All sixteen years of living its taken me until October 7th 2014 to actually realize that words hurt. My name is Olivia and I’m being bullied. Bullied is such a misunderstood concept in today's society. When you hear the word “Bullied” you think of what movies portray them as, Big kids dressed all in black with killer acne and fist the size of John Cenas or girls that dress extra girly and have shiny BMWs .That's not the case with me. These bullies are different, These are the scummy girls. These ones are insecure with themselves and are mean to people for their own cruel, disgusting enjoyment. The fact that people can intentionally hurt others on purpose is beyond me. Also the fact that someone can be so depressed and no one notices. How can I feel so broken and empty all the time and no one can tell?

 It all started with a text message. One text message. It took a group of megapixels floating in the cold crisp air around me to break me. It was from a girl named Leah, one of the meanest, nastiest girls in school. While re-reading this message in my head over and over could feel my heart rate increase, palms begin to sweat, and stomach hurt. What was this feeling? Was it nerves, an anxiety attack or just upset that someone could say such hurtful things to me? It was horrible. After that text message, more followed, death threats and constant harassment. I wasn't safe... Not at home or at school. At school I was followed to my classes by girls shouting mean names and throwing objects at me and at home it was cyber bully central. I couldn't get away from it.

But there's things you don’t know about Leah. There is a reason to why she acts the way she acts. Its doesn't excuse her behavior, but it does help you understand her actions. Leah and I were best friends in elementary school. Always at each others house. Her mom was like my second mom until the 3rd grade.. Three days before Christmas my mom received a phone call. I can’t even describe the look on her face. Such an emotionless blank face. She was absolutely silent, she said nothing. I asked her what was wrong. Her response was “Don’t worry about it, everything's fine.” I always knew when she said that it usually meant things were everything but fine. Now I understand that she didn't want to ruin our Christmas. The next few days past, Christmas came and went, and It was almost New Years when my mom broke the news to me. Leah’s mom has passed away of a heart attack. I didn't know how to feel. The 7 year old Olivia didn't understand what this meant. Before we knew it Christmas vacation was over and it was time to return back to school. Leah wasn't there. Eventually the warm spring air arrived and Leah still was not in school. My mom had talk to some of her friends at the school and had found out that Leah was put in foster care. She doesn't have a father, her grandparents were dead and no aunts or uncles. So losing her mom was losing everything. It completely changed her. I can’t even imagine losing the person who means the most to you.  She became a troubled kid, and bounced around from different foster care houses all around upstate New York. Between living in group homes, to peoples homes who didn't even want children, just the fat check they got if they took the children in. Years have passed and still no contact with Leah. Everyone forgot about her in school and to me she was just a faint memory.

        
Nine years have passed.. and believe it or not Leahs back. Before school starts we have about ten minutes to dilly dally. Go to your locker, Walk around the hallway, socialize, It’s most high schoolers favorite part of the day. So here I am walking with about six of my closest friends and in a far distance I see a girl walking towards me in the hallway. She looked familiar but not familiar enough for me to realize it was Leah. She walks right up to me and stands with about two feet in front of me covered in tattoos, and piercings she looked like a teenage runaway. Right before she could open her mouth I saw it. This tiny little birthmark on her neck. Leah had the same birthmark. No sooner did I notice that she opened her mouth only to hear her say “Olivia girl! Its me! Leah. I’m back!” My friends looked disgusted and walked away..I was stuck standing there looking down at my feet only to see my shiny Steve Madden flats and her old rugged dirty Chuck Taylor's. I was completely speechless. What could this possibly mean? The girl who was my childhood is back after all this time. You could clearly see that we both had changed. For the best.. and the worst. We were completely different people now. I was Dolce and Gabbana and she was Faded Glory. It was not the Leah I knew and loved. As every high schooler goes through it, I wish I didn't have too and that was embarrassment. Embarrassment that the girl I once called my best friend now looks like a cracked out druggy with jail house looking tattoos covering her body. Let alone the fact that I had to stand in the middle of the hall way with her as others past giving us both a confused look as if they saw an elephant in the hall. There is no way I can be friends with her again. Everyone would hate me. My friends would no longer accept me. Nope. It just couldn't work out. So from that day on I decided to ignore Leah, In school, social media and text messages. She can't actually think she can just hop back into my life.

