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Only about two minutes left. Why do I stay on the other side of campus during break? I could just come over here and eat. My third period is right here.
Eric probably won’t text me and take back what he said will he? Nope. I could go on that online dating site tonight; it’s someone to talk to at least. “Hey Hailey!” it’s Brent. He rushes up to me and give me a hug “how it do, girlie?”
“I’m alright, Gutierrez” I tell him quickly (one minute left), “how are you?”
“Here I want you to come to my party”, he slips a small piece of paper into my right hand and I grasp it tightly.
We both part and I’m now rushing to get to Horst’s class. I get there and the bell has already rung, everyone is waiting outside, now I remember why I take break on the other side of campus and rush to class, this teacher is always late.
I open the slip of paper and read it. His party is in a few days. He’s going to be 18? I thought he was younger. I guess I will go, there might be some guy that I’ll meet there. I will just do what I did with Eric, just start talking to people, flirting. I’m usually quite shy but at parties I don’t know what happens to me, I become quite social.
The night of the party comes and I arrive at Brent’s house. He looks quite shocked to see me there. Nonetheless, he greets me with a hug and I sit in one of the open chairs while some of his good friends give me some intense looks. They have never liked me. I sit there quietly, and roam around outside for a while. It starts to get dark and I’ve hardly talked to anyone. I go back in the garage and there I see a guy standing alone while everyone dances. He is striking, he looks a little old for this party though. What is he? 23?
Some girls walk up to me and one introduces herself, “ Hey, I’m Viki” She blurts out, “what high school are you from?”
“Hailey, I go to Olympia High”
“No way, me too. I haven’t seen you around” she is giving me this look. Is she hitting on me? Yea, I think so. I try to excuse myself by pretending I have a text and I look up, the guy on the other side of the garage seems to have edged his way across from me. I am now looking at him directly. I excuse myself to go outside and come back in a minute later, hoping that girl left. She did.
Something happens outside that makes everyone shove out of the garage, I didn’t know what was going on but I get up from where I sit and as I do, my eyes lock with the stranger. At this point I know if someone is going to make a move, it is going to be me. He seems way to shy, at least I have talked to people, he had stood there quietly the whole time. I walk up to him while he pretends to be walking outside with the others, he is walking quite slow to be a part of the crowd. “Hi, I’m Hailey” I extend a hand, he has no choice but to greet me now.
“Kevin” he takes the hand and shakes it.
“What school do you go to”
“ I go to the college right out here”
“Oh, I could tell you were a bit older” he looks at me slyly.He wants to say something.
“I get that all the time, but I’m only sixteen” he quickens his pace to get outside.
“Oh—How did you--?” I want to ask how he is in college, looks like he is 20-something and graduated high school early. He understands what I mean.
“I was in this program that allowed me to take extra classes to graduate” he answers the unfinished question.
“Oh, very cool”
I feel like I am stalking him most of the evening. I can’t help it, he caught my attention and he is holding on to it tightly. I hadn’t felt that kind of immediate attraction since, well, since I met Eric. I ask if he has a girlfriend, he says no. At this point I wonder if he is gay or not, he has a ring on his middle finger (gay?), coincidentally on the same hand I have mine. His ears are pierced (gayer??), I hope he is not gay. God, I hope he is not gay. Whenever I try to strike up conversation, he overshoots and begins to use high-end vocabulary and it makes me feel insecure. He must think I’m stupid, or he might be gay. I’m not sure if he is bothered by me or not, he keeps slipping away from me in the small crowds. I don’t care, I don’t know him, so I will follow. He finally asks if I want to take a walk with him. I hesitate. There is hardly anyone out on the streets and it is dark out. I agree though, he seems trustworthy.
As we walk he has trouble coming up with conversation topics, is this why he does not have a girlfriend? He starts explaining the structure of tires on cars and how one of his car tires survived an impossibility, he rode on a tire that had a hole the size of a quarter and it didn’t go flat before they caught it. He went on about mathematics, and babbled things about physics. I thought this was so cute, so nerdy and somehow extremely attractive. It was odd, my previous boyfriend was a complete opposite, I met him at a party too and all he talked about was the crashes he had been in from racing cars, his tattoo and drugs. I found him attractive too. When I talked to Kevin, my feelings for Eric would evaporate.
We headed back to the garage, and he sat down next to me, we watched other people dance and I finally told him I had to leave and the words popped out of my mouth quicker than I could catch the feelingbehind them, “Do you want my number so maybe we could hang out sometime?”, he perked up a little.
“Yea…sure” he walked me to my car although I insisted that I parked far and he did not have to. I was freezing but he did not dare lay a hand on me. He simply asked “you cold?”
“yes, freezing” I chattered.
He put in my name and number on his phone, and we parted
He was on my mind, the only thing on my mind for the next three days, I was a year older than him though. Day one, twenty four hours had passed, he did not call. Two days, nothing. Third day, he was not attracted to me anyway. Fourth day, a text?
Things began to move right along, he insisted that people always thought of him as older, although on our first date I got us into the movie, it was rated “R” and he was only sixteen. I was seventeen and showed my ID while he claimed he had lost his. The security was suspicious, but let us through anyway. While we were watching previews, I asked out of curiosity if he had ever smoked weed. He strongly disagreed with its consumption, and I shrunk down in my seat. “I’ve dabbled with it” I confessed. “I just thought that you have to try some things before you knock ‘em”, I said.
His face changed and he paused for a moment somewhat in disbelief, then he thought about what I said and he edited his previous words to make it sound as if he meant to say he would try it but had never had the chance.
We watched a movie that was somewhat gory and I usually get into movies more than I should. I make crazy faces and don’t even know it until someone laughs at me. He laughed at me. I knew I was making the faces.
It ended and I told him I had a great time. We walked around the mall for a bit and it was about time for both of us to leave, so I asked if it was something he would like to do again, as I made another stupid face that indicated my fear of the answer I did not want to hear. His face turned concerned when he saw me and he, very quickly said “of course”
The months flew by and I had never felt that close to anyone intimately before. He was the most attractive person I had ever been with, his mind was incredible, his inventions were flawless. I could not help but feel ugly and stupid while standing next to him and somehow more masculine than him as well.
He had the bluest eyes I have ever seen, complimented with the lushest pair of eyelashes and purest skin. Chiseled features, thick hair, and six feet tall. He was gorgeous! However true this was I always felt there was something lacking in our relationship. I wanted to love him, God knows I did but he did not love God, so I could not.