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I loved him; I knew I did, and I knew that he loved me. Although it killed me inside, I had a duty to perform, and a vow to uphold; a vow to myself and a vow to my husband.
"Honey, can't we talk about this?" The sound of his voice, and the pain that was evident in his words, made me wish I could take him in my arms and hold him, until all his tears dried and all his fears ceased existence. But I couldn't. Not this time.
"I'm sorry, Travis, but this has to end. Here, tonight....now," My heart was breaking inside my chest as I spoke the words, but I stood my ground. "I love you, Travis, you know that, but nothing can happen between us."
"But why not? Is it me? I can change, Baby, please--"
"No, it's not you. It's me. I'm married, Travis."
He seemed taken back by my statement. "Well, I know that...I've always known," he stated, unable to conceal the honest shock in his voice. "But so what? What does you being married have to do with anything? You could get a divorce, everyone does."
I shook my head. "I'm not everyone, Travis. I will stay with my husband and I will love him."
"But you don't!"
Tears welled in my eyes as I heard his words. "No, I don't. But I did once, and I can and will love him again. Travis, love is difficult. Fairy-tales don't happen. Happy endings aren't real. If I want my marriage to work, I have to work. I have to fight for it."
I took his hand in mine and looked into his baby blues. "Thank you...if it weren't for you, I never would have realized that." His eyes began to water as tears formed. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and whispered goodbye as I walked away.
I had made a vow, many years earlier, that in sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, I would stand by my husband and love him. I had broken that promise the day I met Travis. I fooled myself into believing the lie of happy endings.
As I walked away from Travis that day, I made three vows to myself:
The first vow I made was to never again see Travis. It broke my heart to say it, but I had to. If I wanted my marriage to work, all hindrances had to be removed and that began with Travis.
The second vow I made was that I would no longer believe the lie of fairy-tales and that true love has a happy ending. Because I then knew that true love doesn't have a happy ending, since true love should never have an ending.
The third and final vow I made was that I would never again break the most important vow, my wedding vows. I would keep that vow until the day I closed my eyes and into eternity I found myself.
I took a deep breathe. There I was, at my front door. It was time to face reality and talk to my husband. I gathered all the strength I had left, turned the door knob, and opened the door.