Weeks went by of ignoring Leah and things only got worse. I thought acknowledging  her would be worse but it seems that ignoring her is twice as bad as I thought. She was angry and I assume hurt. Her whole life has been anger and pain and I just added to it. That’s when it all started.. After going away for that long, Leah learned the ins and outs of life. If someone hurts you, you hurt them back. It's not about revenge just about getting even and that’s exactly what she planned to do with me. Me ignoring her in the hallway turned into her harassing me in the hallway, Me ignoring her calls turned into constant death threat text messages. It was almost like she was obsessed with me. She began to make up rumors about me.. tried to take my friends away and turned everyone against me. It worked. My friends left me, not to become friends with her but to just leave me in the dirt. Nobody in school looked my way. I was so alone. This went on for 6 months before adults noticed a physical change and got me help. What I don’t understand is how I can be in so much need of help and not one person in a room of 35 could notice. I went from class to class everyday and nobody knew I was dying inside. I spent a maximum of 4 hours a night sleeping and the rest of the time thinking of ways I could end my life. I didn't eat. I had no appetite, no reason to.The girls kept carrying on in school, They would come to my house and leave notes on the door stating they didn't care if I killed myself and if I walked into the bathroom when they were in there, there was a 90% chance I was getting beat up. Leah and her friends made me feel completely worthless, Like I had 0 point in continuing my life. The 6 months past of me having nobody, My school lunch periods being spent crying in the girls bathroom and my best friend becoming my own mother, until my favorite science teacher noticed the cuts on my wrist and dramatic weight loss. Every time they made me feel like I want to die I made a cut. The cuts began to grow and grow and soon they were taking over both arms, legs, and stomach. He helped me get the help I needed. My mom knew I was depressed and being bullied but she would always say “Go in with your head held high and don’t let them see that they are getting to you” Or when I asked to switch schools the response was “You’re going to switch schools because of a couple mean girls? Everyone goes through this in High school.” She didn't really understand. I started to visit a therapist and joined and anti-bullying group at school.  It didn't really help but I wasn't going to let my mom or teacher know that. My choices were basically the mental hospital or therapist. So I took the easy way out. But the depression and the bullies were still there. The principle has talked to the girls numerous times but that doesn't seem to stop them. They were still constantly breaking me down. And there I was.. Alone in my room on a warm Tuesday April night when I decided I should just end it all. Death would be the easiest way out. It would all just stop. The mean girls, the overwhelming pain the emptiness. All just gone. So I went into my mothers medicine closet and took and hand full of all the pills I saw. Most of the labels stated “Do Not Mix With Alcohol” Which was exactly what I planned on doing. I took the pills. Probably 20 of them to be exact. Swooshed down some whiskey and waited. As I waited I saw my entire life before me. It was like someone made a movie of my entire life. All the high and low moments and put it into one huge slide show. I began to think.. Did I just make a horrible mistake!? But before I had time to resent what I just did I decided I couldn't just leave my mother without saying goodbye, I had already made the most selfish decision that would forever affect my family. So I ripped out a piece of notebook paper and got writing. The note was stating that I loved my mom very much and there was nothing she could of done to have made me changed my mind. I know this letter wouldn't do much but I couldn't imagine my mother, the only one who was really there for me 100% believing this could possibly be her fault. My hands became numb the room began to spin and I knew this was it. But I needed to get one last sentence on the paper.. Potentially the most important sentence i’d have ever wanted to write. The last words I wanted people to remember me as when they hear my name, the sentence that I wanted to haunt Leah and her friends for the rest of there life knowing that they were the cause of this. My vision goes black, the pen hit the paper and……

                                                                  The End.