized I had fallen asleep until Tyson woke me.
I lifted my head to Tyson’s face right there. “ Its fine, as you can tell I was sleeping.”
“ I’m here because my parents found out that I was getting into drugs big time, it started roughly a year and a half ago. My parents got killed in a car accident. I was beyond devastated when I found out two days later, I had been staying at my friends house and no one had tried getting a hold of me. I didn’t know what to do or how to react, weather to hate the guy who killed them or be sad that I had no parents. I was lost without my parents being there to talk to. For the longest time I was in a complete fog, I would go to school eat sleep the normal routine that most people my age do, but I did it with no emotion. It wasn’t long that I had become a part of the wrong crowd at the new school that I had started going to. They introduced me to pot, yeah I had heard of it on many accounts but I never tried it. That first hit was my escape of all the pain and hate I was feeling.”
“Really pot, I have done it since I was ten” I cut him off.
“I used to go to a huge expensive private school where everyone was too good for any thing. As I was saying, pot eventually stopped working as it had at first. I was a t a party with the guys I was in a band with; Robbie had bought some Blow so I decided to try it. It was thrilling and was a new risk, a new buzz. Eventually meth, heroine, and ecstasy followed. Each new drug was exciting and took me on a different ride I loved the high but dreaded the crash. My parents started coming across my strange behavior and had found pot a couple times but thought nothing of it at the time, until I got kicked out of school and told not to come back. My parents sent me the top rehab center. I was livid that they would do that to me so I broke all the rules just so I could get kicked out. That only got me sent to a juvenile detention center, which was not a good experience. Neither helped at all, because I did not want to change. I loved the way the drugs made me feel invincible.”
“That’s not the way to think Tyson it only gets you in trouble” his story was lame to begin with and was only getting worse. I choose to be nice and stay and listen, even if it was boring me beyond repair.
“As I was saying after I got out of juvie I jumped straight in to my old habits. I was going to an alternative school because no other place would take me because of my reputation."