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EC+AM=4ever Chapter 8
June 8, 2009
"Wow, that's so sad." Kristy said. We were sitting at my kitchen table, drinking iced tea and talking about last night.
"I know. What do you think I should do? Because I'm beginning to think that I should tell Ash to choose his mom." I replied.
"Well do you really, truly love Ash?" she asked me.
"More than you could ever imagine," I admitted. "He's just amazing. He's sweet, smart, down-to-earth, polite, everything I'd ever look for in a guy."
"Well then you shouldn't tell him to choose his mom. You should let him make the decision by himself."
"But I don't want to hurt him."
"Ash is already hurt. There's nothing you or I or anyone else cand do to change that. Ever since he killed his dad I'm sure it's been rough for him. So don't blame yourself for that."
"Fine, but I still think that I should tell him to choose his mom." I told her.
"But what if Ash doesn't want to choose his mom? What if Ash really loves you?"
I thought about that for a moment. What if he did choose me over his mom? "I never thought about it that way."
"Don't you get it, Evalynne? Ash really loves you. I can just tell. I've only met him once, but the way he looked at you...it was definitely love." she said.
"Really?" I asked.
"I guess you were right then. It is forbidden love."
"Yeah, it is. Wow, this is so romantic! It's like something out of a movie!"
"Yeah, but this isn't a movie, it's real life. And if Ash makes the wrong decision, that could change everything. And I'd feel like it's all my fault."
"But it's not. You can't pick and choose who you love. It just happens." she replied.
"That's what my mom said. I can't help it that I'm in love with Ash. And I know that, but I still blame myself." I explained.
"Well you shouldn't. You're just making it even harder for yourself."
"Believe me, I know. But I just can't help it. I feel so guilty!" I cried.
She sighed and then checked the time on her phone. "Sorry, but I have to go. My mom wanted me home by two, and it's already two-ten."
"Bye, and remember: it's not your fault. Even if you do feel guilty." She smiled at me before leaving.
I was so sick of everyone saying that it wasn't my fault when it was! Ash was everything to me and it tore me apart to see him in so much pain. The guilt was just eating away at me. And I couldn't control it.
I heard a car pull up outside and rolled my eyes when I saw Julianne and Kelly getting out of their car. They were walking up to Ash's house. I knew Ash didn't want to be bothered so I worked up enough courage to walk outside.
"Julianne, Kelly," I called out.
They stopped in Ash's driveway and turned to fac me. "What do you want?" Julianne demanded.
"If you're going to see Ash, don't. He's not in the mood to talk right now." I replied.
"Oh, shut up," Julianne told me.
"Look, Julie, she finally lost those coke-bottle glasses." Kelly stated. They both chuckled haugtily.
"Wow, Kelly, that's a cute shirt. Too bad it's see-through," I said, nodding my head at her white DKNY t-shirt.
"It's not see-through." she replied.
I smiled sweetly and picked up the gardening hose laying next to my feet, soaking both Kelly and Julianned. "It is now."
Both of their mouths dropped open. "Oh my gosh! I can't believe you just did that!" Kelly cried.
"Ugh, you freak!" Julianne added.
"Relax, it's just water." I remarked, laughing.
"You're gonna pay for this." Kelly told me.
"Ooh, I'm so scared." I said sarcastically.
"You should be, dork!" Julianne shouted.
"Whatever," I turned on my heel and walked back to my house. To my pleasure, they got in their car and drove away without knocking on Ash's door.
I couldn't believe I'd just done that. It was awesome! Where was a video camera when you needed one?
I was about to walk over to Ash's house to tell him what I'd done, but then I remembered what was going on and frowned. I really wanted to go share this moment with Ash, laugh until our stomaches hurt, talk about it under our tree. I'd do anything as long as it was with Ash.
I decided not to call Kristy right away, telling her about Julianne and Kelly. I really didn't feel like laughing about it anymore. The thought of not being with Ash was too depressing.
I finally decided what to do about Ash. I had to stop loving him. I had to say goodbye to him completely. But it's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does. But I had to.
But I shouldn't be said about what is over, I should just be happy that it was once mine. Gosh, why does it take only a minute to say hello, yet it takes forever to say goodbye?
There was a knock at the door the interrupted my thoughts. I walked over to answer it, and there stood Ash. "Hi," he said.
"Hi," I replied.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure," I stepped aside to let him in and we sat down across from each other at my kitchen table. "So, what's up?"
"I have to make a decisioin." he stated. "I just don't know how."
"Yeah, I know." I swallowed hard, feeling like I was about to cry.
"I really do love you, Evalynne."
"I love you too, Ash." And then I took a deep breath and said it, "You know, being strong sometimes means being able to say...goodbye."
He bit his lip, his eyes shiny with tears. "I never understood why the word goodbye is so easily pronounced but so hard to say. But now I guess I do."
"Saying goodbye isn't the hard part, it's what you leave behind."
"Yeah, well I don't want to leave you behind, Evalynne. I don't want to say goodbye if I'm never going to get to say hello again."
"I know, but this has to happen. I can't tear you apart from your own mother. I would just feel so guilty. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."
He sighed, "So this really is goodbye?"
"Yeah, it is."
"You know, when I see your smile and know it's not for me, that's when I'll miss you." And then a single tear rolled down his cheek.
I didn't know how to respond to that, so I cried. We cried together. It was silent crying, tears just trickling down our faces.
"My mom and dad started fighting a lot after the hit and run. And you know what my mom said to me? Love is like magic, but sometimes magic is just an illusion. Is that how it is with us? Just an illusion?" he asked.
"No, it's nothing like that. It never was and it never will be. I do love you, but that's why I have to let you go." I replied.
"But what if you don't have to? What if I choose you."
"What?" I asked in astonishment.
"Evalynne, I choose you over my mom. Because if she doesn't accept the person I love, then she doesn't accept me."
"But Ash, she's your mom. I can't do that to you. Don't you know how devastated she'll be?" I asked him. "She already lost her husband, she can't lose you too."
He sat there, thinking about this for a moment. "Well I already lost my dad, and I can't lose you."
"Well then what are we supposed to do?"
"Tonight, my mom's going to invite you over so that I can tell both of you my decision. And you know what I'm going to say? Both of you. And when my mom says that's not an option, I'll say it's either both of you or neither of you. Because now that I think about it, I can't choose."
"Uh, Ash," I said, eyeing his mom's car, which was pulling into his driveway. "You're mom's home."
He looked at her car and his eyes went wide. "Ok, I've got to go now. I'll see you tonight."
"Ok, bye," But before he turned to leave, he leaned in and kissed me. Then he left, going through the back door. I hoped this worked, because if I didn't, I'd have to stop loving him. And I didn't know if that was possible.