Dreaming in Death's Waters | Teen Ink

Dreaming in Death's Waters

July 25, 2010
By HotTeenWriter24x7 BRONZE, Poughkeepsie, New York
HotTeenWriter24x7 BRONZE, Poughkeepsie, New York
2 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forbidden to Remember, Terrified to Forget."

Death. In any Hollywood movie when you see the person dying, you see them getting flashbacks of their life’s precious moments. The ones slipping away quicker than sand does from the palm of your hand, while the sad truth of reality is carefully being avoided by them since they don’t want to accept what’s in store. Some people find it unrealistic; I mean does it really make sense? Thinking about your past when you’re on the verge of death, when you should be fighting every measly second just so you can live an extra minute in this world. It seems more like something from an overly dramatic book than something that could happen to a real person out in the real world. A world where anything regarding a happy-ending or true love isn’t believed, by the practical-type population anyway. But if you share true feelings towards any being, then in those last few seconds of life you will unquestionably see his face smiling at you, giving you all the more reason to break through all the barriers just so you can live another minute under the gaze you would trade anything in the world for…
It all happened so suddenly I wasn’t given any time to think or find a way to get out of the situation, it was my fault not that it mattered now, I was, after all being dragged into the horrifying mouth of the sea. I had crossed the depth I could swim to and I knew that I was currently in the situation where I should be screaming my lungs off for help, but I knew it was useless. I was panicking of course but I was clueless on what to do. My brain had disconnected from my body as soon as the storm came in and the safety tips on how to get back to shore in this type situation were washed out of my brain the same way I was being washed farther away from my life, my friends, my family, from him…
It was as if my memory had known my longing to see the warmth of his smile, to remember the contentment his company gave me, something that no human in this world could replace. The feeling I got when he was with me, that was “his feeling” and no matter how much I tried that emotion could not be restored or substituted by anyone else. And now that I’m at my end I feel no shame in admitting that with the absence of his touch, my life has been until now and always will be incomplete. Despite all this I felt a great spasm of irritation towards my memories, the least they could have done was at least show me him before everyone else, so that I could feel as close to him as possible, snatch him away for these last moments and take him up to heaven with me and after my death. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind his company, after all he would have a cloudy appearance since he’s just a memory, heaven wouldn’t become crowded just by adding an extra memory, I’m sure they have places to safely keep memories like him. After all, I could never wish for him to have an ill fate such as dying, I would fight my selfishness, I’ve gotten enough time with him and he deserves to live his life to the fullest. All I could see ahead of me was an end which I could not avoid in any means where areas he has a long and satisfying future ahead of him, but I couldn’t think of my end now, my mind was too busy wandering somewhere else least interested about me ceasing to exist.
I was surprised at how I remembered him in such flawless detail; my mind hadn’t left a single feature of his unattended. I recollected how it used to feel when his eyes would be fixed upon my face; their brightness sometimes felt blinding to look at, especially when they were fueled up in concern. His hands were like feathers; their touch always seemed to help me escape the darkness of all my problems and bring in the light. Even long after he was gone they left behind a tingling sensation, proving that he had been there with me, and the sensation always staying long enough so that I would remain calm and relaxed until he got back. Slowly, yet reluctantly my eyes traced the perfect double curve of his lips, lips which had once been all mine. They were the softest baby pink, irresistible to look at, and because I used to have full custody over them I never let go of a chance where I could have them safely locked with my own. The first time that I kissed him, I felt like he was really flying me to heaven (I had always thought of him as my own personal angel sent from the gods) because nothing in this world, no, this universe could compare to what I felt having my lips in full embrace with his. After I recalled that glorious moment, I felt a sharp pang which had nothing to do with the ice-cold water because I felt this in my heart.
I never had my happy-ending and I never will. Why is it that true love only occurs in story books? It takes years to build a relationship that is sincere with real compassion and everything can break in just a minute or thirty seconds. We had been like the yin-yang, no matter how drastically different we were, we were always two parts of the same whole. Nothing could have budged us apart, but now that I’m drifting farther away from him I am also drifting farther away from the little hope I had of bringing him back, of reuniting myself with my true second-half. A half that will forever always be unaccompanied.
I felt a strong pull as if I was being hauled against a force; I expected it to be the current swallowing me rapidly into the bottom of the ocean, once and for all. I was hoping it would be quick so I wouldn’t feel regret in any form, I am overjoyed that my last few moments were spent in happiness than in sorrow, so that now I can leave this world and everyone in it with a bright and sunny smile on my face. Just as I’m about to say goodbye I feel my head break through something I creak my eyes open and I see him , his glorious face looking down at me with a horrified expression and disbelieving eyes. I can never be sure though. It might have been a final thought yanked from my subconscious that would have truly allowed me to rest in peace because in the very next moment I passed out into an endless black, cold, and empty hole.

