Letting my | Teen Ink

Letting my

February 17, 2021
By bearlover166 BRONZE, Altoona, Wisconsin
bearlover166 BRONZE, Altoona, Wisconsin
3 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Wherever life plants you bloom with grace unknown
You're not his princess
You are your own queen
Nikita gill

I'm letting go of your hand now I think it's time 

I can’t keep holding your hand when you don’t want me 

It’s ok I understand 

I promise you I will be fine 

I understand  that you have more history with her than with me 

I understand you can’t love a strong independent woman like me 

I know that me questioning myself if you are ever gonna call me or what if questions are causing me more commotion than the peace that’s not good dear

You have her what more can you ever want 

I don’t know what she looks like but what more do you want you can’t have me and her that’s not fair to me 

Secretly holding your hand is hurting me more 

I might be strong but not that strong

So I’m gonna let you be happy 

I will be just fine 

So I’m letting go of your hand and handing  it to her hand she can keep your hand warm now

I'm walking the other way I know you won’t follow

Look how happy you are no more tears like it was the first time

But darling you were paranoid when we were together you thought I was cheating and leaving you for someone else when I moved to a different state

But only cheaters get paranoid if their lovers cheating 

Beat you on that I am a queen and know how to treat my lover right 

But cheaters don’t get to be beggars you did that on your own 

She the same age as well im two years older than you  im 16 and your 14 but age didn’t matter to me I guess it did to you 

Now love I am ready to let you go 

Don’t run after me, please

Are you happy now?

Im sorry but this is what you wanted 

I don’t mind it 

*sigh* You were my true love not gonna lie but I got to let you go 

This is not healthy for me to drown me in total despair 

But it’s not fair that you have given up and now I want to but it’s hard when I love you 

I shouldn’t love a man who tied me in chains and threw me in the water and watch me drown and die with her holding your hand 

That’s not fair that it took me three months to escape 

And now I can finally breathe and spit out the water but still somehow too numb to cry anymore

You broke me, love, you won, I lost happiness now?

Good *lets go of his hand** stares at his face**smiles* *kisses his cheek* I love you, dear, *walks away*

Now we’re back to back you going one way and me going the other way 

You holding her hand you admiring her 

Me empty-handed lonely 

I know you turn your head to look at what’s leaving your life 

I sense that you want me to turn around for you I would 3 months ago but now I only say no love you have her you don’t need a broken angel

I sense your present I feel your hand on my shoulder 

I hear you whisper in my ear stay please don’t leave 

My heart would of melt to this three months ago when I didn’t find out who you  were but now it makes me feel numb I turn around and stares into your eyes and hold your gentle soft hands that’s what I thought they would feel like if we meet and I say no I won’t stay I can’t I’m done I kiss your soft lips that’s what I imagine what they would have felt like if we meet and kissed 

I hear her call your name and you run to her and you stand beside her when you reach her  

I turn around and start walking again seeing the chain marks on my skin and reminding myself you did it no more chasing after him wanting him or needing him

I run back to you I hug you as tight as I would if we met I tell you I’m sorry and that I love you 

You say nothing but lift my chin and you admit your sin saying I can’t love a cheater I deserve better than that what I want you to say when you call me but you didn’t call or tell me those words

I look at her face and the way she looks at you confused that’s what she looks like or how I imagine it she holds your hand tighter so you won’t follow it makes me sick

I turn around grab my luggage and walk fast 

I hear you say my name one last time but its distance then you turn toward the road your heading on with her a smile plastered on your face like peanut butter

I stop why do I stop I let go of my luggage and turn around and watch you walk away feeling my heartbeat for you one last time 

I see you do the same your hand not intertwined with hers she waiting for you she only looking at you waiting patiently seeing if this is what you want 

I read your lips telling her to hold on I do want you but wait k? She nods and waits

You jog to me you lift my chin and give me that smile I love and say you will have your dream boy because you were my dream girl but I cheated and hurt you and lied and did so many sins when you were mine three times so go walk don’t turn around just walk even if you wanna call me don’t just avoid it you know what best for you those words I wanna hear on the voicemail message from your number but yet nothing but silence you turn me around and point me on my way 

You jog back to her intertwine your soft fingers into hers and walk with her on your side of the road and I walk alone 

I pick up my luggage and start walking towards who knows where but it's somewhere and he walking to idk where either

But somehow I feel lost I stop waiting for you to come but you don’t I turn around and I see you didn’t turn around but then you did again 

You let go of her hand and run to me 

You hug me tightly but it was a fantasy you kept walking with her laughing at whatever you’re saying or doing

She perfect for your age and everything I wasn’t 

I sigh cause this is hard 

I had many lovers but I count you as my first because you meant more to me than I let you know

Even though you technically not but that doesn’t matter 

What matters is letting you go 

But I watch you walked away from everything we had 

So goodbye my old love and first love I will let us go

Thank you for the memories 

The author's comments:

This is about me moving on from the guy who broke me into million pieces 

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