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chapter two: the night he left
That night after I made it home I could only hear his voice. I could hear the few words he said: "Sophie." "No." "I'm not leaving." "Yeah." "You." It was hard hearing my name in his light tone.
It's been too long. I suffered too long.
I remembered it like it was yesterday. I used to gush. I used to smile. I used to be a girl filled with a never ending rush of happiness. I was excited. I thought I loved him and I would spend that entire prom night with him. It felt like destiny. It felt great. I was a junior. He was a senior. I was WITH him. I was IN LOVE with him and everyone knew it.
I wasn't that girl anymore. The girl who stood in a corner at a party watching people's purses. I was IN the loop. I was WITH the group. It was the IN CROWD all the way and I was excited to be in that crowd at prom.
So I got ready. I had my $250 dress on. Red and Black, Satin and Lace- it fit me perfectly. My mom fixed my hair. She took me to get my nails done and everything. I was ready. I was waiting.
I waited for an hour.
Another hour passes and Mom offers me dinner with a pitied look plastered on her face. But I say no. He's coming. He has to come. Everyones waiting for me to come.
Half an hour and I'm sitting on the porch watching the streets. My phone rings. It takes me a secon to flip it open and stare. In two seconds I'm blinking rapidly. Another two seconds and the tears are falling.
DON'T WAIT UP FOR ME. CHANGE OF PLANS. I'M NOT GOING 2 PROM W/ U. UR 2 YOUNG. IT'S OVER. BYE.
All in all, he broke my heart in five seconds.
I didn't go to school for the rest of the week. It was the end of the year and Aoran would be going to college at Princeton. In another year I'd be at USC. We'd be far apart. It hurt to know in the beginning and then it became a relief. I wouldn't have to look at the guy I loved. I could get over it and then it will be like it never existed.
The US I used to daydream about was gone. I didn't want to feel the hole in my heart that I always heard about in books. The feeling that tore apart your insides. The feeling that sent my mother, who was the strongest person I knew, breaking down in tears. Because I knew what the pain could do to you. I knew it wasn't easy to overcome.
But it was easy for him. It had to be easy for him to just let go. He didn't feel the need to see me face to face. He didn't feel the need to look me in the eye and say it. It was easy for him to let go. It meant he didn't love me like I loved him. It meant that he never did.
So how dare he come back? How dare he say that I am holding him down?
I did no such thing. I did the opposite. I let him go just as he pushed me away. The only thing I could think of when I saw him there in the park was that he shouldn't be there. He didn't belong anywhere near me. The beauty of that night was ruined.