Cant get better than this.... | Teen Ink

Cant get better than this....

August 22, 2009
By romance_lover GOLD, Edmonton, Other
romance_lover GOLD, Edmonton, Other
12 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Nothing better than this...The lights, The rides, the constant rush of the people surrounding us...the guy.Everything was perfect. We walked, Hand in hand, my eyes skippign from ride to ride.
" Oh we have to go on this!" he screeched as he pulled me to the bumpercars. He immediately got into one and pulled me onto his lap.
" this isnt safe!" I whined only half kidding.
"Exactaly." he smiled as he hit the gas at break neck speed.A small girl screamed as 'we' slammed mercissly into her. The operator kicked us off after that cause we were a 'danger' to children. I was more than pleased to sink my teeth into a delishious corn-dog.
"I didnt know you were into this kinda stuff?" I asked,mouth still full. He didnt seem to mind. He replied back indifferently.
" i dont." He replied. "its only this great cause your here." he smirked. I answered in a fake voice,
"hun-ey since when are you so romantic?"
He looked down at me in mock-seriousness.
"Baby,Im whatever you want me to be whenever you want it" he dipped me low to the ground and kissed me gently before returning me to the ground. Although my head was somewhere else.His Plain white t-shirt fit well across his perfectly cut abs, well his worn out jeans hugged his waist comfertably.His almost black hair fell messily infront of his eyes...oh his eyes...painted on a beautiful canvas...the dark brown pouring emotion. His lips...begging for touch.I shook away the thoughts just in time to hear the screaming and feel myself being pulled closer to the stage.It was almost midnight now but we werent in a rush.The band belted out thier rebellious sound.He swayed to the music.Finally the beat slowed as the band launched into a ballad.He stepped closer and raised my hands to his shoulders then lightly placed his hands on my back. We were slow dancing. The beat quickened but we stayed the same, never speeding up..but never stopping...completly lost in the moment.He kissed me slowly and i couldnt be more thankful for such an amazing person in my life and couldnt wish for anything more. I pulled him into a tight hug as he stroked my hair as the first firework light in the perfectly still night sky.
"lets go, my Juliet." he whispered lightly in my ear. We found ourselfs at the ferris wheel. He smiled shyly at me as if approving he was allowed to go. I smiled back and we climbed in.For a while we didnt talk. We just held eachother and watched the explosion of colors across the sky.When we reached the top he just stared at me.
"What." I asked self-consiously.
"You are so beautiful" He told me.He looked at me deeply.It was my turn to stare.His Eyes Shawn with all the light in the world.I didnt know what to say. I managed:
"Your everything to me.Your my day, my night,my happiness, everything only occurs because your in my heart."
"Your everything to me and i couldnt live without you.it would be as if i was the last person alive."I couldnt sppek. I pulled him to me and kissed him as if id never get to again, as if there would never be another day or night.
"I love you." he whispered as the

Sky.Went.Dark <3

The author's comments:
I wrote this for my sister Destyni because she Loves a good romance story and i wanted to prove to her that i am capable! love ya des! I never put names in my storys because i want people to imagine...put themselves in the place of my charector and really feel the emotion. I hope you enjoyed.

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This article has 86 comments.


on Jun. 10 2010 at 8:40 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

It is very sweet and happy, a very nice story, but the numerous grammar mistakes detract from the magic of this piece.  If you work on those, though, it'll be great!

on Jun. 10 2010 at 5:31 pm
There is definately alot of editing and proof reading needing to be done, but really good job over all. Although, I don't really understand the last words "Sky.Went.Dark."...?

