Sunday MAG

December 17, 2008
By Rachel Benton, Parker, CO

The day is half gone by the time I’ve pried myself from between the couch cushions, eyes glazed from a second-rate police drama marathon, a hopelessly mangled rat’s nest protruding from the back of my head. Days like this used to be what I lived for. Days like this used to be an invitation to drag my entire bedspread down to the living-room sofa. Days like this meant “Tom and Jerry” and newspaper comics printed in color. Days like this meant eating popsicles until I felt ill. But then we got a new denim sofa, and Mom stopped buying the grape-flavored Tylenol that came in little chewable tablets, and cable television became a thing of the past.

It feels like something even bigger has changed.

The dormancy of my muscles makes them heavy, each ounce of potential sticking and hardening and weighing down on my bones like drying cement. The thick void made by this lack of motivation makes the air seem too dense to inhale, and anything I attempt to accomplish quickly ­becomes wasted energy. I find myself loathing the desolation of a lifeless room, where the phone only rings when some jerk is trying to auction off substandard timeshares in Aspen in exchange for a portion of my soul.

I swear can hear my pulse.

Having the house to myself is rare – almost unheard of: it’s basically an illusion. But of course when I least appreciate it, I find myself deserted. Mom, whose panic attacks come and go with the weather, decided this snowstorm was the perfect opportunity to get the holiday shopping done. Dad crawled up from his basement lair and made the executive decision to go back to the office to contaminate his coworkers with whatever infectious disease has had him hacking and wheezing for the past two weeks. My parents must sense a feeble frequency of self-pity emanating from my pitiful corpse, a vibe assuring them that no one could possibly want to come within a 25-foot radius of their spawn today and they can be safe leaving her alone with a spare set of house keys and a liquor cabinet.

But I can’t stay here.

I blink and I am at the coat closet, pulling on my parka. I yank the hood over my head and borrow whoever’s boots are sitting in the puddle by the front window. I even lock the door, because for some reason, I don’t think I’ll be coming back anytime soon.



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This article has 31 comments.


on Apr. 18 2011 at 4:48 pm
rubyrainstorm SILVER, Closter, New Jersey
7 articles 0 photos 275 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
-Buddha.

I love it! I'm pretty sure that at least once in their life, teenagers want to leave home, and run away. But we never have the guts to do it. LOVED THIS PIECE! If you have time, please check out, comment on, and rate my poems, The Girl Inside, Remembering Spring, and You Are the Lyrics In Me. Thanks! 8)

on Feb. 11 2011 at 10:31 pm
a.singlenote SILVER, Little, Colorado
6 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
The truest beauty in the world is exsquisite and makes your heart ache with something that you can't name.

This is great!

parisnpink86 said...
on Nov. 15 2010 at 2:38 pm
parisnpink86, Cleveland, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
I love it! :)

on Oct. 24 2010 at 4:59 pm
WordforWord SILVER, Royal Oak, Michigan
8 articles 1 photo 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't Just Exist, Live

Wow I'm really interested and hope you continue this sometime.

LexiB SILVER said...
on Oct. 24 2010 at 10:06 am
LexiB SILVER, Tallassee, Alabama
7 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go."







Joshua 1:9

This is a really great piece. You should continue the story. Will you check out and comment on my work?

 


on Aug. 14 2010 at 3:32 pm
VioletsandVoice, Spiritwood, North Dakota
0 articles 0 photos 170 comments
* applause *

on Jul. 28 2010 at 2:18 am
Ebonykitty SILVER, Naples, Florida
8 articles 1 photo 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
You can't run out of dreams. Dreams are the start of everything...

Completely amazing!

 

~ Ebony ~


Shelly-T GOLD said...
on Jul. 6 2010 at 8:54 am
Shelly-T GOLD, Romeoville, Illinois
13 articles 0 photos 72 comments
This is really good!  It was very enjoyable!

