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Allergies part 4
Ahh, the night remains cooler no longer.............the warm rays start to shine.....it feels like the warmth of love. Of life. I'm kissing Greg, and am just starting to feel the sun's warmth, as our lips perform a dance among each other, hardly wanting to get off the dance floor.
Frantically we pull apart, as he just noticed as well. "THE SUN!!" he both shout in panic, and i rush him inside, before the it could rise completely. Quickly shutting the door. And even that hadn't helped. i could see Greg, the love of my life, clutching his chest, too weak to scream. i look------of course!! The rays shining through the window!! As soon as i notice, i shut the curtains, but I'm too late. He's still clutching his chest, but now he's on the ground, scrambling to breathe, and lets out a terrifying scream. i heard another scream, my own. My hand was over my mouth, my face was drowned in my tears, hot and running down my face. A few seconds later, mom and dad are running down the stairs, asking "what happened?" when they see Greg, sprawled across the floor. Instead of demanding why he's here, dad runs to call an ambulance and my mom hurries to comfort my shaking body, watching in terror. i could see the blood rush throughout his veins, turning his skin a pale pink.
i was waiting in the waiting room when the nurse came up to me and said "Renee, he's now opened to visitors" and left. i didn't even care that she got my name wrong. i was just eager to see the face of the man i had caused the harm that sent him here. i was still shaking a little but it wasn't as bad as when i had to see him sprawled across the floor in pain.
i was here, at his room, 401. Just about to go in, when through the open door, i see that another girl has reached him first. They're talking. i can barely hear their hushed voices, even with the door slightly open. But i could see she's about the same age as me, not extraordinary looking, but kind of average, with long sleek, straight golden locks of hair. But she makes me feel ordinarily bland, with my brunette hair that falls into my face too much, and my pale blue eyes, though no one could tell cause they look gray. That, and the dozens of freckles on my face. And, from her deep compassion, i just know she's not a relative. i watch her give him a kiss on the cheek, and then i back away, as she steps out the door, 4 tears strewn across her cheeks.
i come inside, and the world stands still. Greg's awake and looking a lot better then before, a monitor hovering above him.
He looks at me with those intense eyes again as he had before. i had never knew what power eyes could have till i met him. That's when everything changed.
We're both willing to break the silence but not knowing which one of us is to do so. Finally, gathering up all my courage, i blurt "i love you". "i know" he murmurs. "stop shaking". i try but it's very hard with a monitor standing over him. "And I'm sorry" i continue, wanting to go on even though i hate revealing feelings too much. He does the job for me "i know you feel like it's your fault. But it's not. Those were the best kisses of my life, and i should've known better then to lose track of time like i did. I'm in love with you Rebecca, and i refuse to let an allergy get in the way of us"
His words make my heart pound.
i didn't even have to speak. i just let him in from day 1. Let him change my taste in music, change my view on life, change my mood, change me. But i wont let him deny something that's true and hovering in the air above us, something we keep trying to avoid. But i don't say it.
i whisper "that's so sweet" and smile for the first in a long time. True, his allergy wasn't deserved and was injustice, but knowing this wouldn't make it go away. i would either have to date Greg with the allergy or not date him at all. And i couldn't stand the 2nd option. Like Mandee sang, it's threatening to tear us apart, but i won't let it. At least not today. i get a good grip of his hand. Sparks fly, just like the very first date. i don't dare kiss him though; not after what had just happened. i just look into his eyes, trapped in love, whispering a conversation, never letting go. He makes me smile, but not laugh. i make him smile, but not grin. i see his limp body across the hospital bed, he sees the body of an ordinary girl called me who brought him into that bed. But none of us care.
"Who was that blond girl who was just inside?" i ask. His smile vanishes. He doesn't answer. My stomach sinks. He always avoids answers when the answer is bad. he frowns almost guiltily.
I feel a tear about to escape on my cheek, and i rush out of the room before he could see it.
Greg doesn't call after me.
"NOW WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!!" my best and only friend demands when i tell her over the phone. I'm at home, in the comfort of my phone, away from love, and hospitals. i tell her "did you hear me?! The blond!". Tears will to escape. i hold them in. She says "omigod Becca! Here's one guy---Who's NOT a pothead, and he's so sweet and actually ROMANTIC, putting up with YOU, and SAYING something ROMANTIC and you screw it up!" i stutter "i-i........"
"Don't start that game with me B" she says cutting me off. "He has helped you beyond belief. He is the only guy who has turned you from a depressing goth to a dreamy and in love butterfly. And all your fights have seemed to be caused, because YOU have to always find some flaw and point it out. Can't you just be satisfied? Enjoy your hunk while you can?? Be happy. He's loyal and a guy like that is hard to find. Who CARES about his financial business and a blond who kissed him ON THE CHEEK ONLY? Something's up. i know you Becca. SPILL"
she was right. i spilled my heart out in a second
"i got scared. i admit, I'm a huge priss, a terrified one too. i had never been in love before, and he comes along, and i don't want to be the jealous type, but the monitors and the blood and everything-----i just really don't wanna see him go. This all scares me"
"THEN DON'T LET HIM GO!! That's what you're doing. He's giving you his heart, why not give him yours? Trust for once. Not every guy out there is a 2 faced jerk. Hold on to him while you can. Let yourself go. It'll all be worth it in the end"
i now had some questions "what if he's not the one? what if all this time we were fooling ourselves playing a game and knowing it, but not wanting to deal with it? What if all of this wasn't love but something deeper within ourselves, our true selves, our insecure souls?"
She replied "now, i don't know what your suggesting, but don't ask questions. Trust in your instinct. Think about what the man said at school. What is it you like about this person? Were there any off moments? think about it"
And so i did.
There WERE many off moments. For example, at Wendy's the indie film gone wrong-----that had felt horrible. Also my anticipation of wanting to know his secret----the feeling that i was being kept from something felt dreadful as well. i thought back to all the time i had felt deep sympathy for him, and sometimes how his intent gaze made me wanna squirm and sink into them all at once. How sometimes, we had several awkward moments, moments i didn't put much thought to before, but were now the center of my thoughts.
And finally, worst of them all, how he didn't call after me when i fled his room just recently.
i knew it now. i knew in my heart whether or not it was love.
What is it? IS IT MEANT TO BE? Will Greg and Becca make it or break it? Stay tuned for part 5!!