The author's comments:
My inspiration is trying to prove how for some people true love can occur in the real world. And I hope that I can inspire others to pursue their feelings through writing and rememeber me through my writing. I just really hope you guys like it!

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This article has 13 comments.

on Aug. 28 2010 at 3:16 pm
HotTeenWriter24x7 BRONZE, Poughkeepsie, New York
2 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forbidden to Remember, Terrified to Forget."

thnx...bth of ur comments really helped and it will definatley help me write better...it encourages me to write more...so again really helped...the tips i will focus on...and jst keep telling frndz to read... ;]

on Aug. 28 2010 at 2:46 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

I liked this story very much.  How deeply in love the character was was beautiful.  And the way you told how she was drifting out into the sea and almost not caring was amazing.  I loved you introduction-type-thing in the beginning, it was a great opening to this great story.  The only thing I could recommend is a conclusion-type-thing at the end, just to baleance and sum up the piece.

Great job

Whylime said...
on Aug. 27 2010 at 10:52 pm
Whylime, Brentwood, Tennessee
0 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grief is the price we pay for love -- Queen Elizabeth ll
Don't go there, I'll only follow -- ???
Why is a raven like a writing desk? -- The Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland
Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most -- Willy W.

I really liked it but was fazed by the longggggggg paragraphs. On my first artcile I made the same mistake and now I understand what they meant. Next time try to break it up more so people who stay up wayyy late reading to crituque won't have to strain thier eyes (:

Overall I really liked it and hope you continue to write and perfect the craft. I encourage you to go to the forums and check out AvengedJasonFold's thread called  Simon's Helpful Tips or something like that becasue I learned so much from it. Im not that great of a writer so his tips really helped me understand what I have been doing wrong for so long.

Hope your writing dreams lift off! I really want my writing to speak to people, too! We just have to practice, practice, practice! Good Luck!

on Aug. 25 2010 at 2:47 pm
SwordGirl SILVER, Apex, North Carolina
8 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."

-- Winston Chuchill

Fantastic! I saw everything the narrarator went through in my mind's eye. And the title was great.

on Aug. 24 2010 at 11:32 am
HotTeenWriter24x7 BRONZE, Poughkeepsie, New York
2 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forbidden to Remember, Terrified to Forget."

thank guyz so much...this really inspires and gives me more reason to write more...thank u for all those who recommended to frndz...u guyz are a great help... ;]

Ash.x BRONZE said...
on Aug. 24 2010 at 10:57 am
Ash.x BRONZE, Swansea,Wales, Other
1 article 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."

mm.. definately well written and i think everyone can see you've put deep thought into this.. nevertheless .. great job! :)

on Aug. 23 2010 at 7:47 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 430 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

This is an amazing prologue, it really makes you think. I loved it! :) If you decide to put the rest of the story on here, please tell me!

on Aug. 22 2010 at 12:45 am
Toria3339 SILVER, Newport Beach, California
9 articles 0 photos 13 comments
wow! amazing! love your writing :D

on Aug. 21 2010 at 7:14 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

I agree with katie-cat, she basically got everything I was thinking =) Keep writing!

on Aug. 19 2010 at 6:45 pm
HotTeenWriter24x7 BRONZE, Poughkeepsie, New York
2 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forbidden to Remember, Terrified to Forget."

thnx u guyz...and it would really help if u could get some of your friends to comment...i like the feedback... ;]

katie-cat GOLD said...
on Aug. 19 2010 at 4:46 pm
katie-cat GOLD, McClellandtown, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Look after my heart, I've left it with you."- Edward Cullen
"To love another person is to see the face of God . . ."- Les Miserables
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her out and let her scream." - Mark Twain

I thought that this was very well-written and the descriptions were well near excellence.  But, I felt this to drone on and on and on.  I was reading and the words seemed to like blur together.  I was confused.  Is this like a prologue to a novel?  if so, then I think it needs toned down a bit.  If it's a short story than I think it needs more.  Like I said, It is very well written, but it doesn't have a lot of......meat to it, yet.  Like there's not back-story about her and her lover.  What's going on between them.  It left me with questions at the end, but only if it's a short story.  If it's part of a novel I think it's fine, it just needs toned down, shorter and sweeter.  So, you have all the potential in the world:  you have great descriptions, and the feelings you were convaying were very relatable.  Keep it up :)

~Katie-Cat J7X Team

on Aug. 18 2010 at 8:17 pm
Irene_Adler BRONZE, Holland, Michigan
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Jules, you know honey... this isn't real. You know what this is? It's St. Elmo's fire."

Wow, I really liked it! I think it reallly did show that people can be in love in the real world, a fact that I agree with you on 100%.

There were some run-on sentences, I guess, but other than that the writing was great! I look forward to reading more from you :)

on Aug. 11 2010 at 8:44 pm

NICE TITLE........compared to the ones me nd u discussed over the phone.......i think this is the best. as u know i alredy read it........it is beutiful........recamend it to EVERY ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)