Vanessa1420 said...
on Jun. 14 2010 at 8:18 pm
Vanessa1420, Russiaville, Indiana
0 articles 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
If they give you a piece of ruled paper, write the other way.

Oh my gosh, this was like the best piece I've read in a long time. It was like an actual excerpt from a book, a glorious book where I adored the writing. KEEP IT UP!!!!!

Violets said...
on May. 23 2010 at 2:01 pm
Violets, Emmett, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 21 comments
Wow. thats all i can say.

on Apr. 9 2010 at 1:07 pm
Boy, I have had one of those days. Keep writting!

on Feb. 24 2010 at 10:55 am
Toe_The_Line SILVER, Muscoda, Wisconsin
5 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In a field, I am the abscence of field. It's always been like that. Wherever I am, I am what is missing." - Mark Strand
"We are reading the story of our lives... we keep turning the pages, hoping for something." - Mark Strand

Wow, this was great. I love the detail... especially the section about what Sunday used to mean. I can relate to this. Check out my work if you get the time.

on Dec. 20 2009 at 10:28 am
montana PLATINUM, Parker, Colorado
41 articles 2 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
cliche quotes I have are.....
I know, right? and..... Are you kidding me?

A very nice story of repitition. I live in Parker, co, too. I might know you. Will you please read my review,artwork and rate them. Thank you so much (in advance).

Wimerh said...
on Oct. 15 2009 at 10:11 pm
This story was interesting! I like how you build up the suspense for almost the entire story while the reader tries to figure out what will happen. I think the climax, the line " But I can't stay here" is clever because it doesn't give the reader to much information and it leaves them guessing. Also, I like how the last line of the poem is a "cliff-hanger" and the reader can use imagination to make the story what they think it will be. There are great descriptive details, like the line "The day is half gone by the time I've pried myself from between the couch cushions, eyes glazed from a second-rate police drama marathon, a hopelessly mangled rat's nest protruding from the back of my head." The descriptive details help the reader picture the events in this story, and you used great imagery. I also like how you described the change from childhood to teenage years through the reference of grape-flavored Tylenol. However, you could take out some of the less- important details to keep the plot moving faster. All in all, this was a well-written story and I hope you will keep writing! Keep up the good work!

jcvit_house said...
on Jun. 25 2009 at 5:00 pm
I thought this was really good. i liked the use of details... i think though a slight decrease of details may help the story move a little faster... details hook you plots keep you!

jbradford96 said...
on Jun. 25 2009 at 3:43 am
jbradford96, Kamuela, Hawaii
0 articles 2 photos 7 comments
I really enjoyed this. The details provided are easily relatable, yet there aren't an overwhelming number of them. I like how you insinuated growing up through the reference to the grape flavored Tylenol. The ending was nice because the reader can imagine a wide variety of continuations. Keep writing, you've got a gift for it.

on Jun. 24 2009 at 2:52 pm
Dandelion PLATINUM, Franklin, Massachusetts
20 articles 8 photos 173 comments
I remember reading this on TeenInk Raw a while ago and thinking, "Whoa, this has gotta get published." And here it is, published. I wish I could write like that. It just left me wanting to know more, where she went, and everything! great job and keep it up.

on Jun. 20 2009 at 3:47 am
LoveLikeWoe DIAMOND, LeSueur, MN, Minnesota
54 articles 2 photos 748 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whoever laughs first has the sickest mind.

i loved it.

on Jun. 18 2009 at 4:21 am
katiemiladie GOLD, Glendale, California
19 articles 0 photos 17 comments
It was good. However, down-grading is the name of the game. The story was great but I would have been more interested if there were less adjectives I would have been more intrigued. Now, I'm not saying to eliminate them from your story. Just use less and you've got a winner!

on Jun. 8 2009 at 2:26 am
Andrew Klenk BRONZE, York, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Wow! At first I was hesitant but by the end I was totally absorbed. You have to keep writing!


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