Summer B. said...
on Jun. 10 2010 at 3:14 pm
I agree as in punctuation an speeling. But as said before me, in writing it is relatively small. I think the piece was beautiful an could make all long for something romantic.

on May. 28 2010 at 9:30 pm
weebnini DIAMOND, San Diego, California
55 articles 3 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Done & Over"

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"People should be able to say how they feel. How they really feel. Not, you know, some words that some strangers put in their mouth."

other than ur punctuation and and ur spelling, it was good!! i liked it:) and can u review my stories too? i have a whole series that has not been commented on yet. I'd love it if you review it, plz?:)

on May. 19 2010 at 4:53 pm
SilverLuna SILVER, _________, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Come fairies take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.".... W.B. Yeats.
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

After reading over that post I feel like a hypocrite, lol...forgive my own errors! =:P

on May. 19 2010 at 4:52 pm
SilverLuna SILVER, _________, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Come fairies take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.".... W.B. Yeats.
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

You need to work on punstuation and spelling, but like I always say, that's a relatively small piece to writing. It's very important that you are able to get your ideas are able to come across, and I felt like I couldn't stop stumbling over the errors. Fix those problems and this will be a great story--for concept is good! I enjoyed the story over all!(= ALWAYS KEEP WRITING!

on May. 19 2010 at 4:07 pm
PoetLaureate07 PLATINUM, Aberdeen, Mississippi
32 articles 0 photos 246 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing..

this was amazing!!! please keep writing!!!

on May. 19 2010 at 9:44 am
SmileyFace94 SILVER, Queens, New York
7 articles 0 photos 35 comments
beautiful, i love it. you should right more romance stories :D

Collide SILVER said...
on May. 19 2010 at 7:29 am
Collide SILVER, Portsmouth, Ohio
6 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
i want to show them im not just some piece in their games - peeta from the hunger games

so beautiful and so lovely that i thought i was there

myway BRONZE said...
on May. 3 2010 at 6:40 am
myway BRONZE, Noida, Other
2 articles 3 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have not failed 1,000 times. I have
successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a light bulb."
- Thomas Edison

it is beautiful romance_lover

u r story was amazing!!!


myway BRONZE said...
on May. 3 2010 at 6:39 am
myway BRONZE, Noida, Other
2 articles 3 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have not failed 1,000 times. I have
successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a light bulb."
- Thomas Edison

it is so beautiful!! gr8 work....

on Apr. 5 2010 at 6:02 pm
MissFaber SILVER, Wayne, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 156 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing Less.

As a few before me pointed out, there were a few grammar mistakes, but that may have been on purpose. It was a beautiful scenario, though. I think the sweetest part is that you wrote this for your sister :) great job! if you could comment and rate my stuff it would be greatly appreciated

on Apr. 5 2010 at 12:41 am
DreamWriter17 PLATINUM, Marengo, Indiana
34 articles 1 photo 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
learn from your past to live for the future.

I liked it, it was very realistic, though I don't know if you did the grammar and spelling on purpose, that only added to the realistic-tivity.  However...it seemed kind of vague and fairytale-ish.   

 

But that could just be me.


on Mar. 14 2010 at 9:11 pm
loveibanez BRONZE, Maumee, Ohio
4 articles 1 photo 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!" -Ben Franklin

Work on grammar, spelling and punctuation and you will have a great story on your hands!

on Feb. 20 2010 at 10:58 pm
romance_lover GOLD, Edmonton, Other
12 articles 0 photos 28 comments
k, listen if you dont like the way i write dont read it GEEZ you dont have to bash my story,sorry for the errors but like...its just a mistake.

on Feb. 20 2010 at 4:48 pm
ClockworkLightbulb SILVER, Nottingham, Other
8 articles 5 photos 36 comments
There's a lot of spelling and punctuation mistakes even in the first sentence, which kind of annoyed me to the point of stopping reading it.

on Feb. 20 2010 at 12:05 pm
MarinaOreo GOLD, King Of Prussia, Pennsylvania
12 articles 0 photos 148 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your soul is the whole world" -Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

A few grammatical errors but I LOVED it!! Keep writing! :)

on Jan. 29 2010 at 3:36 pm
AmazingGrace88 GOLD, Lake Oswego, Oregon
13 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
No boys are worth your tears,
and the ones who are wont make you cry.

wow this was great very touching keep it up!!

on Jan. 15 2010 at 4:14 pm
Amanda Fox BRONZE, Naples, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 26 comments
i really like this! you should definitely keep writing! :)

on Jan. 7 2010 at 7:31 pm
u wer rite about da thing with no names. i luvd it SOOOO much. u shuld make a series!!